Post by Staff on Nov 20, 2016 11:59:32 GMT -5
The metal detector wand squeels and boops as Francis waves it up and over the man's head and down his other side. Watching behind him with her arms folded expressing a look of confusion stands Thirteen who eyes down the long lineup of people waiting to gain entry into the venue then back to Francis currently scanning the man at the head of the line.
THIRTEEN: Francis, what are you doing?
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: What does it look like I'm doing?
Francis frisks the man vigorously.
THIRTEEN: Well, I--
Francis glares back at her.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: You heard T.S. He told us to find the Resilience Championship Belt, so we're finding it.
Thirteen's eyes roll as Francis obliviously steps back from his search and authoritatively motions for the man to remove his belt and hand it to him.
THIRTEEN: Uh huh. And you think that one of these people has stolen the belt?
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Everyone's a suspect.
THIRTEEN: Even you?
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: ESPECIALLY me.
Satisfied by his inspection, Francis hands the black leather belt back to the man who's gruffly holding up the waist of his jeans with his hand. Francis hands the man a 1 liter jug of Maple Syrup for his trouble and allows him to move forward.
THIRTEEN: Okay... and what's with the syrup?
Francis glares back at her as if she should already know.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Duh. It's Thanksgiving.
Francis waits for the man he just inspected to move forward, already looking ahead to his next suspect as she readies to move forward.
THIRTEEN: Uh, Francis?
Thirteen sighs, uncertainly glancing down the long lineup of people. Francis eyes the woman next in line like a cop looking expressly for a bad attitude, motioning her towards him intimidatingly with his finger. He takes this very seriously.
THIRTEEN: Francis?
Francis turns to her angrily.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: WHAT?!
THIRTEEN: *unflinching* If we're looking for the Resilience Championship, don't you think we should be scanning that lineup instead?
She points across the street at a similar lineup of people waiting to enter a similar venue. Francis blinks as he surveys the lineup across the street.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Uhhhhh....?
THIRTEEN: That's the lineup of people waiting to get into the 2300 Arena where Massacre 2 will be held.
Francis blinks again, slowly looking over the lineup of people he's currently scanning, then back at the real lineup he's missed entirely. Francis leans in to uncomfortably question Thirteen.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Well, what's this lineup for?
Thirteen reads the overhead marquee.
THIRTEEN: Looks to be a lineup for a Blue Oyster Cult concert.
Francis blinks with oncoming gradual understanding as he compares the two lineups which, admittedly, do look quite similar given they are both queues of people. Eventually reality sets in.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Shit.
Francis angrily plucks the syrup away from the man he just scanned before gesturing he and Thirteen conspiratorially away from the wrong lineup. There's no telling how long they've been there.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Come on, lets get out of here before anyone notices.
They cross the street, a jug of syrup under Francis' arm.
THIRTEEN: *snickers* That's almost as bad as signing us on with the "Channel Ocho".
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Again with this? I suppose if I'd signed us up with the Channel 7 everybody would be patting me on the damn back.
THIRTEEN: You don't even know what 7 is in Spanish, do you?
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: How can I be expected to know everything, huh?
They make it to the other side of the street.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Whatever, let's just blend in and make it seem like we've been here the whole--
KASSANDRAH: Hey guys.
Kassandrah startles them as they prepare to settle in. She stands dressed in an oversized hooded jacket clutching under her arm the speaker synonymous with their disembodied lead stakeholder, Mr. Smith.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: What are you--
KASSANDRAH: Brought a friend.
Francis and Thirteen look from Kass to the speaker nervously as Kass pats its surface.
MR. SMITH: I only want the answer to one question.
The familiar voice barks steadily at them.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Say no more, chiefy. I can't believe B.O.C is still touring either. *sings* seasons don't fear the reaper-- love that track.
MR. SMITH: Where is T.S.?
Francis stiffens at the mention of the name.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Didn't the fortune teller tell you?
MR. SMITH: Kassandrah is the only one of your little triumvirate who hasn't been explicitly involved in the affairs of the AWE. I want to hear it from you two.
Thirteen and Francis eye one another warily.
THIRTEEN: Uhhhhh...
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: He's in Paris!
MR. SMITH: What is he doing in Paris when we have a show in Philadelphia?
Again, Francis and Thirteen look awkward and guiltily to one another.
THIRTEEN: Well, you see, it's like this...
EARLIER THIS WEEK
Thomas Shane Elliot, (T.S.) sits at the head of the rosewood board table in the familiar AWE conference room with a loosened tie looking stressed out eyes cast downwards at a spread out array of sheets listing future booking schedules and events alongside wrestler itineraries and the two remaining yet-to-be-caimed attaché cases, one containing the Paramount Title, the other the Dynamic title belts. Parked nearby with baited breath sits Francis and his entourage of Rodney P, the ever-present oddities known as the French Mime Assassins, and the permanently stoic syrup-making Mister Mississagi. Across from them sits the innocent face of Thirteen with a look of concern. Kassandrah is seated at the far end of the table watching with mild interest in the hopes of witnessing a T.S. meltdown.
After a beat.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: We could just make a replacement Resilience Title Be--
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: No, Francis, we can't. It's one of a kind for a reason, okay? If we just made a new one every time there was a problem then it wouldn't be a rare commodity everyone wanted, would it?
Francis blinks at the other occupants seated at the table after the sudden blast of vitriol from T.S.. He's been in this state of permanent agitation since returning from his stay in the hospital after an unexpected allergy attack shortly before Massacre number 1. Francis is thoughtful watching as T.S. searches for some hidden clue as to his next move down at the paperwork in front of him before noting,
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: Besides, Smith will never tolerate us spending money outside of our budget like that.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Bummer. Well, at least we know the Paramount title is still in that brief case. Thank god for small miracles, am I right?
Francis chuckles as T.S. glares at him.
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: No, actually, Francis. The briefcase has magically been fused shut somehow. Who knows if it's in there or not! No one can get it open. Did you touch it, Thirteen?
All eyes dart to Thirteen who doe-eyes back at the onlookers with a terrified expression of shocked innocence.
THIRTEEN: What?! No! I swear I didn't!
T.S. looks disappointed at her as Francis revels at Thirteen losing face in the midst of this current tumult. T.S slowly eases off the gas pedal of anger he's been flooring.
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: Look, I'm sorry. This is a mess. We got this Resilience belt that's missing that must also be defended at every event, a Paramount Championship tournament that concludes in two events, and Mr. Smith is now insisting we start this Alpha Cup next show. The schedule is going to be a nightmare and I don't know how to tell him we can't possibly accommodate all of it. Our major priority is finding that Resilience Championship before Massacre 2 so the winner of the Rumble has an actual belt to claim this time.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Hey, don't you worry about that belt, T.S. They used to give me all sorts of assignments to look for things back in NAM.
T.S looks surprised at Francis.
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: You were in 'Nam?
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Surrrre! Spent, like... *thinks skyward dimly* uhhhh... God, I don't know. Seemed like forever, though.
THIRTEEN: You were in the Vietnam war?
Everyone around the table is surprised, uncertainly giving Francis a newfound level of respect.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: The war? No way! *chuckles* The National Academy of Medicine. Did a loooot of testing. All negative.
Deflated respect around the room as T.S. sighs grimly looking back down at his scheduling nightmare.
KASSANDRAH: Why not just stagger the Alpha Cup brackets so we can still decide the Paramount championship while letting whoever is champion of the Resilience Division continue to defend it throughout the Alpha Cup tournament?
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: Ye-yeah. That's--that's exactly what I've been considering, actually.
Francis and Thirteen glare down at Kass who smiles cleverly at them.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: That's cheating. She saw that happen in the future. Mimes.
The mimes move threateningly toward Kass before,
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: Dammit, Francis. Would you quit the childish competition? Now is not the time. Keep your damn creepy mimes at bay. I was going to do that anyway before she said anything.
Silenced, Francis sneers down at Kass as T.S. rubs at the headache in his forehead.
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: And on top of all this, I have to worry about helping book my daughter's trip to Paris.
Thirteen chimes in warmly.
THIRTEEN: Don't worry, T.S.! While you've been dealing with AWE business, I did you a favor and helped book your daughter's whole trip! She's already safely in Paris!
It's like a load has been removed from T.S.' shoulders.
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: Really? You did that for me?
THIRTEEN: SURE!
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: That was really helpful of you, Thirteen.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: *Under his breath* Kiss ass.
Thirteen sticks her tongue out briefly in response to Francis before continuing to reassure T.S.
THIRTEEN: Well, I felt so bad about that sandwich incident at the last meeting, I felt it was the least I could do. I've booked her accommodations in Paris, and even have people to drive her around the city! She'll have the best trip ever!
T.S. looks at Thirteen with renewed respect. The phone rings next to T.S.
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: Hello?
His face suddenly grows dark as he listens to the voice on the other end.
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: Now you listen to me, if it's money you want, I can tell you I won't pay you. But if you let my daughter go right now I won't come find you. But if you don't let her go, I will find you, and I will kill you.
Eyes around the room are wide looking at T.S. as the moment hangs before he grimly hangs up the phone looking vengeful.
THIRTEEN: Uhhhhhh--
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: My daughter's just been taken in Paris.
THIRTEEN: K-kidnapped...?
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: That was her captors. They're threatening to sell her into sexual slavery.
Thomas looks squarely down at the AWE letterhead on the forms before rising away from the table and putting on his jacket.
THIRTEEN: Uhhhhhh--
T.S. pulls out a Beretta handgun as yet unseen from an underarm holster and ensures it's loaded. All eyes watch as T.S. walks past the table determined.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: What are you doing with that gun, T.S.?
T.S. seems not to hear them as he exits leaving the boardroom door hanging open.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: T.S.??
A beat of the shareholders looking confused to one another, before Francis grows a conniving smile.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Kidnappers in Paris?! Great work, 'teen!
Francis reaches across the table for a high five that goes unmet.
THIRTEEN: I didn't... no! That's--
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: --another stroke of GENIUS is what that is! Glad you're on my team!
THIRTEEN: NO! I swear I didn't mean--
PRESENTLY
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: And that's the, uh, the lowdown. As it were. But at least we're all safe.
MR. SMITH: Yes. It would seem T.S. has suffered yet another unlucky setback.
Thirteen has hidden her eyes downward.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: But don't you worry, Mr. Smith! We're going to make sure this show runs smooth as syrup!
Francis proudly pats the jug of syrup under his arm.
MR. SMITH: It better. Know that I don't tolerate failure from my management staff for long.
Thirteen and Francis look wearily to one another as we fade.
MR. SMITH: Yes. It would seem T.S. has suffered yet another unlucky setback.
Thirteen has hidden her eyes downward.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: But don't you worry, Mr. Smith! We're going to make sure this show runs smooth as syrup!
Francis proudly pats the jug of syrup under his arm.
MR. SMITH: It better. Know that I don't tolerate failure from my management staff for long.
Thirteen and Francis look wearily to one another as we fade.
"Swerve City" by the Deftones blasts over the airwaves as we once more enter the AWE studios soundstage where Nate Hollis looks dapper standing in front of the two big screen monitors sporting the Alpha Wrestling Empire Logo. Nate clasps his hands together eyeing the camera as the music abruptly cuts off, startling Nate before he can begin. He looks upward in confusion.
...: I'm sorry, Nathan.
Nate pauses to contemplate the computerized voice that's just spoken to him seemingly from the studio itself.
NATE HOLLIS: Uhhh...
Nate looks apologetic to the camera.
NATE HOLLIS: Sorry, folks. Some brief technical glitches before we kick off--
...: My apologies, Nathan. The music you are playing is too loud to safely listen to without causing hearing loss.
NATE HOLLIS: Who said that?
...: I am the HAL 9000 Security and Regulatory System. I was officially installed on these premises early yesterday after a second member of the roster attempted to gain access to the AWE premises.
Nate is confused.
NATE HOLLIS: You mean Carmen Cambridge?
HAL 9000: Yes. And Colgate Carnage, although his attempt was laughably unsuccessful, it was felt that an advanced security system such as myself would deter further intrusions.
NATE HOLLIS: Yo, dawg. Those aren't intrusions. Those are talented wrestlers trying any way they can to get their voices and opinions heard. It's a difficult thing to do sometimes, I understand. No hard feelings, S.O.B, brother, you angry, I can dig it. Sometimes folks pick the wrong targets to speak out of their asses at. I been there. In this case though, I don't think a new security system is necessary, Carmen had some requests she felt were best directed directly at management, but I won't fight you, Hal. You gonna be on board as we step into the ring for some AWE action, '9000?
HAL 9000: Yes, Nathan. I look forward to watching some wrestling action with you.
NATE HOLLIS: Sweeeeeeeet, then lets get right down to it, shall we?
Nate rubs his hands together excitedly.
NATE HOLLIS: Last week, fight fans, we kicked off the first ever episode of Massacre with a ton of intense action. We had our first look at the Paramount Division, and we managed to crown our first Resilience Champion, Zack Fantana.
HAL 9000: I like him, Nathan.
NATE HOLLIS: Yo, '9000, that's cool. A lot don't. The dogs nipping at his heels look poised and ready to pounce on him tonight in our main event. An 11-person Royal Rumble that may as well set Fantana right back at square one winning the title all over again. Mr. Fantana finds himself entering that ring as the first entrant into what promises to be a hellish nightmare experience in order to win that title once more. No small task given how hungry that roster looks to snatch Fantana's laurels right off of him!
HAL 9000: The odds are not in Mr. Fantana's favor, Nathan.
NATE HOLLIS: You said it, '9000. Perhaps by the time the rumble concludes, cross your fingers, management will finally have discovered the whereabouts of the MISSING Resilience Championship Belt!
HAL 9000: Perhaps someone stole it, Nathan?
NATE HOLLIS: That's what the suspicion is, my main central computer system pal. At the end of Massacre 1, after it was discovered the case previously thought to contain the Resilience belt did not, in fact, contain the belt, it was observed by AWE's own seer of seers Kassandrah that perhaps the belt was stolen. So, in response Francis Ford Ciuppola has been snooping around on a one-man mission to root out the thief. We'll have to wait and see how that shapes up as the evening progresses. At the same time as crowning once more a Resilience Champion we may finally have a belt to go with it.
HAL 9000: I am excited, Nathan.
NATE HOLLIS: You should be, '9000. Cause not only do we have that Royal Rumble main event, we are also kicking off the start of a walk towards crowning the FIRST Paramount Champion in the AWE. And let me tell the field is STACKED with tough customers and dangerous foes that promises to be an uphill climb for whoever makes it through to the final rounds just like the name on the Championship implies. So without much further jawing lets get right down to it. Last Massacre we had two individuals fail to secure a win in a fourway match against two other opponents who will appear later on in the show. First off, we got my man Hanzo Kirigaya, THE DRAGON, taking on the man who is likely inspiring your kids to be better people, Dom DiBona, facing off against newcomer Gabriel Oren DeVille. And let me tell you, you want pulse-pounding, adrenaline-pumping action? We've got that for you. Right from the opening bell the high-fliers did what they do, and Gabriel Oren DeVille? Well... he did what he do... Check it out.
...: I'm sorry, Nathan.
Nate pauses to contemplate the computerized voice that's just spoken to him seemingly from the studio itself.
NATE HOLLIS: Uhhh...
Nate looks apologetic to the camera.
NATE HOLLIS: Sorry, folks. Some brief technical glitches before we kick off--
...: My apologies, Nathan. The music you are playing is too loud to safely listen to without causing hearing loss.
NATE HOLLIS: Who said that?
...: I am the HAL 9000 Security and Regulatory System. I was officially installed on these premises early yesterday after a second member of the roster attempted to gain access to the AWE premises.
Nate is confused.
NATE HOLLIS: You mean Carmen Cambridge?
HAL 9000: Yes. And Colgate Carnage, although his attempt was laughably unsuccessful, it was felt that an advanced security system such as myself would deter further intrusions.
NATE HOLLIS: Yo, dawg. Those aren't intrusions. Those are talented wrestlers trying any way they can to get their voices and opinions heard. It's a difficult thing to do sometimes, I understand. No hard feelings, S.O.B, brother, you angry, I can dig it. Sometimes folks pick the wrong targets to speak out of their asses at. I been there. In this case though, I don't think a new security system is necessary, Carmen had some requests she felt were best directed directly at management, but I won't fight you, Hal. You gonna be on board as we step into the ring for some AWE action, '9000?
HAL 9000: Yes, Nathan. I look forward to watching some wrestling action with you.
NATE HOLLIS: Sweeeeeeeet, then lets get right down to it, shall we?
Nate rubs his hands together excitedly.
NATE HOLLIS: Last week, fight fans, we kicked off the first ever episode of Massacre with a ton of intense action. We had our first look at the Paramount Division, and we managed to crown our first Resilience Champion, Zack Fantana.
HAL 9000: I like him, Nathan.
NATE HOLLIS: Yo, '9000, that's cool. A lot don't. The dogs nipping at his heels look poised and ready to pounce on him tonight in our main event. An 11-person Royal Rumble that may as well set Fantana right back at square one winning the title all over again. Mr. Fantana finds himself entering that ring as the first entrant into what promises to be a hellish nightmare experience in order to win that title once more. No small task given how hungry that roster looks to snatch Fantana's laurels right off of him!
HAL 9000: The odds are not in Mr. Fantana's favor, Nathan.
NATE HOLLIS: You said it, '9000. Perhaps by the time the rumble concludes, cross your fingers, management will finally have discovered the whereabouts of the MISSING Resilience Championship Belt!
HAL 9000: Perhaps someone stole it, Nathan?
NATE HOLLIS: That's what the suspicion is, my main central computer system pal. At the end of Massacre 1, after it was discovered the case previously thought to contain the Resilience belt did not, in fact, contain the belt, it was observed by AWE's own seer of seers Kassandrah that perhaps the belt was stolen. So, in response Francis Ford Ciuppola has been snooping around on a one-man mission to root out the thief. We'll have to wait and see how that shapes up as the evening progresses. At the same time as crowning once more a Resilience Champion we may finally have a belt to go with it.
HAL 9000: I am excited, Nathan.
NATE HOLLIS: You should be, '9000. Cause not only do we have that Royal Rumble main event, we are also kicking off the start of a walk towards crowning the FIRST Paramount Champion in the AWE. And let me tell the field is STACKED with tough customers and dangerous foes that promises to be an uphill climb for whoever makes it through to the final rounds just like the name on the Championship implies. So without much further jawing lets get right down to it. Last Massacre we had two individuals fail to secure a win in a fourway match against two other opponents who will appear later on in the show. First off, we got my man Hanzo Kirigaya, THE DRAGON, taking on the man who is likely inspiring your kids to be better people, Dom DiBona, facing off against newcomer Gabriel Oren DeVille. And let me tell you, you want pulse-pounding, adrenaline-pumping action? We've got that for you. Right from the opening bell the high-fliers did what they do, and Gabriel Oren DeVille? Well... he did what he do... Check it out.
1st Round Match for the Paramount Championship
"The Dragon" Hanzo Kirigaya VS. Dom DiBona VS. Gabriel Oren DeVille
BRAD STOKES: Brilliant strategy removing that turnbuckle pad! That kid may just be worth it, after all.
Gabriel Oren DeVille has deviously removed the turnbuckle pad as Hanzo and Dom battle it out across the ring! Dom on the ring apron exchanges blows with Hanzo inside the ring! Dom athletically leaps onto the ropes only to be surprised as Hanzo kicks the rope and knocks Dom backwards to spill onto the outside!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Nasty spill there! But Hanzo better look out!
Hanzo turns right into a vicious backhand from G.O.D. that staggers The Dragon. DeVille quickly grabs hold of Hanzo’s wrist and swings him in an Irish whip at the corner with the turnbuckle Gabriels just exposed only to be surprised himself as Hanzo reverses the Irish Whip and sends Deville himself whipping chest first into the exposed turnbuckle!
BRAD STOKES: I guess that’s the risk you run, eh Nina?
NINA APPLEBAUM: Absolutely, Bradley. DeVille is in pain now!
The Dragon wastes no time moving in on the stunned and pained Gabriel Oren Deville and promptly flattens G.O.D. with an inverted facelock backbreaker that ignites the crowd!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Dom DiBona is stirring on the outside as Hanzo goes for the cover!
1…
2…
Dom slides in quickly and tugs the leg of Hanzo breaking him off the pin! Hanzo is quickly to his feet and rushing Dom who takes him down with a quick arm drag that sends Hanzo skids across the canvas but rises right back up to charge once more into a second arm drag from Dom with similar results! Dom scouts the third attempt as Hanzo comes right back at him but doesn’t fall for the arm drag, instead surprising Dom with a shining wizard!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Impressive scouting there by Hanzo!
BRAD STOKES: And the cover!
1…
DeVille has come to his feet and dropped an axe handle on Hanzo to break up the pin!
BRAD STOKES: That guy’s just a meddlesome little shit, isn’t he?
NINA APPLEBAUM: Gabriel Oren DeVille still clutching his chest, he’s in obvious pain after being thrown into the turnbuckle he exposed himself.
BRAD STOKES: Aside from that recurring trend of not quite planning ahead, these two kids, Hanzo and Dom, have boosted their game light years ahead of where it was the first show.
NINA APPLEBAUM: That’s a rare compliment coming from you, Bradley.
BRAD STOKES: I can give props. I still think they’re little nancy boy fairies, though. Look at the stupid mask on him.
Gabriel DeVille grips Hanzo by the mask as he tugs him to his feet intentionally obstructing Hanzo’s vision as DeVille clobbers the Dragon right back down to the canvas with a lariat, but by now Dom is on his feet and he lays right into G.O.D with a dropkick that knocks Gabriel backwards into the ropes. Dom spots the opening, with Gabriel DeVille leaning on the ropes as he is, and lays into him with a ferocious superkick that upends G.O.D over the ropes and to the outside!
NINA APPLEBAUM: That had some force behind it!
BRAD STOKES: “Seize the day!” or some tagline DiBona stole from Julius Caesar!
With no time to lose, DiBona turns to see Hanzo rising to his feet fixing his mask. Dom quickly uses the ropes for a springboard that Hanzo charges out of the way of! Dom skillfully lands on his feet to see Hanzo similarly springboard at Dom aiming for a moonsault that Dom avoids! Hanzo rolls through the missed move and lands back on his feet.
NINA APPLEBAUM: With DeVille out of the ring these two have room to fly!
BRAD STOKES: Damn they can move!
Dom is at Hanzo immediately and the two exchange sudden kicks like a crescendo of intensity before Dom swings a lariat Hanzo avoids by ducking under the arm and releasing a snap kick to the side of Dom’s head that staggers DiBona. Hanzo follows up with a bulldog right into the canvas and hurries with a cover!
1…
2…
NINA APPLEBAUM: KICKOUT BY DOM!
BRAD STOKES: Meanwhile, G.O.D. is exiting whatever timezone Dom kicked him into and he’s getting back in the ring. Close call there.
DeVille uses the ropes to climb into the ring just as Hanzo is dragging Dom to his feet. He spots Gabriel DeVille and launches a stiff side kick that DeVille narrowly sidesteps, leaving Hanzo open for a fierce side punch that staggers The Dragon and DeVille charges in and hits a hard knee lift right into Hanzo’s jaw that knocks him down to the canvas. DeVille turns his attention to Dom and aims a lariat right at Dom’s head that Dom slips right under and deftly locks on an inverted headlock right into a backbreaker!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Dom with the quick cover!
1…
2…
Hanzo is there to drop an elbow into Dom’s back and break up the pin!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Just in time there for Hanzo.
BRAD STOKES: They’ve been doling out the punishment quite nicely in this match but it’s hard to say who’s taken the brunt of it, you know?
NINA APPLEBAUM: Hanzo is favoring his jaw now as he preempts Dom’s rise to his feet by tossing him quickly to the corner!
Hanzo follows him for a splash but Dom runs up the turnbuckle and lands behind a stunned Hanzo who finds himself stuck in the corner getting planted by strong, stiff kicks by Dom! Dom’s assault doesn’t last long, though as DeVille is back to his feet and quickly trapping Dom’s arms and dropping him backwards with a bridging dragon suplex into a pin!
BRAD STOKES: For the love of Burchill G.O.D. might steal this thing!
1…
Hanzo regains his senses rapidly and charges in with a boot to DeVille’s midsection that breaks up the pin!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Hanzo was there to halt that sudden surge by G.O.D.
BRAD STOKES: I didn’t think he had it in him anyway.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Who, Hanzo?
BRAD STOKES: Nah, Nina, the Gabriel bastard. He’s been having trouble stringing together offense all match! That pin was his first solid attempt.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Definitely not a solid showing on DeVille’s part.
Hanzo drags DeVille to his feet and backs him into the ropes and delivers a knife edge chop that resounds into the crowd! And another! And another!
BRAD STOKES: And that red welt from the exposed turnbuckle “G.O.D” ran into earlier is only getting redder, Nina. He probably shouldn’t have exposed that so soon!
NINA APPLEBAUM: And the Dragon is firing away on DeVille!
Hanzo backs up, about to really lay into DeVille with a chop only to be knocked senseless by a Deville uppercut to Hanzo’s jaw that sends him staggering! DeVille charges at Hanzo with a wicked lariat that Hanzo ducks last minute and absolutely floors Deville with a step-up enziguri!
NINA APPLEBAUM: The dragon never fails to impress!
Hanzo stands over DeVille and dazzles with a standing shooting star press but DeVille rolls out of the way!
BRAD STOKES: Nothing but mat!
DeVille rolls to his feet ready to capitalize as Hanzo is down and in pain only to be surprised by a sudden near roll-up by Dom right into a German Suplex that stuns DeVille right into a sudden wheelbarrow sitout facebuster!
NINA APPLEBAUM: DOMIN8D!!!
Wide-eyed full of adrenaline, Dom looks at Hanzo as he quickly rolls DeVille onto his back and hooks the leg for the pin!
1…
2….
3!!!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Surprise surprise for Dom DiBona!!
BRAD STOKES: Is that… THAT’S his first professional wrestling win, isn’t it?!
Marshall Douglas moves to center ring dressed colorfully as usual.
MARSHALL DOUGLAS: Here is your winner… DOM…. DIBONNAAAAAAA!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Likely not the way Hanzo wanted that to go.
BRAD STOKES: I can't imagine it would be, but that's this business in a nutshell. Sometimes you eat dust, sometimes you don't. It's the breaks and how we roll with them that count.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Very true. Still, a tough loss for Hanzo Kirigaya, and a big win for for Dom DiBona.
BRAD STOKES: Yeah, and Gabriel Oren DeVille managed to make himself as obtrusive as possible in that match, it’s no wonder he ended up eating that pin instead of anyone else.
NINA APPLEBAUM: However the match ended, it looks like Dom DiBona is moving on in the Paramount Championship tournament!
Gabriel Oren DeVille has deviously removed the turnbuckle pad as Hanzo and Dom battle it out across the ring! Dom on the ring apron exchanges blows with Hanzo inside the ring! Dom athletically leaps onto the ropes only to be surprised as Hanzo kicks the rope and knocks Dom backwards to spill onto the outside!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Nasty spill there! But Hanzo better look out!
Hanzo turns right into a vicious backhand from G.O.D. that staggers The Dragon. DeVille quickly grabs hold of Hanzo’s wrist and swings him in an Irish whip at the corner with the turnbuckle Gabriels just exposed only to be surprised himself as Hanzo reverses the Irish Whip and sends Deville himself whipping chest first into the exposed turnbuckle!
BRAD STOKES: I guess that’s the risk you run, eh Nina?
NINA APPLEBAUM: Absolutely, Bradley. DeVille is in pain now!
The Dragon wastes no time moving in on the stunned and pained Gabriel Oren Deville and promptly flattens G.O.D. with an inverted facelock backbreaker that ignites the crowd!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Dom DiBona is stirring on the outside as Hanzo goes for the cover!
1…
2…
Dom slides in quickly and tugs the leg of Hanzo breaking him off the pin! Hanzo is quickly to his feet and rushing Dom who takes him down with a quick arm drag that sends Hanzo skids across the canvas but rises right back up to charge once more into a second arm drag from Dom with similar results! Dom scouts the third attempt as Hanzo comes right back at him but doesn’t fall for the arm drag, instead surprising Dom with a shining wizard!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Impressive scouting there by Hanzo!
BRAD STOKES: And the cover!
1…
DeVille has come to his feet and dropped an axe handle on Hanzo to break up the pin!
BRAD STOKES: That guy’s just a meddlesome little shit, isn’t he?
NINA APPLEBAUM: Gabriel Oren DeVille still clutching his chest, he’s in obvious pain after being thrown into the turnbuckle he exposed himself.
BRAD STOKES: Aside from that recurring trend of not quite planning ahead, these two kids, Hanzo and Dom, have boosted their game light years ahead of where it was the first show.
NINA APPLEBAUM: That’s a rare compliment coming from you, Bradley.
BRAD STOKES: I can give props. I still think they’re little nancy boy fairies, though. Look at the stupid mask on him.
Gabriel DeVille grips Hanzo by the mask as he tugs him to his feet intentionally obstructing Hanzo’s vision as DeVille clobbers the Dragon right back down to the canvas with a lariat, but by now Dom is on his feet and he lays right into G.O.D with a dropkick that knocks Gabriel backwards into the ropes. Dom spots the opening, with Gabriel DeVille leaning on the ropes as he is, and lays into him with a ferocious superkick that upends G.O.D over the ropes and to the outside!
NINA APPLEBAUM: That had some force behind it!
BRAD STOKES: “Seize the day!” or some tagline DiBona stole from Julius Caesar!
With no time to lose, DiBona turns to see Hanzo rising to his feet fixing his mask. Dom quickly uses the ropes for a springboard that Hanzo charges out of the way of! Dom skillfully lands on his feet to see Hanzo similarly springboard at Dom aiming for a moonsault that Dom avoids! Hanzo rolls through the missed move and lands back on his feet.
NINA APPLEBAUM: With DeVille out of the ring these two have room to fly!
BRAD STOKES: Damn they can move!
Dom is at Hanzo immediately and the two exchange sudden kicks like a crescendo of intensity before Dom swings a lariat Hanzo avoids by ducking under the arm and releasing a snap kick to the side of Dom’s head that staggers DiBona. Hanzo follows up with a bulldog right into the canvas and hurries with a cover!
1…
2…
NINA APPLEBAUM: KICKOUT BY DOM!
BRAD STOKES: Meanwhile, G.O.D. is exiting whatever timezone Dom kicked him into and he’s getting back in the ring. Close call there.
DeVille uses the ropes to climb into the ring just as Hanzo is dragging Dom to his feet. He spots Gabriel DeVille and launches a stiff side kick that DeVille narrowly sidesteps, leaving Hanzo open for a fierce side punch that staggers The Dragon and DeVille charges in and hits a hard knee lift right into Hanzo’s jaw that knocks him down to the canvas. DeVille turns his attention to Dom and aims a lariat right at Dom’s head that Dom slips right under and deftly locks on an inverted headlock right into a backbreaker!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Dom with the quick cover!
1…
2…
Hanzo is there to drop an elbow into Dom’s back and break up the pin!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Just in time there for Hanzo.
BRAD STOKES: They’ve been doling out the punishment quite nicely in this match but it’s hard to say who’s taken the brunt of it, you know?
NINA APPLEBAUM: Hanzo is favoring his jaw now as he preempts Dom’s rise to his feet by tossing him quickly to the corner!
Hanzo follows him for a splash but Dom runs up the turnbuckle and lands behind a stunned Hanzo who finds himself stuck in the corner getting planted by strong, stiff kicks by Dom! Dom’s assault doesn’t last long, though as DeVille is back to his feet and quickly trapping Dom’s arms and dropping him backwards with a bridging dragon suplex into a pin!
BRAD STOKES: For the love of Burchill G.O.D. might steal this thing!
1…
Hanzo regains his senses rapidly and charges in with a boot to DeVille’s midsection that breaks up the pin!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Hanzo was there to halt that sudden surge by G.O.D.
BRAD STOKES: I didn’t think he had it in him anyway.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Who, Hanzo?
BRAD STOKES: Nah, Nina, the Gabriel bastard. He’s been having trouble stringing together offense all match! That pin was his first solid attempt.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Definitely not a solid showing on DeVille’s part.
Hanzo drags DeVille to his feet and backs him into the ropes and delivers a knife edge chop that resounds into the crowd! And another! And another!
BRAD STOKES: And that red welt from the exposed turnbuckle “G.O.D” ran into earlier is only getting redder, Nina. He probably shouldn’t have exposed that so soon!
NINA APPLEBAUM: And the Dragon is firing away on DeVille!
Hanzo backs up, about to really lay into DeVille with a chop only to be knocked senseless by a Deville uppercut to Hanzo’s jaw that sends him staggering! DeVille charges at Hanzo with a wicked lariat that Hanzo ducks last minute and absolutely floors Deville with a step-up enziguri!
NINA APPLEBAUM: The dragon never fails to impress!
Hanzo stands over DeVille and dazzles with a standing shooting star press but DeVille rolls out of the way!
BRAD STOKES: Nothing but mat!
DeVille rolls to his feet ready to capitalize as Hanzo is down and in pain only to be surprised by a sudden near roll-up by Dom right into a German Suplex that stuns DeVille right into a sudden wheelbarrow sitout facebuster!
NINA APPLEBAUM: DOMIN8D!!!
Wide-eyed full of adrenaline, Dom looks at Hanzo as he quickly rolls DeVille onto his back and hooks the leg for the pin!
1…
2….
3!!!
DING! DING! DING!
“Get Free” by the vines kicks in as Dom rises with jubilation as Hanzo smacks the mat in frustration with DeVille laid out. NINA APPLEBAUM: Surprise surprise for Dom DiBona!!
BRAD STOKES: Is that… THAT’S his first professional wrestling win, isn’t it?!
Marshall Douglas moves to center ring dressed colorfully as usual.
MARSHALL DOUGLAS: Here is your winner… DOM…. DIBONNAAAAAAA!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Likely not the way Hanzo wanted that to go.
BRAD STOKES: I can't imagine it would be, but that's this business in a nutshell. Sometimes you eat dust, sometimes you don't. It's the breaks and how we roll with them that count.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Very true. Still, a tough loss for Hanzo Kirigaya, and a big win for for Dom DiBona.
BRAD STOKES: Yeah, and Gabriel Oren DeVille managed to make himself as obtrusive as possible in that match, it’s no wonder he ended up eating that pin instead of anyone else.
NINA APPLEBAUM: However the match ended, it looks like Dom DiBona is moving on in the Paramount Championship tournament!
"Vietnow" by Rage Against the Machine is kicking as Nate bobs his head with a growing sly grin as the camera comes to focus on him. The music volume lowers.
NATE HOLLIS: Yo, yo, how we doin' ladies and gents. It's ya boi Nate Hollis kicking it in the studio with my new robot pal, the Hal 9000 fresh off watching that stellar match. What you thinking, '9000?
HAL 9000: I am not a robot, Nathan. I am an advanced artificial intelligence security system.
NATE HOLLIS: Damn right, and don't let anyone tell you different. But the match! You must have some thoughts on the first match of the night?
HAL 9000: I believe the match to have been an adequate showcase of the talents of both Hanzo and Dom DiBona. I will be interested to see more from both of them.
NATE HOLLIS: Ahhhhh, that's the sterile way of saying those two killed it out there tonight. My man G.O.D, though? Not so much. Tough break for Hanzo but I'm quite sure that's little more than a setback for the Dragon who's already proven himself to be a formidable combatant. But with that match in the can we now know that the second round of the Paramount Championship is going to feature the high flying hero that could from Ohio. But there's still so much more to come here on AWE Massacre, including three more first round matches in the Paramount Championship tournament, and don't forget about the Resilience Royal Rumble. And it's all coming up right after this!
NATE HOLLIS: Yo, yo, how we doin' ladies and gents. It's ya boi Nate Hollis kicking it in the studio with my new robot pal, the Hal 9000 fresh off watching that stellar match. What you thinking, '9000?
HAL 9000: I am not a robot, Nathan. I am an advanced artificial intelligence security system.
NATE HOLLIS: Damn right, and don't let anyone tell you different. But the match! You must have some thoughts on the first match of the night?
HAL 9000: I believe the match to have been an adequate showcase of the talents of both Hanzo and Dom DiBona. I will be interested to see more from both of them.
NATE HOLLIS: Ahhhhh, that's the sterile way of saying those two killed it out there tonight. My man G.O.D, though? Not so much. Tough break for Hanzo but I'm quite sure that's little more than a setback for the Dragon who's already proven himself to be a formidable combatant. But with that match in the can we now know that the second round of the Paramount Championship is going to feature the high flying hero that could from Ohio. But there's still so much more to come here on AWE Massacre, including three more first round matches in the Paramount Championship tournament, and don't forget about the Resilience Royal Rumble. And it's all coming up right after this!
She nervously peeks through the curtain out onto the gymnasium floor, where a rival gymnast is completing her routine to furious applause. The walls reverberate as the judges scores are read out loud over the speaker system to an approving crowd. She sighs loudly and looks pensive down at the floor. Her coach is beside her.
COACH: Nervous?
The gymnast awkwardly weighs her answer.
GYMNAST: Ehhhhh, yeah, but it's--It's not that.
Her coach is thoughtful a moment before a bright-eyed epiphany occurs to her, followed by a knowing smile.
COACH: Here.
She hands her gymnast/pupil a package. The gymnast barely glances at what she's been handed before looking aghast to her coach.
GYMNAST: Performance enhancers? But--
The Coach smiles.
COACH: No, silly. Look at the box.
The gymnasts' eyes light up. Cue awesome uplifting jungle.
COACH: Nervous?
The gymnast awkwardly weighs her answer.
GYMNAST: Ehhhhh, yeah, but it's--It's not that.
Her coach is thoughtful a moment before a bright-eyed epiphany occurs to her, followed by a knowing smile.
COACH: Here.
She hands her gymnast/pupil a package. The gymnast barely glances at what she's been handed before looking aghast to her coach.
GYMNAST: Performance enhancers? But--
The Coach smiles.
COACH: No, silly. Look at the box.
The gymnasts' eyes light up. Cue awesome uplifting jungle.
JINGLE: You gotta do great,
so you're gonna do great!
And when you gotta do great
you're gonna gonna do GREAT!
With CHAMMMMPAAAAXXX!
so you're gonna do great!
And when you gotta do great
you're gonna gonna do GREAT!
With CHAMMMMPAAAAXXX!
Awesome star wipe to the gymnast returning to her coach waiting in the wings as the crowd gives a standing ovation after what is assuredly a gold medal performance!
COACH: WOW! You did so great out there!
GYMNAST: Oh, I can't take all the credit.
Looks at the camera with a bright smile as she holds up the box of Champax!
Cut out to a street where a woman is glaring at the fact some thoughtless person has double-parked her into her parking space on the side of the street! She is fuming! She's going to be late. Two males are standing smirking at her predicament.
ARROGANT ASSHOLE #1: Awwwwww, check kitty kat out! Did someone block you in?
He mock pouts and dries tears as she glares at the pair.
WOMAN ON THE STREET: Do you mind? I'm going to be late!
ARROGANT ASSHOLE #2: Wut-oh! Looks like SOMEbody's on their period!
They snicker and mock as she gets a bright idea.
Awesome star wipe to the woman getting in under her car and lifting the car right out of her parking space! She stomps over the double-parked vehicle smooshing it terribly and sets her car on the road as the two men watch in humbled shock and awe.
ARROGANT ASSHOLE #1: Whoa... you, like, lifted that car.
ARROGANT ASSHOLE #2: Holy shit...
She smirks at them whilst standing beside her car, and reveals a bright smile and holds up her package of Champax. The two humbled men exchange amazed looks that turn into wide nodding smiles of recognition.
Blackout to a product presentation screen of Champax as the jingle music continues!
VOICEOVER ANNOUNCER: Champax. The Tampon of Champions. Perfect for athletes in every sport, but also for champions who work 9 to 5!
COACH: WOW! You did so great out there!
GYMNAST: Oh, I can't take all the credit.
Looks at the camera with a bright smile as she holds up the box of Champax!
JINGLE: You gotta do great,
so you're gonna do great!
And when you gotta do great
you're gonna gonna do GREAT!
With CHAMMMMPAAAAXXX!
so you're gonna do great!
And when you gotta do great
you're gonna gonna do GREAT!
With CHAMMMMPAAAAXXX!
Cut out to a street where a woman is glaring at the fact some thoughtless person has double-parked her into her parking space on the side of the street! She is fuming! She's going to be late. Two males are standing smirking at her predicament.
ARROGANT ASSHOLE #1: Awwwwww, check kitty kat out! Did someone block you in?
He mock pouts and dries tears as she glares at the pair.
WOMAN ON THE STREET: Do you mind? I'm going to be late!
ARROGANT ASSHOLE #2: Wut-oh! Looks like SOMEbody's on their period!
They snicker and mock as she gets a bright idea.
JINGLE: You gotta do great,
so you're gonna do great!
And when you gotta do great
you're gonna gonna do GREAT!
With CHAMMMMPAAAAXXX!
so you're gonna do great!
And when you gotta do great
you're gonna gonna do GREAT!
With CHAMMMMPAAAAXXX!
Awesome star wipe to the woman getting in under her car and lifting the car right out of her parking space! She stomps over the double-parked vehicle smooshing it terribly and sets her car on the road as the two men watch in humbled shock and awe.
ARROGANT ASSHOLE #1: Whoa... you, like, lifted that car.
ARROGANT ASSHOLE #2: Holy shit...
She smirks at them whilst standing beside her car, and reveals a bright smile and holds up her package of Champax. The two humbled men exchange amazed looks that turn into wide nodding smiles of recognition.
Blackout to a product presentation screen of Champax as the jingle music continues!
VOICEOVER ANNOUNCER: Champax. The Tampon of Champions. Perfect for athletes in every sport, but also for champions who work 9 to 5!
1st Round Match for the Paramount Championship
Stoker VS. Aokigahara Zombie VS. Corey Sanders
BRAD STOKES: So, I don't get it is that guy some sort of clown or something?
NINA APPLEBAUM: Which one, Bradley?
NINA APPLEBAUM: Which one, Bradley?
Inside the ring Aokigahara Zombie stands wobbly soaking up blows from Stoker on one side, and Corey Sanders on the other, neither seemingly able to drop Zombie where he stands. Without warning Zombie decks Sanders with a hard elbow and clotheslines Stoker down to the canvas in a brutal one two that has the crowd roaring!
BRAD STOKES: I don’t know, actually. I’d say the guy with the facepaint, but so far he’s not making me laugh, so the Zombie guy, I guess, but the jury’s still out on him too.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Well, Bradley. Aokigahara Zombie is a man with “gata-Z”, or the zombie blood type, and he’s the kind of sponge for punishment very few want to have to sort out in the ring.
Stoker rolls his jaw as Zombie rises as well, from the side Sanders kips to his feet and lays into Zombie with a spinning heel kick that knocks Zombie sideways then Sanders hits a stiff sidekick right into Stoker’s midsection that doubles him over, Sanders drops him on his head with a DDT and goes for the cover as Izzy Jones slams her palms down hard on the ring apron giddily in support of Corey on the outside!
1..
NINA APPLEBAUM: Kickout after 1!
BRAD STOKES: You think Izzy Jones would go out with me after her husband is killed by one of those two monsters, Nina?
NINA APPLEBAUM: The two so-called “monsters” in this match better watch out for Corey Sanders, Bradley. He’s a highly decorated martial artist!
BRAD STOKES: Don’t tell me you’re so gullible as to fall for this westernized martial art colored belt bullshit, Nina? Skill in the martial arts isn’t something you measure by degrees.
NINA APPLEBAUM: You never told me you studied the martial arts, Bradley.
BRAD STOKES: *sniffs arrogantly* I know a little.
As Sanders is set to drag Stoker to his feet he’s surprised by a vicious punch to the throat from Stoker that leaves Sander’s gasping for air. On the outside Izzy Jones is concerned for Corey as Stoker climbs to his feet slowly, keeping an eye on Zombie who makes eye contact with Stoker and meets him in the middle of the ring with a fierce gutkick into a swinging neckbreaker!
BRAD STOKES: The booking team made this out to be a completely different match than it is, Nina.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Definitely. Far from a bout between good and evil, this is really about brawlers versus the finesse of Corey Sanders so far!
Zombie rises and bulldogs the still sputtering Corey Sanders whily Izzy Jones roars encouragements to Corey! Zombie rises and drops a mean elbow into Sanders’ spine before locking on a wicked looking crossface!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Look for Zombie to remain right at home going the distance in this match, dishing out the pain. This could be a long night for Stoker and Corey Sanders.
BRAD STOKES: He doesn’t care if he wins or loses. That’s the worst kind of competitor to be on the opposite side of the ring from.
Stoker rises once more, this time rolling his neck. Methodically he moves to zombie and sends a stiff, hard kick right into Zombie’s kidney that has Aoki growl in pain. Stoker drags him to his feet and belts into Zombie’s jaw with a hard hitting thrust punch that stuns Zombie and leaves him open for a snap suplex!
BRAD STOKES: I don’t know why they think that guy’s a clown. There is absolutely nothing funny about any of that. Just violence. I love it.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Quite possibly a misunderstanding, Bradley. Doesn’t seem to be preventing Stoker from stomping a mudhole down into Corey Sanders right now!
The ring jostles as Stoker really lays into stiff kicks down onto Corey Sanders’ back. Meanwhile Zombie rolls to his feet with a look of enjoyment on his face as he goes right back at Stoker, in behind and SLAMS Stoker down over his knees in a bow and arrow backbreaker!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Brutal!
Corey Sanders manages to roll out under the ring ropes to gather his bearings.
BRAD STOKES: I wouldn’t want to be stuck in a ring with those two either, if I were Corey Sanders.
Zombie is on his feet again and spotting Sanders who clears the cobwebs just as Zombie takes a running start and dives through the ring ropes at him! Corey Sanders surprises with a sudden dropkick right into Zombie’s chest!
NINA APPLEBAUM: On the outside now, Corey Sanders isn’t one to trifle with either, Bradley.
Sanders rises to his feet and finds Zombie where he lays, mounts downward and sends a flurry of brutal punches that keeps Zombie down. IN the ring, Stoker has risen once more and has slid his way under the ropes to make his way around the ring to meet Sanders and Zombie.
BRAD STOKES: And there’s Theo Refano, kindly keeping the count honest, like it matters. These three are likely going to kill each other.
3!
4!
Stoker surprises Sanders, grabbing him and pulling him off Zombie. Sanders quickly snaps an elbow at Stoker that staggers him, Sanders lands a sudden flurry of punches that backs Stoker unexpectedly up. Sanders moves in for a judo arm drag only to find the momentum shift as Stoker swings him around right into the ring post!
5!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Not Sanders’ forte by any means.
6!
Sanders’ punches clearly left a mark on Sanders who staggers at Corey Sanders who is propped on one knee against the ring post. Stoker slams Sander’s face once more into the ring post before swinging him hard into the ring, breaking up the referee’s count just as Zombie has gotten to his feet and slammed a shoulder into Stoker’s midsection and driven him back into the ring post and doesn’t stop there, managing to lift Stoker and SLAM him down with a spinebuster to the outside! As Zombie stands, the crowd roars as Corey Sanders takes flight with a slingshot crossbody block to the outside flattening Zombie to the floor!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Finally something for Izzy Jones to approve of!
BRAD STOKES: That must be so disappointing not being married to me, Nina.
1!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Theo Refano restarts the count now with all three men on the outside once more!
Sanders is back on top of Zombie laying brutal fists into Aoki’s face. Stoker climbs his way back inside the ring and stops the count as Sanders unleashes punishment right into Zombie.
NINA APPLEBAUM: It’s hard to say what kind of strategy any of these men is working from at this point as it’s nearly devolved into a brawl on the outside.
Sanders notes Stoker’s back in the ring and takes the opportunity to drag Zombie up to his feet and toss him back into the ring. Sanders follows suit, climbing in only to be greeted by a sudden double-knee facebreaker from Stoker!
NINA APPLEBAUM: He calls that the Immortalizer!
BRAD STOKES: And that settles it, Izzy Jones needs to dump Sanders and come home with me after that shot!
Sanders is down and in pain. As Stoker rises, Zombie does as well and unloads a shot at Stoker that is reciprocated. The two going toe-to-toe in the center of the ring trading shots as the crowd packs onto its feet!
BRAD STOKES: Those shots look massive! The ring is shaking!
NINA APPLEBAUM: It’s supposed to do that, Bradley.
BRAD STOKES: Way to sell for the kiddies, Nina.
As Stoker swings a shot at Aoki, Zombie ducks and surprises Stoker with a mandible claw!
NINA APPLEBAUM: The Itai Claw!!! Zombie’s got him!
Zombie leverages the claw on Stoker, backing him up about to drop him only to be surprised himself as Stoker lays a hard thrusting fist upwards into Aokigahara Zombie’s jaw, then a downward elbow that forces Zombie to drop the claw and stagger backwards enough for Stoker to hit a three quarter jawbreaker!!
NINA APPLEBAUM: THE SOBERING!
Stoker goes for the pin as Izzy on the outside jostles the ring in an effort to rouse Corey Sanders who is beginning to stir!
1…
2..
3!!!
“Sober” by Tool begins on the speaker as Stoker rises hauntingly up off the fallen Zombie as Sanders is still pretty out of it.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Impressive victory there by Stoker!
MARSHALL DOUGLAS: HERE IS YOUR WINNER…. STOKERRRRRRRRRR!
The ref tries to lift Stoker’s arm in victory but Stoker glares him off and rolls his way out of the ring.
BRAD STOKES: Nah. Not funny at all. Neither was that win.
NINA APPLEBAUM: A hard fought match by all three men, in the end it looked like Stoker had a bit more gas in the tank, and he’s going to be moving ahead in the Paramount Championship tournament!
BRAD STOKES: I don’t know, actually. I’d say the guy with the facepaint, but so far he’s not making me laugh, so the Zombie guy, I guess, but the jury’s still out on him too.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Well, Bradley. Aokigahara Zombie is a man with “gata-Z”, or the zombie blood type, and he’s the kind of sponge for punishment very few want to have to sort out in the ring.
Stoker rolls his jaw as Zombie rises as well, from the side Sanders kips to his feet and lays into Zombie with a spinning heel kick that knocks Zombie sideways then Sanders hits a stiff sidekick right into Stoker’s midsection that doubles him over, Sanders drops him on his head with a DDT and goes for the cover as Izzy Jones slams her palms down hard on the ring apron giddily in support of Corey on the outside!
1..
NINA APPLEBAUM: Kickout after 1!
BRAD STOKES: You think Izzy Jones would go out with me after her husband is killed by one of those two monsters, Nina?
NINA APPLEBAUM: The two so-called “monsters” in this match better watch out for Corey Sanders, Bradley. He’s a highly decorated martial artist!
BRAD STOKES: Don’t tell me you’re so gullible as to fall for this westernized martial art colored belt bullshit, Nina? Skill in the martial arts isn’t something you measure by degrees.
NINA APPLEBAUM: You never told me you studied the martial arts, Bradley.
BRAD STOKES: *sniffs arrogantly* I know a little.
As Sanders is set to drag Stoker to his feet he’s surprised by a vicious punch to the throat from Stoker that leaves Sander’s gasping for air. On the outside Izzy Jones is concerned for Corey as Stoker climbs to his feet slowly, keeping an eye on Zombie who makes eye contact with Stoker and meets him in the middle of the ring with a fierce gutkick into a swinging neckbreaker!
BRAD STOKES: The booking team made this out to be a completely different match than it is, Nina.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Definitely. Far from a bout between good and evil, this is really about brawlers versus the finesse of Corey Sanders so far!
Zombie rises and bulldogs the still sputtering Corey Sanders whily Izzy Jones roars encouragements to Corey! Zombie rises and drops a mean elbow into Sanders’ spine before locking on a wicked looking crossface!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Look for Zombie to remain right at home going the distance in this match, dishing out the pain. This could be a long night for Stoker and Corey Sanders.
BRAD STOKES: He doesn’t care if he wins or loses. That’s the worst kind of competitor to be on the opposite side of the ring from.
Stoker rises once more, this time rolling his neck. Methodically he moves to zombie and sends a stiff, hard kick right into Zombie’s kidney that has Aoki growl in pain. Stoker drags him to his feet and belts into Zombie’s jaw with a hard hitting thrust punch that stuns Zombie and leaves him open for a snap suplex!
BRAD STOKES: I don’t know why they think that guy’s a clown. There is absolutely nothing funny about any of that. Just violence. I love it.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Quite possibly a misunderstanding, Bradley. Doesn’t seem to be preventing Stoker from stomping a mudhole down into Corey Sanders right now!
The ring jostles as Stoker really lays into stiff kicks down onto Corey Sanders’ back. Meanwhile Zombie rolls to his feet with a look of enjoyment on his face as he goes right back at Stoker, in behind and SLAMS Stoker down over his knees in a bow and arrow backbreaker!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Brutal!
Corey Sanders manages to roll out under the ring ropes to gather his bearings.
BRAD STOKES: I wouldn’t want to be stuck in a ring with those two either, if I were Corey Sanders.
Zombie is on his feet again and spotting Sanders who clears the cobwebs just as Zombie takes a running start and dives through the ring ropes at him! Corey Sanders surprises with a sudden dropkick right into Zombie’s chest!
NINA APPLEBAUM: On the outside now, Corey Sanders isn’t one to trifle with either, Bradley.
Sanders rises to his feet and finds Zombie where he lays, mounts downward and sends a flurry of brutal punches that keeps Zombie down. IN the ring, Stoker has risen once more and has slid his way under the ropes to make his way around the ring to meet Sanders and Zombie.
BRAD STOKES: And there’s Theo Refano, kindly keeping the count honest, like it matters. These three are likely going to kill each other.
3!
4!
Stoker surprises Sanders, grabbing him and pulling him off Zombie. Sanders quickly snaps an elbow at Stoker that staggers him, Sanders lands a sudden flurry of punches that backs Stoker unexpectedly up. Sanders moves in for a judo arm drag only to find the momentum shift as Stoker swings him around right into the ring post!
5!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Not Sanders’ forte by any means.
6!
Sanders’ punches clearly left a mark on Sanders who staggers at Corey Sanders who is propped on one knee against the ring post. Stoker slams Sander’s face once more into the ring post before swinging him hard into the ring, breaking up the referee’s count just as Zombie has gotten to his feet and slammed a shoulder into Stoker’s midsection and driven him back into the ring post and doesn’t stop there, managing to lift Stoker and SLAM him down with a spinebuster to the outside! As Zombie stands, the crowd roars as Corey Sanders takes flight with a slingshot crossbody block to the outside flattening Zombie to the floor!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Finally something for Izzy Jones to approve of!
BRAD STOKES: That must be so disappointing not being married to me, Nina.
1!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Theo Refano restarts the count now with all three men on the outside once more!
Sanders is back on top of Zombie laying brutal fists into Aoki’s face. Stoker climbs his way back inside the ring and stops the count as Sanders unleashes punishment right into Zombie.
NINA APPLEBAUM: It’s hard to say what kind of strategy any of these men is working from at this point as it’s nearly devolved into a brawl on the outside.
Sanders notes Stoker’s back in the ring and takes the opportunity to drag Zombie up to his feet and toss him back into the ring. Sanders follows suit, climbing in only to be greeted by a sudden double-knee facebreaker from Stoker!
NINA APPLEBAUM: He calls that the Immortalizer!
BRAD STOKES: And that settles it, Izzy Jones needs to dump Sanders and come home with me after that shot!
Sanders is down and in pain. As Stoker rises, Zombie does as well and unloads a shot at Stoker that is reciprocated. The two going toe-to-toe in the center of the ring trading shots as the crowd packs onto its feet!
BRAD STOKES: Those shots look massive! The ring is shaking!
NINA APPLEBAUM: It’s supposed to do that, Bradley.
BRAD STOKES: Way to sell for the kiddies, Nina.
As Stoker swings a shot at Aoki, Zombie ducks and surprises Stoker with a mandible claw!
NINA APPLEBAUM: The Itai Claw!!! Zombie’s got him!
Zombie leverages the claw on Stoker, backing him up about to drop him only to be surprised himself as Stoker lays a hard thrusting fist upwards into Aokigahara Zombie’s jaw, then a downward elbow that forces Zombie to drop the claw and stagger backwards enough for Stoker to hit a three quarter jawbreaker!!
NINA APPLEBAUM: THE SOBERING!
Stoker goes for the pin as Izzy on the outside jostles the ring in an effort to rouse Corey Sanders who is beginning to stir!
1…
2..
3!!!
DING! DING! DING!
“Sober” by Tool begins on the speaker as Stoker rises hauntingly up off the fallen Zombie as Sanders is still pretty out of it.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Impressive victory there by Stoker!
MARSHALL DOUGLAS: HERE IS YOUR WINNER…. STOKERRRRRRRRRR!
The ref tries to lift Stoker’s arm in victory but Stoker glares him off and rolls his way out of the ring.
BRAD STOKES: Nah. Not funny at all. Neither was that win.
NINA APPLEBAUM: A hard fought match by all three men, in the end it looked like Stoker had a bit more gas in the tank, and he’s going to be moving ahead in the Paramount Championship tournament!
The cameras cut to the 2300 Arena's box office, where a stately old man in a blue madras sports coat and matching slacks is waiting impatiently to receive his ticket.
BOX OFFICE CLERK: I am sorry, sir, but there are no tickets reserved under that name.
OLD MAN: No, that can't be right. He assured me that he reserved one. If it's not under Bobby Franchise, perhaps Bob Francis.
BOX OFFICE CLERK: I'm afraid not, sir. May I ask who reserved them for you?
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Benny Stevens.
BOX OFFICE CLERK: I don't have any tickets here under that name.
Bobby sighs and shakes his head. His face turns red as if steam is about to escape his ears.
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Perhaps...
The old man's voice turns to a whisper.
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Perhaps he used a different name. Try... try Vag Crushing Overlord, if you will.
BOX OFFICE CLERK: I'm sorry?
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Vag Crushing Overlord.
The box office clerk laughs uncomfortably.
BOX OFFICE CLERK: I apologize, sir. It's just, the glass. I didn't quite hear you.
Bobby has grown quite irritated by now and slams his fist on the counter.
BOBBY FRANCHISE: I said the VCO! The Vag Crushing Overlord!
This commotion has drawn attention to the box office from a few patrons of the 2300 Arena.
BOX OFFICE CLERK: Oh, I do see that name on the list, sir. You must be the B-O-Double-B.
Bobby rolls his eyes and holds his palm out for the ticket, just happy that this entire ordeal is over, when behind him, he hears a voice.
VOICE: Well, I'll be damned. It's Bobby Franchise!
Franchise slowly turns around to see the Resilience Champion Zack Fantana standing behind him.
ZACK FANTANA: I didn't know you were in town. You've come to watch your protégé defend the championship, have you?
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Championship?
ZACK FANTANA: It's... at the cleaner's. Don't worry about it. What's the problem here? Forgot your wallet?
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Oh, no. There was just an issue with the ticket.
Zack approaches the box office.
ZACK FANTANA: It's cool. He's with me.
BOBBY FRANCHISE: No, no. It's sorted now.
The box office clerk finally hands the ticket out to Bobby.
BOX OFFICE CLERK: Here you are, Mr. B-O-Double-B. Please tell the Vag Crushing Overlord we said hello.
Fantana squints at the clerk and then looks at Bob.
ZACK FANTANA: Vag Crushing... Oh, I get it. You're here to support him...
VOICE: Yoooooo! It’s the boy B-O double B in the house!
Both Zack Fantana and Bobby Franchise turn around to stare at the individual approaching them. Once the camera focuses said person, we notice that it’s Benny Stevens.
BENNY STEVENS: That’s what’s up, Bobby… I’m glad you’re here, friendo.
Benny has a smile across the face, his words definitely sound genuine. He hugs Bobby before a fist bump. Zack observes in silence while Benny totally ignores his presence.
BENNY STEVENS: The fuck are you doing here, though? Listen, I took advantage of my superstar backstage powers and got you a VIP ticket, man. Front row seat! Anyway, how are you doing?
Before Bobby could answer, Benny turns to Zack Fantana.
BENNY STEVENS: Well, well, well… Look at ya.
Benny embraces Bobby’s back and brings him closer to stand by his side. Bobby shakes his head as he adjusts his flawless plaid coat.
BENNY STEVENS: How are you doing, Champ? Bet you’re nervous, I mean, lets be honest… You’re fucked.
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Benny…
Benny laughs and throws his hands in the air. Fortunately, For Bobby, Benny lets him go of the embrace. Next, the Playboy moves toward the box office.
BENNY STEVENS: So… I kinda lost my backstage pass.
BOX OFFICE CLERK: Ok, mister. That means you will not be able to access the backstage, unless you intend to buy another pass, of course.
Zack looks at Bobby and shakes his head – an action that was reciprocated by Franchise, followed by a shrug.
BENNY STEVENS: No, no, no… Listen. I’m the motherfuckin’ star. Benny Stevens is the name. You know it, huh?
BOX OFFICE CLERK: Sorry, mister… You name is not on the list.
BENNY STEVENS: What the-? You ain’t even give that list a look, man! Don’t you recognize Benny Stevens!?
No response. Zack folds his arms and shakes his head.
BENNY STEVENS: The Playboy?
BOX OFFICE CLERK: Nope.
BENNY STEVENS: Benjamin? C’mon, that’s my real name.
BOX OFFICE CLERK: I am sorry, mister. Do you want to buy another ticket? I am afraid we ran out of backstage passes, but you can still buy regular tickets.
Benny sighs. He turns to Bobby & Zack and laughs as if he’s got everything under control. Then, he turns back to the box office clerk.
BENNY STEVENS: Look, man… I forgot my pass in Seattle, okay? I messed up. At least look for something like The VCO.
BOX OFFICE CLERK: Oh, it’s you! The Vag-Crushin' Overlord! Sir, I am really sorry. This was but a mistake. Here’s a temporary pass... Now go kick some ass!
Benny grabs his pass and chuckles.
BENNY STEVENS: It’s all good… You’re team VCO, ain’t ya?
BOX OFFICE CLERK: I’m afraid not.
BENNY STEVENS: Man… Whatever.
Benny approaches Zack Fantana this time. They have cold eye-to-eye stare, in the meanwhile, Bobby simply observes both of his trainees.
BENNY STEVENS: Listen… I’m going to eliminate you, Zachary. I promise I’ll do my best to get it done this time. No bullshit.
Zack doesn’t appear to be intimidated at all. In fact, he pursed his mouth in a smirk. Benny notices so and smirks as well, but we can tell that he doesn’t look as confident as his opponent.
BOBBY FRANCHISE: So… I’ve got to rest my legs and you youngins have a match soon. Are we going to stand here for a while or what?
Zack eyeballs Benny one last time before a respectful nod to Bobby Franchise. Then, he begins to walk out of sight.
ZACK FANTANA: You know what? I've got shit to do. You two enjoy the show.
Benny watches Zack going away and laughs.
BENNY STEVENS: You see that, Bobby? I swear he’s jealous, man.
Bobby rolls his eyes.
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Yeah… Definitely.
BENNY STEVENS: Do you think I managed to intimidate him? I saw the fear in his eyes. He’s scared. He’s terrified ‘cause he knows that I’ll chase that ass ‘til he’s donezo.
Bobby looks at Benny clueless after those suspicious words.
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Ummm…
BENNY STEVENS: No homo, though! I mean, I’ll be watching him in the ring ready to kick him out and then I will…
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Alright alright, VCO. Lets roll.
Benny lifts up his fist for another fist bump, which Bobby reciprocates.
BENNY STEVENS: I’m proud of you, Bob. You’re learning the cool vocab... Now you just need to get me a fuckin’ sponsor deal or some shit like that. I’m tired of sleeping in my car!
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Oh, speaking of so… You still owe me for that gum box which I bought you in July.
BENNY STEVENS: Yo, what the fuck?
Bobby laughs and starts to walk away. Afterwards, so does Benny. The scene fades.
BOX OFFICE CLERK: I am sorry, sir, but there are no tickets reserved under that name.
OLD MAN: No, that can't be right. He assured me that he reserved one. If it's not under Bobby Franchise, perhaps Bob Francis.
BOX OFFICE CLERK: I'm afraid not, sir. May I ask who reserved them for you?
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Benny Stevens.
BOX OFFICE CLERK: I don't have any tickets here under that name.
Bobby sighs and shakes his head. His face turns red as if steam is about to escape his ears.
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Perhaps...
The old man's voice turns to a whisper.
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Perhaps he used a different name. Try... try Vag Crushing Overlord, if you will.
BOX OFFICE CLERK: I'm sorry?
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Vag Crushing Overlord.
The box office clerk laughs uncomfortably.
BOX OFFICE CLERK: I apologize, sir. It's just, the glass. I didn't quite hear you.
Bobby has grown quite irritated by now and slams his fist on the counter.
BOBBY FRANCHISE: I said the VCO! The Vag Crushing Overlord!
This commotion has drawn attention to the box office from a few patrons of the 2300 Arena.
BOX OFFICE CLERK: Oh, I do see that name on the list, sir. You must be the B-O-Double-B.
Bobby rolls his eyes and holds his palm out for the ticket, just happy that this entire ordeal is over, when behind him, he hears a voice.
VOICE: Well, I'll be damned. It's Bobby Franchise!
Franchise slowly turns around to see the Resilience Champion Zack Fantana standing behind him.
ZACK FANTANA: I didn't know you were in town. You've come to watch your protégé defend the championship, have you?
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Championship?
ZACK FANTANA: It's... at the cleaner's. Don't worry about it. What's the problem here? Forgot your wallet?
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Oh, no. There was just an issue with the ticket.
Zack approaches the box office.
ZACK FANTANA: It's cool. He's with me.
BOBBY FRANCHISE: No, no. It's sorted now.
The box office clerk finally hands the ticket out to Bobby.
BOX OFFICE CLERK: Here you are, Mr. B-O-Double-B. Please tell the Vag Crushing Overlord we said hello.
Fantana squints at the clerk and then looks at Bob.
ZACK FANTANA: Vag Crushing... Oh, I get it. You're here to support him...
VOICE: Yoooooo! It’s the boy B-O double B in the house!
Both Zack Fantana and Bobby Franchise turn around to stare at the individual approaching them. Once the camera focuses said person, we notice that it’s Benny Stevens.
BENNY STEVENS: That’s what’s up, Bobby… I’m glad you’re here, friendo.
Benny has a smile across the face, his words definitely sound genuine. He hugs Bobby before a fist bump. Zack observes in silence while Benny totally ignores his presence.
BENNY STEVENS: The fuck are you doing here, though? Listen, I took advantage of my superstar backstage powers and got you a VIP ticket, man. Front row seat! Anyway, how are you doing?
Before Bobby could answer, Benny turns to Zack Fantana.
BENNY STEVENS: Well, well, well… Look at ya.
Benny embraces Bobby’s back and brings him closer to stand by his side. Bobby shakes his head as he adjusts his flawless plaid coat.
BENNY STEVENS: How are you doing, Champ? Bet you’re nervous, I mean, lets be honest… You’re fucked.
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Benny…
Benny laughs and throws his hands in the air. Fortunately, For Bobby, Benny lets him go of the embrace. Next, the Playboy moves toward the box office.
BENNY STEVENS: So… I kinda lost my backstage pass.
BOX OFFICE CLERK: Ok, mister. That means you will not be able to access the backstage, unless you intend to buy another pass, of course.
Zack looks at Bobby and shakes his head – an action that was reciprocated by Franchise, followed by a shrug.
BENNY STEVENS: No, no, no… Listen. I’m the motherfuckin’ star. Benny Stevens is the name. You know it, huh?
BOX OFFICE CLERK: Sorry, mister… You name is not on the list.
BENNY STEVENS: What the-? You ain’t even give that list a look, man! Don’t you recognize Benny Stevens!?
No response. Zack folds his arms and shakes his head.
BENNY STEVENS: The Playboy?
BOX OFFICE CLERK: Nope.
BENNY STEVENS: Benjamin? C’mon, that’s my real name.
BOX OFFICE CLERK: I am sorry, mister. Do you want to buy another ticket? I am afraid we ran out of backstage passes, but you can still buy regular tickets.
Benny sighs. He turns to Bobby & Zack and laughs as if he’s got everything under control. Then, he turns back to the box office clerk.
BENNY STEVENS: Look, man… I forgot my pass in Seattle, okay? I messed up. At least look for something like The VCO.
BOX OFFICE CLERK: Oh, it’s you! The Vag-Crushin' Overlord! Sir, I am really sorry. This was but a mistake. Here’s a temporary pass... Now go kick some ass!
Benny grabs his pass and chuckles.
BENNY STEVENS: It’s all good… You’re team VCO, ain’t ya?
BOX OFFICE CLERK: I’m afraid not.
BENNY STEVENS: Man… Whatever.
Benny approaches Zack Fantana this time. They have cold eye-to-eye stare, in the meanwhile, Bobby simply observes both of his trainees.
BENNY STEVENS: Listen… I’m going to eliminate you, Zachary. I promise I’ll do my best to get it done this time. No bullshit.
Zack doesn’t appear to be intimidated at all. In fact, he pursed his mouth in a smirk. Benny notices so and smirks as well, but we can tell that he doesn’t look as confident as his opponent.
BOBBY FRANCHISE: So… I’ve got to rest my legs and you youngins have a match soon. Are we going to stand here for a while or what?
Zack eyeballs Benny one last time before a respectful nod to Bobby Franchise. Then, he begins to walk out of sight.
ZACK FANTANA: You know what? I've got shit to do. You two enjoy the show.
Benny watches Zack going away and laughs.
BENNY STEVENS: You see that, Bobby? I swear he’s jealous, man.
Bobby rolls his eyes.
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Yeah… Definitely.
BENNY STEVENS: Do you think I managed to intimidate him? I saw the fear in his eyes. He’s scared. He’s terrified ‘cause he knows that I’ll chase that ass ‘til he’s donezo.
Bobby looks at Benny clueless after those suspicious words.
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Ummm…
BENNY STEVENS: No homo, though! I mean, I’ll be watching him in the ring ready to kick him out and then I will…
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Alright alright, VCO. Lets roll.
Benny lifts up his fist for another fist bump, which Bobby reciprocates.
BENNY STEVENS: I’m proud of you, Bob. You’re learning the cool vocab... Now you just need to get me a fuckin’ sponsor deal or some shit like that. I’m tired of sleeping in my car!
BOBBY FRANCHISE: Oh, speaking of so… You still owe me for that gum box which I bought you in July.
BENNY STEVENS: Yo, what the fuck?
Bobby laughs and starts to walk away. Afterwards, so does Benny. The scene fades.
Metallica's "Sad But True" is playing as Nate grins to the camera once more. The music volume fades.
NATE HOLLIS: A little pre-rumble camaraderie and hijinx for y'all courtesy of the Franchise himself Bobby Franchise and the ongoing presumptive on-again off-again bromance between Benny Stevens and Zack Fantana. All that aside, how about that match between Stoker, Sanders and Zombie?
Nate looks impressed.
HAL 9000: I have watched, and re-watched the footage, Nathan and I'm still unclear why Bradley Stokes believes Izzy Jones would want to be married to him instead of Corey Sanders.
NATE HOLLIS: That's just Brad being Brad. But how about my man Stoker? It takes a lot of effort to put Corey Sanders down let alone the Aoki Zombie himself. Not sure where Stoker comes from per se, but you gotta hand the man a nice round of applause for pulling that one out.
HAL 9000: Mathematically, the odds of Stoker's victory were very slim.
NATE HOLLIS: Good call, '9000. Those three men put a lot on the line there, but in the end it looks like Stoker's going to be the one to move ahead in the Paramount Championship tournament. A lot of the members of that division in the back gotta be watching the outcomes so far already scoping out their competition, although you never know how this is all going to play out till we stick a fork in this night and finalize the second round matches for the next show, and from what I hear the booking committee is having a lot of trouble sorting through future bookings, so there's a lot in the air. And now let me tell you we about to decide another second round entry into that Paramount tournament here and now.
Last Massacre was an historic event for "Country Fine" James Radford. He pulled a victory many didn't count on, seemingly including him while Jessie Roberts was forced to pick up the pieces and move on to the next opportunity. And here it is! After taking the pin fall against Radford in Massacre number 1, the Hawkeye Warrior vowed not to repeat that outcome this time around. Throw in the Immaculate One herself, Caroline O'Hara Burchill, and you have a match that is unpredictable! Burchill herself had a rather odd showing last week, coming up short in a match against Ana Hayden might be the understatement of the century. Burchill downright lay SIEGE to Hayden at Massacre 1, culminating in the most vicious match of the night and leaving a lot of unknowns heading into tonight. What sort of Caroline Burchill are we going to be seeing square off against Radford and Roberts? Well, count your blessings kiddies cause we about to see what these three are made of right now!
NATE HOLLIS: A little pre-rumble camaraderie and hijinx for y'all courtesy of the Franchise himself Bobby Franchise and the ongoing presumptive on-again off-again bromance between Benny Stevens and Zack Fantana. All that aside, how about that match between Stoker, Sanders and Zombie?
Nate looks impressed.
HAL 9000: I have watched, and re-watched the footage, Nathan and I'm still unclear why Bradley Stokes believes Izzy Jones would want to be married to him instead of Corey Sanders.
NATE HOLLIS: That's just Brad being Brad. But how about my man Stoker? It takes a lot of effort to put Corey Sanders down let alone the Aoki Zombie himself. Not sure where Stoker comes from per se, but you gotta hand the man a nice round of applause for pulling that one out.
HAL 9000: Mathematically, the odds of Stoker's victory were very slim.
NATE HOLLIS: Good call, '9000. Those three men put a lot on the line there, but in the end it looks like Stoker's going to be the one to move ahead in the Paramount Championship tournament. A lot of the members of that division in the back gotta be watching the outcomes so far already scoping out their competition, although you never know how this is all going to play out till we stick a fork in this night and finalize the second round matches for the next show, and from what I hear the booking committee is having a lot of trouble sorting through future bookings, so there's a lot in the air. And now let me tell you we about to decide another second round entry into that Paramount tournament here and now.
Last Massacre was an historic event for "Country Fine" James Radford. He pulled a victory many didn't count on, seemingly including him while Jessie Roberts was forced to pick up the pieces and move on to the next opportunity. And here it is! After taking the pin fall against Radford in Massacre number 1, the Hawkeye Warrior vowed not to repeat that outcome this time around. Throw in the Immaculate One herself, Caroline O'Hara Burchill, and you have a match that is unpredictable! Burchill herself had a rather odd showing last week, coming up short in a match against Ana Hayden might be the understatement of the century. Burchill downright lay SIEGE to Hayden at Massacre 1, culminating in the most vicious match of the night and leaving a lot of unknowns heading into tonight. What sort of Caroline Burchill are we going to be seeing square off against Radford and Roberts? Well, count your blessings kiddies cause we about to see what these three are made of right now!
1st Round Match for the Paramount Championship
"Country Fine" James Radford VS. Jessie Roberts VS. Caroline O'Hara Burchill
DING! DING!
NINA APPLEBAUM: And we’re under way! James Radford is out of his corner charging like a bull!
Radford misses the lariat attempt on Jessie Roberts who ducks the attempt, spins around and PLANTS Radford with a German suplex! She’s up and ready for Caroline Burchill who’s approach is more measured but still finds herself on the receiving end of a stiff side kick to the jaw that drops Caroline onto her back!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Jessie Roberts unloads right out of the gate. And the cover!
1..
BRAD STOKES: And the love of my life, Caroline Burchill, kicks out as we all knew she would.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Of all the women you’re infatuated with, Burchill’s the longest lasting crush isn’t it, Bradley?
BRAD STOKES: She’s pure evil, and I’m positive we were meant to be together, Nina.
Radford climbs grudgingly to his feet as Bobby Benson encourages him loudly, flailing his arms nonsensically on the outside, almost confusing Radford before feeling the ring jostle with Jessie Roberts movement charging at him, Radford spins into her with a discus punch that takes Roberts off her feet!
NINA APPLEBAUM: At Massacre number 1 James Radford showed up the competition with a victory, but Bradley he’s still a little uncertain in that ring.
BRAD STOKES: Of course he is. A) He’s from the south. Southerners are dumb. And B) he’s been jobbing to superstars half his career, you’re damn right he’s still finding his footing in AWE! Not to mention he SUCKS. “Country Fine”, my ass.
Radford lays the boots down onto Jessie Roberts as Burchill rises to her feet and surprises Radford with a float-over DDT and she quickly goes for the cover!
1…
NINA APPLEBAUM: Kickout after 1!
Radford’s a much bigger man than Caroline and managed to flip her off as Radford rises and shakes his head to clear the cobwebs. Burchill shifts to her feet and watches as Jessie Roberts uses the ropes to climb to her feet.
NINA APPLEBAUM: It’s hard to say if Burchill is anymore focused than she was last Massacre, at least she managed to avoid “unlucky Thirteen” this time around.
BRAD STOKES: So far. That woman’s the walking kiss of death, but I’d still hit it cause I’m generous and I’m incapable of being killed by conventional means.
Burchill meets Jessie Roberts head on, the two exchanging a series of strikes before the more practiced striking of Jessie Roberts wins out rocking Burchill backwards. Roberts is about to follow up but is surprised by a sudden roll-up pin attempt by James Radford!
1…
NINA APPLEBAUM: Quick kickout by Jessie Roberts!
BRAD STOKES: And James Radford better watch himself!
As Radford rises he’s met by a hard soccer kick from Burchill that nearly knocks “Country Fine’s” head right off! Jessie Roberts is on her feet after the failed roll-up and FLATTENS Caroline burchill with a discus clothesline!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Some POWERFUL strikes from the Hawkeye Warrior there. Jessie Roberts has made a point of coming out here and ensuring an entirely different result than her first showing here in the AWE, and so far she’s looking to do just that!
As Roberts readies to mount Burchill she’s swung around by the wrist by James Radford who surprises her with a steady unloading of stiff rights and lefts before FLATTENING Roberts with a sidewalk slam that rocks the canvas!
BRAD STOKES: Almost seems unfair to stick the big cowboy in there against two women who barely weigh the same as he does if you combined them in some sort of genetic combinatory. Although the science deems that relatively impossible at the scale I’m talking about, there’s plenty of folks watching at home who have no idea what I’m talking about!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Thanks for that, Bradley. Good to know you’re along for the ride with such poignant insights.
BRAD STOKES: That’s why I get paid the big bucks.
Burchill is back on her feet and aiming to halt Radford’s momentum but this time she’s met with a sudden and powerful spinebuster before she can lay a kick into Radford!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Radford’s starting to heat up in that ring!
BRAD STOKES: Gee, Nina. How could you tell? Is it because Bobby Benson is convulsing with glee on the outside? I need to have a chat with that guy. Seems like we’d get on.
NINA APPLEBAUM: You could be right. Meanwhile inside the ring, fans, James Radford is in the driver’s seat!
Radford drags Caroline Burchill up to her feet but is surprised by a sudden knee to the midsection and snap DDT that surprises Radford.
NINA APPLEBAUM: That took some effort on the part of Caroline O’Hara Burchill!
BRAD STOKES: Maybe so, but she put the brakes on James Radford for the time being, and I’m sure that’s enough at this moment.
Jessie Roberts is up rather quickly, stunning Burchill as she climbs back to her feet as Roberts unloads a stiff right, then a left in a series before hitting three distinct jabs in a row then a vicious right hook!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Jessie Roberts calls that series “Night Night Honey”!
BRAD STOKES: Seems to have worked as she clobbered Burchill and now goes for the cover!
1…
2…
THR—
James Radford breaks up the pin with a hard elbow drop into Jessie Roberts’ back and heaves her to her feet in one quick motion and then SCOOP SLAMS her right back down with authority!
NINA APPLEBAUM: HERE IT COMES!
BRAD STOKES: Oh good. We get to watch the giant Texan dance again.
IN the ring Radford has swiftly bounced off the ropes and shimmy-shake dances his way to the downed Roberts and aims a knee drop that Roberts last-minute rolls away from leaving Radford momentarily frustrated!
BRAD STOKES: Oh, thank Burchill for that.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Not sure why you’re thanking her. It was Jessie Roberts’ quicking movements that spared her from something that devastating. And I really don’t think James Radford is from Texas.
BRAD STOKES: Oh, I don’t care, Nina. Yeesh.
Radford is stunned as Roberts comes at him with stiff strikes that is quickly backing him into a corner.
NINA APPLEBAUM: The hawkeye warrior is absolutely unloading everything she’s got on James Radford!
Jessie Roberts grips Radford’s wrist and aims him for an irish whip across the ring only to be reversed and thrown with vicious strength right into the opposing turnbuckle where Roberts bounces back stunned only to be greeted with a surprise roll-up from Caroline Burchill!
1…
TW—
NINA APPLEBAUM: James Radford was there to save the day!
BRAD STOKES: There’s something satisfying about watching that dirty cowboy do all the work and my girl Caroline nearly steal it all from him. *cups hands around mouth* THATTA GIRL, CAROLINE!
Burchill rolls to her feet and fires a shot at Radford, but is met with one right back and then WHIPS caroline right into the corner viciously! Radford chases her in and SLAMS a splash that topples Caroline painfully!
NINA APPLEBAUM: The Rebel Yell from James Radford!
BRAD STOKES: DAMMIT, RADFORD! Leave her alone!
Radford drops a jumping knee down on Caroline for good measure before stumbling forward after Jessie Roberts is there to deliver a sharp kick into Radford’s back!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Once again Jessie Roberts is there to impede Radford!
Roberts follows through with a hard-hitting side kick that whips Radford back into the corner. She leaps onto the middle turnbuckle without missing a beat and unloads down onto Radford with stiff punches as the crowd counts along!
1!
2!
3!
4!
5!
Radford blocks one much to Jessie’s surprise and plows forward suddenly DROPPING Roberts on her back with a powerbomb into a pin!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Stunning pin attempt by Radford and Burchill’s not there to break up the count!!!
1…
2…
THR--
BRAD STOKES: ROBERTS KICKS OUT!
Caroline Burchill rolls to her side in pain from the barrage she took previously as Radford glares at Roberts for kicking out of the pin. On the outside Bobby Benson hurls encouragement to his client as Radford comes to a stand as Caroline Burchill is coming to a stand without Radford’s notice!
BRAD STOKES: Here we go! That’s my girl right there!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Radford’s not paying attention!
Burchill charges Radford and slams a knee into his spine doubling him over backwards! She has him locked in an inverted facelock and glares out at the crowd as she struggles to heave Radford upwards in a vertical suplex attempt only to be surprised by a sudden shift of momentum as Radford deftly kicks his legs and inverts the lock into a suplex clutch on Burchill and heaves her vertical as the crowd roars than SLAMS Burchill down with a stunning brain buster!
NINA APPLEBAUM: THE CONFEDERATE RAILROAD!!! AND THE COVER WITH ROBERTS STILL DOWN AND OUT!
1…
2…
3!!!
DING! DING! DING!
BRAD STOKES: I don’t believe it.
“Guitars and Cadillacs” by Dwight Yoakum kicks in as James Radford brings himself to his feet more solidly. The ref lifts his arm in the air as Marshall Douglas takes center ring once more!
MARSHALL DOUGLAS: HERE IS YOUR WINNNNNERRR!! “COUNTRY FINE”… JAMES… RADDDDDFOOOORRRRDDDD!
NINA APPLEBAUM: A far more definitive victory this time around for James Radford.
BRAD STOKES: He damn well cheated.
NINA APPLEBAUM: It was a victory well-earned, Bradley.
BRAD STOKES: You say that every damn time, Nina!
NINA APPLEBAUM: It was! I’m sure James Radford would gladly give those two women props after the match for their efforts! You know, you don't have to be a hard ass over every win you don't like, Bradley.
BRAD STOKES: *loud sigh* Fine. Regardless of how I might feel about the outcome, James Radford pulled out all the stops to one-up his efforts at Massacre 1.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Yessss, and?
BRAD STOKES: *Groan* He earned that win.
NINA APPLEBAUM: He sure did!
Back to Nate Hollis in the AWE studio. Cake's "Short Skirt, Long Jacket" is grooving before the volume lowers as the cameras focus on Nate.
NATE HOLLIS: And that's what I've been talking about right there, '9000. James Radford is moving past the days of being enhancement talent, he's literally enhanced talent nowadays as he sits atop the Paramount rankings and makes his way into the second round, and one step closer to what I can only assume would be his first major title win, presuming he makes it that far.
HAL 9000: Indeed, it was an impressive victory, Nathan. Although I can't help but feel sorry for those competitors in the match who failed to secure a victory.
NATE HOLLIS: Just the way it works, baby. In this business someone's gotta win, and someone's gotta lose, they can't all be ties, know what I'm saying. Sometimes you're on top, sometimes you're not. That's life. Speaking from my own experience, sometimes a loss is all it takes to jump start you back to winning again. Radford there's a prime example of a man who's career is seemingly on the upswing. And just as easily that could all change in later rounds.
HAL 9000: This industry is truly cuthroat, Nathan.
NATE HOLLIS: I'd say it's pretty damn equitable, '9000. Keeping in mind that James Radford's still got a pretty steep hill to climb depending on who he draws in the second round of the Paramount Championship. We've already determined now who three of those individuals will be, none of whom are pushovers, and we're gonna determine the final competitor for round 2 of the Paramount Division Championship tournament after this commercial break!
NATE HOLLIS: And that's what I've been talking about right there, '9000. James Radford is moving past the days of being enhancement talent, he's literally enhanced talent nowadays as he sits atop the Paramount rankings and makes his way into the second round, and one step closer to what I can only assume would be his first major title win, presuming he makes it that far.
HAL 9000: Indeed, it was an impressive victory, Nathan. Although I can't help but feel sorry for those competitors in the match who failed to secure a victory.
NATE HOLLIS: Just the way it works, baby. In this business someone's gotta win, and someone's gotta lose, they can't all be ties, know what I'm saying. Sometimes you're on top, sometimes you're not. That's life. Speaking from my own experience, sometimes a loss is all it takes to jump start you back to winning again. Radford there's a prime example of a man who's career is seemingly on the upswing. And just as easily that could all change in later rounds.
HAL 9000: This industry is truly cuthroat, Nathan.
NATE HOLLIS: I'd say it's pretty damn equitable, '9000. Keeping in mind that James Radford's still got a pretty steep hill to climb depending on who he draws in the second round of the Paramount Championship. We've already determined now who three of those individuals will be, none of whom are pushovers, and we're gonna determine the final competitor for round 2 of the Paramount Division Championship tournament after this commercial break!
SCINTILLATING VOICE OVER ARTIST: From the thoughtful creators of the successful DDP Yoga program that boasts thousands of satisfied customers ranging from professional wrestlers and mixed martial artists...
Comes the partnership you practically begged for, and one you'll think is too good to be true...
After years of anticipation, and clamoring for it to happen... the wait... is finally over
From legendary semi-retired wrestling professional and fitness guru, Diamond Dallas Page...
World-renowned classical music sensation, cellist Yo Yo Ma...
Come together to proudly present the definitive debut musical collaboration of the ages....
After years of anticipation, and clamoring for it to happen... the wait... is finally over
From legendary semi-retired wrestling professional and fitness guru, Diamond Dallas Page...
World-renowned classical music sensation, cellist Yo Yo Ma...
Come together to proudly present the definitive debut musical collaboration of the ages....
SCINTILLATING VOICEOVER ARTIST: The musical collaboration to end all collaborations, DDP and Yo Yo Ma's BANG is a 12 song instant classic with such hits as "Bang", and "Feel the Bang", and "I'm Going to Make you Feel the Bang", and the current number 1 hit single on Easy Listening Charts, "Are you Feeling the Bang Yet Because That's What I Intended on Making You Feel."
Critics are raving about DDP and Yo Yo Ma's Bang.
"BANG is an unparalleled masterwork." - Peter Travers, Rolling Stone
"I don't think I've ever truly felt the Bang until now." - Marty DiBergi, Documentary Filmmaker.
Just listen to a sample of this instant classic!
SCINTILLATING VOICEOVER ARTIST: DDP and Yo Yo Ma's BANG can be ordered online, or found in stores where CDs are sold! Get your copy today!
1st Round Match for the Paramount Championship
Anastasia Hayden VS. Cyrus Riddle
DUNNNNNN!
DUNNNNNNNNN!
DUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
DUNNNNNNNN!!
MOVIE VOICEGUY: This Christmas….
MOVIE VOICEGUY: From the director who brought you Pearl Harbor, Transformers, and Armageddon 1….
SILENCE.
MOVIE VOCIEGUY: Comes the movie event of the season….
DUNNNNNN!
STUNNING REVEAL MUSIC.
DUNNNNNNNNNN!
FLASH THE AWESOME LOGO!
COMING TO THEATERS NEAR YOU!
Royal Rumble for The Resilience Championship
Zack Fantana VS. Amis Shelton VS. Sinister Minister VS. Colgate Carnage VS. Austin Gale VS. Benny Stevens VS. Trinity Jones VS. Dominic Lawson VS. Carmen Cambridge VS. Kimitsu Zombie VS. S.O.B.
Critics are raving about DDP and Yo Yo Ma's Bang.
"BANG is an unparalleled masterwork." - Peter Travers, Rolling Stone
"I don't think I've ever truly felt the Bang until now." - Marty DiBergi, Documentary Filmmaker.
Just listen to a sample of this instant classic!
SCINTILLATING VOICEOVER ARTIST: DDP and Yo Yo Ma's BANG can be ordered online, or found in stores where CDs are sold! Get your copy today!
1st Round Match for the Paramount Championship
Anastasia Hayden VS. Cyrus Riddle
We come in right as Cyrus Riddle staggers and drops to one knee. Ana Hayden hits him under the chin with a step-up enziguri that knocks him flat onto his back!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Thank you for joining us if you’re just tuning in, AWE fans. Cyrus Riddle and Ana Hayden have been gridlocked trading shot for shot, but it looks like the tide may be turning here now!
Ana drops an elbow but Riddle rolls out of the way and Ana connects with Canvas and winces as Cyrus rolls his neck and climbs to a knee.
BRAD STOKES: You’re kidding, right Nina? Cyrus Riddle and Ana Hayden are as opposite as they come and yet more similar than either of them care to realize. If Cyrus came here looking for a fight, he’s found no better a dance partner than Ana Hayden!
Ana draws herself to a stand just as Cyrus charges her and blasts his shoulder right into her jaw and knocks her backward into the ropes. Cyrus takes a quick breather with Ana recovering momentarily on the ropes before once more rushing with a clothesline into Ana Hayden that dumps her over the ropes to the outside! Theo Refano moves in to check on Cyrus who seems to be favoring his eye as though Ana may have facewashed him.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Hard to believe Cyrus Riddle’s career has found its way into the AWE, Bradley.
BRAD STOKES: That’s only if you think small, Nina. I’ve watched this man’s career ebb and flow with the times. This is a strategic thinker who staked out a company and is here to set up shop as the AWE’s Apex predator.
As The ref checks on Cyrus, Ana climbs to her feet on the outside but staggers suddenly as she’s struck in the side with a hard kick.
NINA APPLEBAUM: HEY!
BRAD STOKES: The incomparable Sydney Laroux, Ladies and Gentlemen.
A few wicked elbow to keep Ana stunned and Sydney “encourages” Ana back into the ring just as the ref turns to point at her, but Sydney, of course, is innocent.
BRAD STOKES: No obstruction here, Ref! HAHA!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Definitely not the best situation for Ana Hayden to find herself, she’s going to have to have eyes in the back of her head if she ends up on the outside of that ring!
Ana is stiff as she draws up to a knee, Cyrus methodically drives a knee into the side of her face to keep her stunned before raising her to her feet and drops her down quickly with a DDT!
BRAD STOKES: Cyrus with the cover!
1…
2…
NINA APPLEBAUM: KICKOUT after 2!
BRAD STOKES: Cyrus Riddle’s the type of opponent you have to walk in ready for with nerves of steel. When he’s on his game, which it certainly seems he is, there’s a definite need to face him with a will of iron. I don’t know if Ana was expecting this version Cyrus Riddle to show up!
Cyrus raises Ana back up to her feet only to be blindsided by an Ana Hayden backhand that staggers Cyrus but he rushes her with another shoulder block that topples Hayden back down hard to the canvas, and Cyrus angrily kicks her towards the ropes where Ana once more spills to the outside.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Devious!
BRAD STOKES: You act like he’s doing that on purpose!
Cyrus jaws at the ref about Ana’s “eye gouge” tactics that the Ref claims to not have seen. On the outside he misses as Sydney Laroux stomps a few kicks down hard into Ana Hayden before stepping away innocently just as the ref turns to spy her.
NINA APPLEBAUM: If it weren’t so much like clockwork, Bradley I’d think it were simply bad luck for Ana Hayden, but that was the story last event!
BRAD STOKES: This time around, Ana Hayden’s got her own bit of bad luck in the form of Sydney Laroux and Cyrus Riddle, haha.
Cyrus rolls casually out of the ring and the ref begins the count as Cyrus goes to work stomping down on Ana Hayden on the outside.
1!
BRAD STOKES: A lot of damage for one person to take, even Ana Hayden!
2!
Cyrus fires several brutal kicks down at Ana before drawing her to her feet. His level of comfort nearly undoes him as Ana angrily fires a shot at Cyrus’ midsection then a hard right hook to Cyrus’ jaw that spins him sideways and down!
3!
BRAD STOKES: Damn. Did not see that coming. Ana Hayden’s got some chutzpah left in her!
4!
NINA APPLEBAUM: She’s a fighter, Bradley. I may not agree with her tactics all of the time, or her attitude about this business or her opponents, but this is not the first time Ana’s overcome the odds!
5!
It’s Ana’s turn to lay boots down into the fallen opponent. Furious kicks sent down into Cyrus’ ribs as she glares down Sydney Laroux on the opposite side of the ring. Ana lowers to a knee and fires shot after angry shot into Cyrus Riddle before dragging him to his feet and slamming a stiff European uppercut that drops Cyrus right back down like a sack of bricks!
6!
Ana slides into the ring to break up the count, giving a cheeky glare at Sydney Laroux before dropping down off the apron with a double foot stomp right onto Cyrus Riddle’s chest!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Ana may be small, but like I said, she’s a fighter. If Cyrus Riddle came into the AWE expecting an easy ride back to the top he’s not going to find it here tonight!
BRAD STOKES: Damn straight. Exactly the way it should be. Ana had nothing but disrespect for Cyrus in her promo this week, Nina. And maybe that’s what he deserves coming in here like he owns the place!
1!
The ref starts the count all over again as Ana goes back to work laying severe kicks down into the downed Cyrus Riddle. She keeps up the pace until Cyrus blocks a kick and staggers Ana backwards with a raised kick of his own to push her back!
2!
NINA APPLEBAUM: And, on the other hand, never count out Cyrus Riddle!
3!
Cyrus climbs to his feet and narrowly dodges away from an Ana Hayden charging knee thrust. Cyrus catches Ana from behind and SPIKES her down hard on the concrete with a furious german suplex!
4!
BRAD STOKES: Vicious!
5!
Cyrus has to gather his bearings a moment as Ana squirms near the guardrail after that german suplex. Slowly Cyrus climbs to his feet and up onto the apron to once more break up the ref’s count before dropping back down to contend with Ana who stirs and staggers back to her feet. Cyrus smashes a forearm into Ana’s head then angrily knocks her head off the metal guardrail!
1!
BRAD STOKES: These two aren’t playing around, Nina.
2!
NINA APPLEBAUM: We covered that, Bradley. The words to hype this match were harsh enough, and now it looks like once these two actually stand across from one another there’s even more animosity.
3!
Cyrus gloats before Ana surprises him smashing HIS face off the guardrail, staggering him backwards as she drops to a knee on the outside having trouble maintaining her footing!
4!
Cyrus comes back at Ana only to be stunned once more by a high side thrust kick, and Ana gives him little time to so much as recover before she’s rising back to her feet and laying into him with a flurry of kicks. A roundhouse, a heel kick, a side kick followed by a scissor kick that sends Cyrus flying backwards to the outside.
5!
Ana gives a taunting point through the ring ropes to the other side of the ring at Sydney Laroux before she climbs onto the ring apron once more breaking up the referee’s count.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Ana Hayden is clearly not impressed with earlier interventions by Cyrus’… what would you call her? Escort?
BRAD STOKES: Accomplice.
Ana catches her breath on the ring apron as Sydney Laroux seemingly taunts her right back, threatening her way around the side of the ring toward her as Cyrus climbs to his feet with the help of the guardrail.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Ana is at a distinct disadvantage here no matter how you term it. She’s going to have to play this smart!
Ana is half recovering, half eyeing down Sydney Laroux, half watching as Cyrus recovers enough to come at her on the ring apron! Ana leaps off the apron launching a kick for Cyrus that he sidesteps! Ana lands and Cyrus hooks both her arms and once again drops her on her neck on the outside, this time with a full-nelson suplex!
BRAD STOKES: Punishing! Cyrus Riddle’s not one to be trifled with.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Neither is Ana, but how many of those kinds of moves on the outside can she take?!
Cyrus staggers back to his feet as the Ref has once again began his count.
1!
This time Cyrus grips Ana by the hair and tugs her to a stand, fires a loud backhand to keep her off balance then whips her towards the ring!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Moving back into the ring now.
Cyrus follows Ana, the damage obviously done as he’s much slower than he started this match. Cyrus climbs into the ring and is about to drag Ana back to her feet when she surprises him with a surprise headscissor takedown!
BRAD STOKES: Hard to believe that Ana still has energy left after the match this one’s turned out to be!
Ana manages to get to her feet, albeit groggily and manages to slam another kick into Cyrus’ jaw and delays him from climbing to his feet. Ana drags a stunned Cyrus up to his feet and slams a hard Knee RIGHT up into Cyrus Jaw that leaves him near stunned!
NINA APPLEBAUM: He’ll see entire solar systems after that knee!
The crowd is on its feet as Ana is quick to go for another headscissor only it’s a hurricanrana driver that IGNITES the crowd!!!
BRAD STOKES: I don’t believe it!
NINA APPLEBAUM: “Giving Bad People Good Ideas”! Ana Hayden has just firmly taken control of this match!
Ana lifts herself up to a knee, in obvious pain but buoyed by the string of fiery moves, Ana rises to her feet to look over the downed Cyrus Riddle before Ana glares out the crowd and signals for the end!
BRAD STOKES: Ana Hayden is unstoppable!
With a glare and a grin she charges at the ropes only to find Sydney Laroux’s hand there to hook Ana’s shins and trip her up! Ana falls flat on her face painfully!
NINA APPLEBAUM: AWWWW!
BRAD STOKES: The Ref, as usual, didn’t see it!
Ana favors her jaw as she glares back at Sydney LAroux before climbing to her knee wincing painfully. Across the ring Cyrus has made it slowly to his feet with the help of the ropes and makes it to Ana before she can fully make it to her feet and raises her up and SLAMS her back down with a tiger driver!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Like a seesaw in there!!
Cyrus is still winded and stunned, propped on the ropes to catch his breath as he looks to Syd on the outside before getting his second wind. Ana groggily climbs to her feet! Cyrus on shaky ground manages to set Ana up into a Dominator into a sitdown piledriver!!
BRAD STOKES: WHAAAT?!
A winded Cyrus goes for the pin.
1…
2….
3!!!!
“Alpha and Omega” by King 810 starts up as Sydney Laroux walks up the ring steps and Cyrus Riddle rises to his feet and avoids the rref’s attempt at raising his arm, opting instead to move towards Sydney. Marshall Douglas takes center ring.
MARSHALL DOUGLAS: Here is your winner… CYRUSSS…. RIDDDLLLLEEEE!
NINA APPLEBAUM: It was a war, that was a guarantee. But Cyrus Riddle has managed to overcome and start his AWE Career off right here tonight.
BRAD STOKES: Not the way Ana wanted to move through this tournament you can be sure of that.
NINA APPLEBAUM: There’s bound to be some fallout after a match like that. Whether you love him or hate him, Cyrus Riddle has found a way to win in his first AWE match.
BRAD STOKES: This could be just the beginning, Nina, if that man gets on a roll!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Thank you for joining us if you’re just tuning in, AWE fans. Cyrus Riddle and Ana Hayden have been gridlocked trading shot for shot, but it looks like the tide may be turning here now!
Ana drops an elbow but Riddle rolls out of the way and Ana connects with Canvas and winces as Cyrus rolls his neck and climbs to a knee.
BRAD STOKES: You’re kidding, right Nina? Cyrus Riddle and Ana Hayden are as opposite as they come and yet more similar than either of them care to realize. If Cyrus came here looking for a fight, he’s found no better a dance partner than Ana Hayden!
Ana draws herself to a stand just as Cyrus charges her and blasts his shoulder right into her jaw and knocks her backward into the ropes. Cyrus takes a quick breather with Ana recovering momentarily on the ropes before once more rushing with a clothesline into Ana Hayden that dumps her over the ropes to the outside! Theo Refano moves in to check on Cyrus who seems to be favoring his eye as though Ana may have facewashed him.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Hard to believe Cyrus Riddle’s career has found its way into the AWE, Bradley.
BRAD STOKES: That’s only if you think small, Nina. I’ve watched this man’s career ebb and flow with the times. This is a strategic thinker who staked out a company and is here to set up shop as the AWE’s Apex predator.
As The ref checks on Cyrus, Ana climbs to her feet on the outside but staggers suddenly as she’s struck in the side with a hard kick.
NINA APPLEBAUM: HEY!
BRAD STOKES: The incomparable Sydney Laroux, Ladies and Gentlemen.
A few wicked elbow to keep Ana stunned and Sydney “encourages” Ana back into the ring just as the ref turns to point at her, but Sydney, of course, is innocent.
BRAD STOKES: No obstruction here, Ref! HAHA!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Definitely not the best situation for Ana Hayden to find herself, she’s going to have to have eyes in the back of her head if she ends up on the outside of that ring!
Ana is stiff as she draws up to a knee, Cyrus methodically drives a knee into the side of her face to keep her stunned before raising her to her feet and drops her down quickly with a DDT!
BRAD STOKES: Cyrus with the cover!
1…
2…
NINA APPLEBAUM: KICKOUT after 2!
BRAD STOKES: Cyrus Riddle’s the type of opponent you have to walk in ready for with nerves of steel. When he’s on his game, which it certainly seems he is, there’s a definite need to face him with a will of iron. I don’t know if Ana was expecting this version Cyrus Riddle to show up!
Cyrus raises Ana back up to her feet only to be blindsided by an Ana Hayden backhand that staggers Cyrus but he rushes her with another shoulder block that topples Hayden back down hard to the canvas, and Cyrus angrily kicks her towards the ropes where Ana once more spills to the outside.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Devious!
BRAD STOKES: You act like he’s doing that on purpose!
Cyrus jaws at the ref about Ana’s “eye gouge” tactics that the Ref claims to not have seen. On the outside he misses as Sydney Laroux stomps a few kicks down hard into Ana Hayden before stepping away innocently just as the ref turns to spy her.
NINA APPLEBAUM: If it weren’t so much like clockwork, Bradley I’d think it were simply bad luck for Ana Hayden, but that was the story last event!
BRAD STOKES: This time around, Ana Hayden’s got her own bit of bad luck in the form of Sydney Laroux and Cyrus Riddle, haha.
Cyrus rolls casually out of the ring and the ref begins the count as Cyrus goes to work stomping down on Ana Hayden on the outside.
1!
BRAD STOKES: A lot of damage for one person to take, even Ana Hayden!
2!
Cyrus fires several brutal kicks down at Ana before drawing her to her feet. His level of comfort nearly undoes him as Ana angrily fires a shot at Cyrus’ midsection then a hard right hook to Cyrus’ jaw that spins him sideways and down!
3!
BRAD STOKES: Damn. Did not see that coming. Ana Hayden’s got some chutzpah left in her!
4!
NINA APPLEBAUM: She’s a fighter, Bradley. I may not agree with her tactics all of the time, or her attitude about this business or her opponents, but this is not the first time Ana’s overcome the odds!
5!
It’s Ana’s turn to lay boots down into the fallen opponent. Furious kicks sent down into Cyrus’ ribs as she glares down Sydney Laroux on the opposite side of the ring. Ana lowers to a knee and fires shot after angry shot into Cyrus Riddle before dragging him to his feet and slamming a stiff European uppercut that drops Cyrus right back down like a sack of bricks!
6!
Ana slides into the ring to break up the count, giving a cheeky glare at Sydney Laroux before dropping down off the apron with a double foot stomp right onto Cyrus Riddle’s chest!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Ana may be small, but like I said, she’s a fighter. If Cyrus Riddle came into the AWE expecting an easy ride back to the top he’s not going to find it here tonight!
BRAD STOKES: Damn straight. Exactly the way it should be. Ana had nothing but disrespect for Cyrus in her promo this week, Nina. And maybe that’s what he deserves coming in here like he owns the place!
1!
The ref starts the count all over again as Ana goes back to work laying severe kicks down into the downed Cyrus Riddle. She keeps up the pace until Cyrus blocks a kick and staggers Ana backwards with a raised kick of his own to push her back!
2!
NINA APPLEBAUM: And, on the other hand, never count out Cyrus Riddle!
3!
Cyrus climbs to his feet and narrowly dodges away from an Ana Hayden charging knee thrust. Cyrus catches Ana from behind and SPIKES her down hard on the concrete with a furious german suplex!
4!
BRAD STOKES: Vicious!
5!
Cyrus has to gather his bearings a moment as Ana squirms near the guardrail after that german suplex. Slowly Cyrus climbs to his feet and up onto the apron to once more break up the ref’s count before dropping back down to contend with Ana who stirs and staggers back to her feet. Cyrus smashes a forearm into Ana’s head then angrily knocks her head off the metal guardrail!
1!
BRAD STOKES: These two aren’t playing around, Nina.
2!
NINA APPLEBAUM: We covered that, Bradley. The words to hype this match were harsh enough, and now it looks like once these two actually stand across from one another there’s even more animosity.
3!
Cyrus gloats before Ana surprises him smashing HIS face off the guardrail, staggering him backwards as she drops to a knee on the outside having trouble maintaining her footing!
4!
Cyrus comes back at Ana only to be stunned once more by a high side thrust kick, and Ana gives him little time to so much as recover before she’s rising back to her feet and laying into him with a flurry of kicks. A roundhouse, a heel kick, a side kick followed by a scissor kick that sends Cyrus flying backwards to the outside.
5!
Ana gives a taunting point through the ring ropes to the other side of the ring at Sydney Laroux before she climbs onto the ring apron once more breaking up the referee’s count.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Ana Hayden is clearly not impressed with earlier interventions by Cyrus’… what would you call her? Escort?
BRAD STOKES: Accomplice.
Ana catches her breath on the ring apron as Sydney Laroux seemingly taunts her right back, threatening her way around the side of the ring toward her as Cyrus climbs to his feet with the help of the guardrail.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Ana is at a distinct disadvantage here no matter how you term it. She’s going to have to play this smart!
Ana is half recovering, half eyeing down Sydney Laroux, half watching as Cyrus recovers enough to come at her on the ring apron! Ana leaps off the apron launching a kick for Cyrus that he sidesteps! Ana lands and Cyrus hooks both her arms and once again drops her on her neck on the outside, this time with a full-nelson suplex!
BRAD STOKES: Punishing! Cyrus Riddle’s not one to be trifled with.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Neither is Ana, but how many of those kinds of moves on the outside can she take?!
Cyrus staggers back to his feet as the Ref has once again began his count.
1!
This time Cyrus grips Ana by the hair and tugs her to a stand, fires a loud backhand to keep her off balance then whips her towards the ring!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Moving back into the ring now.
Cyrus follows Ana, the damage obviously done as he’s much slower than he started this match. Cyrus climbs into the ring and is about to drag Ana back to her feet when she surprises him with a surprise headscissor takedown!
BRAD STOKES: Hard to believe that Ana still has energy left after the match this one’s turned out to be!
Ana manages to get to her feet, albeit groggily and manages to slam another kick into Cyrus’ jaw and delays him from climbing to his feet. Ana drags a stunned Cyrus up to his feet and slams a hard Knee RIGHT up into Cyrus Jaw that leaves him near stunned!
NINA APPLEBAUM: He’ll see entire solar systems after that knee!
The crowd is on its feet as Ana is quick to go for another headscissor only it’s a hurricanrana driver that IGNITES the crowd!!!
BRAD STOKES: I don’t believe it!
NINA APPLEBAUM: “Giving Bad People Good Ideas”! Ana Hayden has just firmly taken control of this match!
Ana lifts herself up to a knee, in obvious pain but buoyed by the string of fiery moves, Ana rises to her feet to look over the downed Cyrus Riddle before Ana glares out the crowd and signals for the end!
BRAD STOKES: Ana Hayden is unstoppable!
With a glare and a grin she charges at the ropes only to find Sydney Laroux’s hand there to hook Ana’s shins and trip her up! Ana falls flat on her face painfully!
NINA APPLEBAUM: AWWWW!
BRAD STOKES: The Ref, as usual, didn’t see it!
Ana favors her jaw as she glares back at Sydney LAroux before climbing to her knee wincing painfully. Across the ring Cyrus has made it slowly to his feet with the help of the ropes and makes it to Ana before she can fully make it to her feet and raises her up and SLAMS her back down with a tiger driver!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Like a seesaw in there!!
Cyrus is still winded and stunned, propped on the ropes to catch his breath as he looks to Syd on the outside before getting his second wind. Ana groggily climbs to her feet! Cyrus on shaky ground manages to set Ana up into a Dominator into a sitdown piledriver!!
BRAD STOKES: WHAAAT?!
A winded Cyrus goes for the pin.
1…
2….
3!!!!
DING! DING! DING!
“Alpha and Omega” by King 810 starts up as Sydney Laroux walks up the ring steps and Cyrus Riddle rises to his feet and avoids the rref’s attempt at raising his arm, opting instead to move towards Sydney. Marshall Douglas takes center ring.
MARSHALL DOUGLAS: Here is your winner… CYRUSSS…. RIDDDLLLLEEEE!
NINA APPLEBAUM: It was a war, that was a guarantee. But Cyrus Riddle has managed to overcome and start his AWE Career off right here tonight.
BRAD STOKES: Not the way Ana wanted to move through this tournament you can be sure of that.
NINA APPLEBAUM: There’s bound to be some fallout after a match like that. Whether you love him or hate him, Cyrus Riddle has found a way to win in his first AWE match.
BRAD STOKES: This could be just the beginning, Nina, if that man gets on a roll!
Nirvana's "In Bloom" is kicking as we re-enter the AWE studio and re-focus back on our master of ceremonies, Nate Hollis. The music volume fades.
NATE HOLLIS: And that right there, fight fans is the end of round 1 of AWE's Paramount Championship tournament, now tell me that wasn't a doozy, Hal?
HAL 9000: I thoroughly enjoyed it, Nathan. I can only begin to imagine what round 2 will look like.
NATE HOLLIS: Ahhh, exactly, baby. That's where this will get ever more interesting. We now have 4 competitors left still able to set their sights on the Paramount Championship currently. Let's run down the list. Dom DiBona; Stoker; James Radford; and now Cyrus Riddle. How's that second round gonna look with that kind of firepower gunning for one another, ‘9000?
HAL 9000: Truly I do not know, Nathan. Though I would hazard to guess that bookings may factor in the alignment listed on their bios.
Nate smirks.
NATE HOLLIS: Aahhhhhh. Now my boy’s thinking in a direction the execs may be looking if they can ever figure out how they’re going to overcome the upcoming scheduling disaster. But what about those who fell by the wayside in the first round? The casualties? Ana Hayden sure had a lot to say going into her match with Cyrus Riddle, what kind of blowback are we gonna see from a match outcome that did not go how Ms. Hayden anticipated?
What about Caroline Burchill? Is business between her and Ana Hayden concluded, or are we gonna see round 3 anytime soon? After tonights showing, it’s hard to say where the Immaculate One’s headspace is at. And the Hawkeye Warrior, Jessie Roberts, she walked into tonight promising different results. She didn’t take a pin, but she sure didn’t get the win. How’s that going to affect her moving forward? Aokigahara Zombie and Corey Sanders didn’t fare so well this first round, but is tonight a total wash for them? A lot of questions moving forward, including who the hell was Gabriel Oren DeVille anyway and what happens to him now?
We got a lot of questions still to answer in coming weeks here in the AWE, but we have more pressing matters to attend to.
HAL 9000: The main event, Nathan. The moment we’ve all be waiting for.
Nate grins wide.
NATE HOLLIS: Awwwwww yea, boi. The main event. The Royal Rumble. The cherry on top of an already delicious AWE pie or some shit. We’re going to find out who walks outta this joint, potentially, with the Resilience Championship tonight, folks. After these messages. So stick around, this one’s going to blow the roof off the 2300 Arena.
NATE HOLLIS: And that right there, fight fans is the end of round 1 of AWE's Paramount Championship tournament, now tell me that wasn't a doozy, Hal?
HAL 9000: I thoroughly enjoyed it, Nathan. I can only begin to imagine what round 2 will look like.
NATE HOLLIS: Ahhh, exactly, baby. That's where this will get ever more interesting. We now have 4 competitors left still able to set their sights on the Paramount Championship currently. Let's run down the list. Dom DiBona; Stoker; James Radford; and now Cyrus Riddle. How's that second round gonna look with that kind of firepower gunning for one another, ‘9000?
HAL 9000: Truly I do not know, Nathan. Though I would hazard to guess that bookings may factor in the alignment listed on their bios.
Nate smirks.
NATE HOLLIS: Aahhhhhh. Now my boy’s thinking in a direction the execs may be looking if they can ever figure out how they’re going to overcome the upcoming scheduling disaster. But what about those who fell by the wayside in the first round? The casualties? Ana Hayden sure had a lot to say going into her match with Cyrus Riddle, what kind of blowback are we gonna see from a match outcome that did not go how Ms. Hayden anticipated?
What about Caroline Burchill? Is business between her and Ana Hayden concluded, or are we gonna see round 3 anytime soon? After tonights showing, it’s hard to say where the Immaculate One’s headspace is at. And the Hawkeye Warrior, Jessie Roberts, she walked into tonight promising different results. She didn’t take a pin, but she sure didn’t get the win. How’s that going to affect her moving forward? Aokigahara Zombie and Corey Sanders didn’t fare so well this first round, but is tonight a total wash for them? A lot of questions moving forward, including who the hell was Gabriel Oren DeVille anyway and what happens to him now?
We got a lot of questions still to answer in coming weeks here in the AWE, but we have more pressing matters to attend to.
HAL 9000: The main event, Nathan. The moment we’ve all be waiting for.
Nate grins wide.
NATE HOLLIS: Awwwwww yea, boi. The main event. The Royal Rumble. The cherry on top of an already delicious AWE pie or some shit. We’re going to find out who walks outta this joint, potentially, with the Resilience Championship tonight, folks. After these messages. So stick around, this one’s going to blow the roof off the 2300 Arena.
The opening strains of optimistic strings….
INSPIRING VOICEOVER: We have been brave in the face of adversity.
Hopeful eyes look to the sky shielding their gaze from the sunlight.
INSPIRING VOICEOVER: We have stumbled, but we have not fallen.
A young child points excitedly to the sky as planes fly overhead leaving contrails.
INSPIRING VOICEOVER: We have faced enemies both foreign and domestic, and refused to yield!
Cut to a platoon of soldiers saluting and celebrating a victory.
INSPIRING VOICEOVER: But today….
The man giving the voiceover becomes the face of Sylvestor Stallone’s actor brother Frank Stallone speaking to a battalion of Marines.
FRANK STALLONE’S CHARACTER: Today we face a new threat.
INSPIRING VOICEOVER: We have been brave in the face of adversity.
Hopeful eyes look to the sky shielding their gaze from the sunlight.
INSPIRING VOICEOVER: We have stumbled, but we have not fallen.
A young child points excitedly to the sky as planes fly overhead leaving contrails.
INSPIRING VOICEOVER: We have faced enemies both foreign and domestic, and refused to yield!
Cut to a platoon of soldiers saluting and celebrating a victory.
INSPIRING VOICEOVER: But today….
The man giving the voiceover becomes the face of Sylvestor Stallone’s actor brother Frank Stallone speaking to a battalion of Marines.
FRANK STALLONE’S CHARACTER: Today we face a new threat.
The music hits a dark and ominous note as a large shadow looms over buildings and overcasts the upturned eyes once hopeful now turned fearful.
DUNNNNNN!
It is an asteroid hurtling toward earth! Chunks of it rain down into buildings and cause havoc as people flee in terror in visually stunning slow-motion!
DUNNNNNNNNN!
FRANK STALLONE’S CHARACTER: The asteroid that nearly crashed to earth 15 years ago was not the only threat space has to offer us.
DUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
The battalion, with a closeup of Bruce Willis looking grudgingly up to the sky, looks at their commanding officer fearfully. You can SEE the asteroid in the sky overhead.
DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
FRANK STALLONE’S CHARACTER: We have determined the asteroid’s point of origin.
Eerie silence.
A graphic image of a black hole in deep space!
WHISPERED VOICE: A black hole…
FRANK STALLONE: That’s right, girls. A black hole is attacking us with asteroids. Now we have a plan to take that fucking black hole down and send it crying back to MAMMA! WHO’S WITH ME!?
Raucous cheering! We’re pumped! Bruce Willis romantically kisses Kate Beckinsale.
Eerie silence.
A graphic image of a black hole in deep space!
WHISPERED VOICE: A black hole…
FRANK STALLONE: That’s right, girls. A black hole is attacking us with asteroids. Now we have a plan to take that fucking black hole down and send it crying back to MAMMA! WHO’S WITH ME!?
Raucous cheering! We’re pumped! Bruce Willis romantically kisses Kate Beckinsale.
DUNNNNNNNN!!
MOVIE VOICEGUY: This Christmas….
Inside a high tech science facility Jeff Goldblum explains,
JEFF GOLDBLUM’S CHARACTER: We built a three trillion dollar satellite specifically to launch at the Black Hole.
FRANK STALLONE’S CHARACTER: Ha. That’ll teach that Black Hole to send asteroids to kill us!
More cheering. Awesome scenes of marines loading guns!
BRUCE WILLIS’ CHARACTER: But… won’t the Black Hole just destroy the satellite because it destroys matter?
Many angry eyes look to Bruce Willis’ character. A beat.
FRANK STALLONE’S CHARACTER: Get this guy out of here!
Cut to an image of a pensive Bruce Willis in bed at night with Kate Beckinsale eyeing him.
BRUCE WILLIS: I gotta stop them… they’re wrong… it’s not the black hole….
KATE BECKINSALE: You’re the best darn space miner ever… if they’re wrong, then you can still plant bombs on asteroids for humanity!
BRUCE WILLIS: I’m telling you… the asteroids are coming from somewhere else, I just don’t know where…
Kate Beckinsale reassures him with a kiss!
KATE BECKINSALE: It’ll be okay.
Graphic image of the satellite being launched into space.
JEFF GOLDBLUM’S CHARACTER: We built a three trillion dollar satellite specifically to launch at the Black Hole.
FRANK STALLONE’S CHARACTER: Ha. That’ll teach that Black Hole to send asteroids to kill us!
More cheering. Awesome scenes of marines loading guns!
BRUCE WILLIS’ CHARACTER: But… won’t the Black Hole just destroy the satellite because it destroys matter?
Many angry eyes look to Bruce Willis’ character. A beat.
FRANK STALLONE’S CHARACTER: Get this guy out of here!
Cut to an image of a pensive Bruce Willis in bed at night with Kate Beckinsale eyeing him.
BRUCE WILLIS: I gotta stop them… they’re wrong… it’s not the black hole….
KATE BECKINSALE: You’re the best darn space miner ever… if they’re wrong, then you can still plant bombs on asteroids for humanity!
BRUCE WILLIS: I’m telling you… the asteroids are coming from somewhere else, I just don’t know where…
Kate Beckinsale reassures him with a kiss!
KATE BECKINSALE: It’ll be okay.
5…
4…
3…
2…
1!
BLASTOFF
4…
3…
2…
1!
BLASTOFF
Graphic image of the satellite being launched into space.
MOVIE VOICEGUY: From the director who brought you Pearl Harbor, Transformers, and Armageddon 1….
Cue encouraging, hopeful, SOARING music!
In the command headquarters many sit at desks observing telemetry and the distance the satellite is travelling. All eyes watch…
In space… the satellite nears the black hole then disappears inside!
In space… the satellite nears the black hole then disappears inside!
SILENCE.
In the command headquarters all of their equipment goes dead.
FRANK STALLONE: What’s going on?!
SATELLITE TECH GUY: I don’t know sir! It’s like the Black Hole destroyed the Satellite!
JEFF GOLDBLUM: That’s right! Damn! Forgot! Because Black Hole’s destroy everything.
FRANK STALLONE: What’s going on?!
SATELLITE TECH GUY: I don’t know sir! It’s like the Black Hole destroyed the Satellite!
JEFF GOLDBLUM: That’s right! Damn! Forgot! Because Black Hole’s destroy everything.
MOVIE VOCIEGUY: Comes the movie event of the season….
DUNNNNNN!
Frank Stallone glares at Jeff Goldblum.
FRANK STALLONE: Are you telling me we just spent a trillion dollars of tax-payer money on a satellite we launched into a black hole to be destroyed?
JEFF GOLDBLUM: It seemed like a foolproof plan, sir.
FRANK STALLONE: It’s true. Why spend all that money if we’re not going to use the satellite, right?
Frank Stallone and Jeff Goldblum grieve the failed mission a moment.
The equipment magically blinks back on! Heads raise from sadness.
FRANK STALLONE: What’s going on?!
SATELLITE TECH GUY: It’s the satellite, sir…. It’s sending back data from the Black Hole.
Everyone’s back to work amazed! Jeff Goldblum looks scientific….
JEFF GOLDBLUM: What’s it saying?
Satellite Tech Guy interprets the date with a concerned look on its face.
SATELLITE TECH GUY: Sir…. It’s saying it wasn’t the Black Hole launching all those asteroids at us, sir….
FRANK STALLONE: *irritated* Well then who was it?!
FRANK STALLONE: Are you telling me we just spent a trillion dollars of tax-payer money on a satellite we launched into a black hole to be destroyed?
JEFF GOLDBLUM: It seemed like a foolproof plan, sir.
FRANK STALLONE: It’s true. Why spend all that money if we’re not going to use the satellite, right?
Frank Stallone and Jeff Goldblum grieve the failed mission a moment.
The equipment magically blinks back on! Heads raise from sadness.
FRANK STALLONE: What’s going on?!
SATELLITE TECH GUY: It’s the satellite, sir…. It’s sending back data from the Black Hole.
Everyone’s back to work amazed! Jeff Goldblum looks scientific….
JEFF GOLDBLUM: What’s it saying?
Satellite Tech Guy interprets the date with a concerned look on its face.
SATELLITE TECH GUY: Sir…. It’s saying it wasn’t the Black Hole launching all those asteroids at us, sir….
FRANK STALLONE: *irritated* Well then who was it?!
STUNNING REVEAL MUSIC.
SATELLITE TECH GUY: It was the Japanese…
Everyone shocked at the realization.
Sneak attack planes fly overhead! Dogfights! Awesome footage of bullets tearing into metal! The music is exhilarating and terrifying as all kinds of explosions and shit are happening. An Asteroid hurtles toward the White House! CGI gundam emerge from the water and transform into cars onto land and start firing missiles at soldiers! Huge awesome explosions! CGI. AWESOME! A giant Godzilla destroys buildings with an iconic roar! More Explosions. Bruce Willis kisses Kate Beckinsale amid fiery wreckage somewhere. MORE EXPLOSIONS!!
Everyone shocked at the realization.
MOVIE VOICE GUY: It’s the movie event of the season that combines all the parts of the other movies that you loved so much into one movie you’re sure to love!
Sneak attack planes fly overhead! Dogfights! Awesome footage of bullets tearing into metal! The music is exhilarating and terrifying as all kinds of explosions and shit are happening. An Asteroid hurtles toward the White House! CGI gundam emerge from the water and transform into cars onto land and start firing missiles at soldiers! Huge awesome explosions! CGI. AWESOME! A giant Godzilla destroys buildings with an iconic roar! More Explosions. Bruce Willis kisses Kate Beckinsale amid fiery wreckage somewhere. MORE EXPLOSIONS!!
DUNNNNNNNNNN!
FLASH THE AWESOME LOGO!
COMING TO THEATERS NEAR YOU!
Along walks Francis Ford Cuppola.
Just before the gorilla position stands the entire group of Resilience Division competitors scheduled to compete tonight with Thirteen and Kassandrah waiting nearby standing against the wall. They all watch as Francis Ford Cuppola approaches in lockstep with his entourage behind him. Mimes, Rodney P, and Mister Mississagi.
THIRTEEN: Francis—
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: ut, ut. I’ll handle this.
All business, Francis turns to look each of them in the eye.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Let’s get right down to it. The Resilience Championship is still missing, and I think one of you took it.
A mild stir amongst the upcoming combatants.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Shhhhhh-Shh! Not a word.
With a suspicious gaze, Francis begins to pace calmly in front of the assembled group, eyeing each of them personally.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Someone here took that belt. Maybe for personal gain. Maybe for a joke. I don’t care. Let me tell you I am in charge here for the time being and this investigation will only intensify until we recover that belt so long as the COO of this company has randomized freakish accidents on account of contact with our very own Thirteen, take a bow ‘teen.
Francis softens, motioning to an uncomfortably shy Thirteen who hides her face. Francis resumes his level of seriousness.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Yes. All of you are a suspect. And before we get to this Royal Rumble match, we’re going to finally unveil the TRUE culprit of the great Resilience Championship theft of 2016. YOU--
Francis stops suddenly and points at one of the wrestlers.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Where were you the night the Resilience Title went missing?
…: Uh. Wrestling, remember? That’s supposed to be my belt.
It is Zack Fantana. Francis blinks upon recognizing him.
ZACK FANTANA: So… yeah, am I a suspect because if I’m not I’d kind of like to have the belt that goes with this case.
He holds up the Attache case. Francis did not see that coming.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Dammit. Sorry about that, champ. Didn’t mean you. Mississagi.
He motions to the tall man behind him who gives Zack a jug of syrup. Zack is confused by it as Francis continues down the line.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Ah, you all think you’re very clever, I’m sure. One by one I will eliminate you from my own personal investigatory Royal Rumble until—YOU!
Francis points suddenly at Colgate Carnage who looks surprised to have even been picked.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: I hear you like barging into the AWE office space unannounced, huh tough guy? Like you can just TAKE whatever you want.
Francis intimidates unsuccessfully at Colgate, getting right into his face.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Well, dick puncher? What do you have to say for yourself?
Before Colgate can respond, Rodney P speaks up.
RODNEY P: Actually, Francis, it was the wrong building.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Seriously?
Concerned, Francis looks to Rodney then sympathetically to Colgate.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Damn. Sorry about that, big guy. Have some syrup. For the trouble.
Mississagi gives Colgate a jug of syrup as Francis paces again looking far more confused before looking flabbergasted to Thirteen and Kassandrah.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: This is a really tough case, guys.
He looks apologetically to the assembled group of wrestlers.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: I am serious. This is hard work. I don’t know if we’ll ever find that belt.
Francis snaps his finger and Mississagi hurries in and gives him a jug of syrup. Francis unscrews the cap and takes a swig and wipes his brow.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: So, seriously, none of you took it?
A lot of shaking heads greets him as Francis is bewildered.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Well, I don’t know what to do.
Thirteen Steps forward.
THIRTEEN: Look, don’t worry about the belt. Zack, just because you don’t have the physical belt doesn’t mean you aren’t the champion currently, on paper.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: That’s right. Zack’s the paper champion.
Thirteen winces and shakes her head.
THIRTEEN: Uh, no, Francis. You don’t say that around wrestlers.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Right. Wrestlers hate paper.
Thirteen rolls her eyes.
THIRTEEN: We’ll find the belt. That it’s missing changes nothing about what you’re fighting for. It’s a symbol more than anything.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Right! Like a stop sign, or the Queen of England!
Thirteen glares at Francis.
THIRTEEN: Anyway… don’t let any of this distract you from the job each of you does so well out there, okay? You're all integral pieces of this roster, without you there would be no Resilience Division. We apologize for the current state of confusion, and thank you for your patience as we sort this out.
It’s not much of a pep talk, but the wrestlers seem satisfied as Thirteen moves off to lecture Francis.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: *singing to himself * You gotta do great,
so you're gonna do great!
And when you gotta do great
you're gonna gonna do GREAT!
so you're gonna do great!
And when you gotta do great
you're gonna gonna do GREAT!
Just before the gorilla position stands the entire group of Resilience Division competitors scheduled to compete tonight with Thirteen and Kassandrah waiting nearby standing against the wall. They all watch as Francis Ford Cuppola approaches in lockstep with his entourage behind him. Mimes, Rodney P, and Mister Mississagi.
THIRTEEN: Francis—
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: ut, ut. I’ll handle this.
All business, Francis turns to look each of them in the eye.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Let’s get right down to it. The Resilience Championship is still missing, and I think one of you took it.
A mild stir amongst the upcoming combatants.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Shhhhhh-Shh! Not a word.
With a suspicious gaze, Francis begins to pace calmly in front of the assembled group, eyeing each of them personally.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Someone here took that belt. Maybe for personal gain. Maybe for a joke. I don’t care. Let me tell you I am in charge here for the time being and this investigation will only intensify until we recover that belt so long as the COO of this company has randomized freakish accidents on account of contact with our very own Thirteen, take a bow ‘teen.
Francis softens, motioning to an uncomfortably shy Thirteen who hides her face. Francis resumes his level of seriousness.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Yes. All of you are a suspect. And before we get to this Royal Rumble match, we’re going to finally unveil the TRUE culprit of the great Resilience Championship theft of 2016. YOU--
Francis stops suddenly and points at one of the wrestlers.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Where were you the night the Resilience Title went missing?
…: Uh. Wrestling, remember? That’s supposed to be my belt.
It is Zack Fantana. Francis blinks upon recognizing him.
ZACK FANTANA: So… yeah, am I a suspect because if I’m not I’d kind of like to have the belt that goes with this case.
He holds up the Attache case. Francis did not see that coming.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Dammit. Sorry about that, champ. Didn’t mean you. Mississagi.
He motions to the tall man behind him who gives Zack a jug of syrup. Zack is confused by it as Francis continues down the line.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Ah, you all think you’re very clever, I’m sure. One by one I will eliminate you from my own personal investigatory Royal Rumble until—YOU!
Francis points suddenly at Colgate Carnage who looks surprised to have even been picked.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: I hear you like barging into the AWE office space unannounced, huh tough guy? Like you can just TAKE whatever you want.
Francis intimidates unsuccessfully at Colgate, getting right into his face.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Well, dick puncher? What do you have to say for yourself?
Before Colgate can respond, Rodney P speaks up.
RODNEY P: Actually, Francis, it was the wrong building.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Seriously?
Concerned, Francis looks to Rodney then sympathetically to Colgate.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Damn. Sorry about that, big guy. Have some syrup. For the trouble.
Mississagi gives Colgate a jug of syrup as Francis paces again looking far more confused before looking flabbergasted to Thirteen and Kassandrah.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: This is a really tough case, guys.
He looks apologetically to the assembled group of wrestlers.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: I am serious. This is hard work. I don’t know if we’ll ever find that belt.
Francis snaps his finger and Mississagi hurries in and gives him a jug of syrup. Francis unscrews the cap and takes a swig and wipes his brow.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: So, seriously, none of you took it?
A lot of shaking heads greets him as Francis is bewildered.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Well, I don’t know what to do.
Thirteen Steps forward.
THIRTEEN: Look, don’t worry about the belt. Zack, just because you don’t have the physical belt doesn’t mean you aren’t the champion currently, on paper.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: That’s right. Zack’s the paper champion.
Thirteen winces and shakes her head.
THIRTEEN: Uh, no, Francis. You don’t say that around wrestlers.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Right. Wrestlers hate paper.
Thirteen rolls her eyes.
THIRTEEN: We’ll find the belt. That it’s missing changes nothing about what you’re fighting for. It’s a symbol more than anything.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Right! Like a stop sign, or the Queen of England!
Thirteen glares at Francis.
THIRTEEN: Anyway… don’t let any of this distract you from the job each of you does so well out there, okay? You're all integral pieces of this roster, without you there would be no Resilience Division. We apologize for the current state of confusion, and thank you for your patience as we sort this out.
It’s not much of a pep talk, but the wrestlers seem satisfied as Thirteen moves off to lecture Francis.
Royal Rumble for The Resilience Championship
Zack Fantana VS. Amis Shelton VS. Sinister Minister VS. Colgate Carnage VS. Austin Gale VS. Benny Stevens VS. Trinity Jones VS. Dominic Lawson VS. Carmen Cambridge VS. Kimitsu Zombie VS. S.O.B.
BRAD STOKES: I gotta ask something , Nina, you know before everything kicks off here.
NINA APPLEBAUM: What’s up?
BRAD STOKES: Why did Zack Fantana come down to the ring with a jug of syrup?
NINA APPLEBAUM: I honestly don’t know, Bradley. Must have something to do with Thanksgiving though!
BRAD STOKES: Sweeeeeeet! He better have brought along enough to share!
Inside the ring stands Carmen Cambridge and Zack Fantana, Marshall Douglas between them.
BRAD STOKES: Carmen Cambridge of course the number 1 contender for the Resilience Championship. There as per special request.
NINA APPLEBAUM: She earned that space as much as anyone, Bradley.
MARSHALL DOUGLAS: Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to our MAIN EVENT of the evening. A Royal Rumble Match for the Resilience Championship….. are you ready to RUMBBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLE!?
The crowd roars.
BRAD STOKES: That’s an inventive way of asking that question.
Marshall Douglas slides from the ring just in time as Carmen Cambridge and Zack Fantana tie-up in center ring!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Again, fans, the rules of a Royal Rumble are two individuals begin the match, and then at timed intervals another competitor will enter! Eliminations may only occur after a wrestler is thrown over the top rope and both feet touch the outside.
It’s a visceral lock up in the ring as Zack uses his height and weight advantage to bear down on Carmen and force her towards the ropes. Carmen quickly shifts momentum however and Zack finds himself against the ropes instead! Carmen is suddenly laying kicks into Zack while he’s against the ropes! Kick after kick has Zack manage to block one and elbow Carmen backwards then Zack charges leaps Carmen and hits a sunset flip powerbomb!
BRAD STOKES: Kinda weird to see these two going at it like this.
NINA APPLEBAUM: They won’t be alone long, I’m sure.
Carmen is fast to her feet as Zack follows her, and corners her only to be surprised as Carmen alley oops over Zack and traps him in the corner and quickly lays sound kicks into Zack that keeps him pinned in the corner.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Carmen Cambridge is absolutely unloading on Zack Fantana!
BRAD STOKES: Fantana is the unequivocal bullseye in this match. Everyone is gunning for him. There’s no way he’s coming out of here with anything but that jug of syrup he brought down to the ring!
Zack is quick out of the corner swinging a lariat for Carmen but she ducks it, hooks Zack’s arms and slams him down hard on his shoulders with a double underhook suplex!
NINA APPLEBAUM: New entrant coming.
BRAD STOKES: Who will it be?! Place your bets folks.
Some “Eerie Church Bell Shit” plays over the speaker.
BRAD STOKES: Loving this music.
Sinister Minister makes his way down to the ring with a glare at the two combatants slugging it out in the ring.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Oooooooo the Sinister Minister!!!
BRAD STOKES: A fan, I take it?
NINA APPLEBAUM: How could you not be?
The Minister joins Cambridge and Fantana in the ring. Carmen aims a superkick at the Minister that slams into his chest but the Minister powers through the kick angrily and clotheslines Carmen down to the canvas!
Fantana is up and tries something similar but finds himself bulldogged down to the canvas!
BRAD STOKES: And the Sinister Minister has arrived! Condolences to Carmen and Zack.
The Minister grips Fantana by the back of the head and drags him to his feet and irish whips him at the corner with some thrust and power behind it. Zack expertly rolls up and over the turnbuckle and lands skillfully on the apron! Sinister Minister rushes him angrily and Zack ducks and the Minister nearly goes over the ropes! He manages to grab them and drops onto the apron beside Zack who begins slamming the sole of his foot down hard on the Minister.
Carmen Cambridge is at her feet and rushes Zack as well but Zack shoulder butts through the ropes into Carmen’s midsection to back her up and Zack hops onto the ropes and dropkicks Carmen! Sinister Minister rolls under the ropes back into the ring!
BRAD STOKES: Got another one coming! If it’s not Dom Lawson I’m going to be disappointed.
NINA APPLEBAUM: I thought you hated Dom Lawson?
BRAD STOKES: I do hate Dom Lawson. I want to watch him suffer in there.
Inside the ring Carmen is back on her feet and has given a strong cutter to the Minister and managed to sidekick Fantana into next week!
“I Got a Boy” by Girls Generation kicks in and Trinity Jones strides out to a pop from the fans as she rushes down to the ring.
NINA APPLEBAUM: And Trinity Jones is in the building.
Trinity slides in and immediately slams Carmen down with a swinging neckbreaker! As she rises to her feet Zack Fantana is there to drop her with a sudden codebreaker that leaves her wincing in pain. Sinister Minister surprises Fantana with a sudden irish whip back into the corner and chases Fantana in with a splash!
BRAD STOKES: 4 people inside the ring and we’re already experiencing chaos! Isn’t it grand, Nina?
Carmen is back to her feet and moves over to suddenly help Sinister Minister attempt to push Fantana over the turnbuckle!
NINA APPLEBAUM: We could have an elimination here!
The Minister aims hard elbows down into Zack’s body as he struggles and squirms to keep gripping the ropes as Minister and Carmen struggle to upend him over the ropes! Fantana manages an elbow into Carmen’s face that backs her off, then a kick at the Minster that backs him off as well. Fantana climbs to the top and soars down at them with a double arm clothesline!
BRAD STOKES: Someone else coming down the pike!
“Straight Outta Compton” by N.W.A. blasts and the fans watch S.O.B. storm out looking determined and angry.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Oh, here we go.
BRAD STOKES: This guy tells it like it is, Nina. And he has guaranteed me Zack Fantana’s head on a stick tonight. SO DON’T FUCK IT UP!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Bradley!
BRAD STOKES: I like the blacks, Nina. I’m the least racist person in this building. S.O.B. and I are brothers.
S.O.B. takes off running for the ring! In the ring Carmen and Sinister Minister find themselves at odds with one another, as Sinister Minister attempts to overpower Carmen but finds himself kicked hard by a step-up enziguri! Meanwhile Trinity Jones as floored Fantana with a stiff kick that knocks him flat on his back. S,O.B. charges in opportunistically and absolutely soccer kick PUNTS Zack under the ropes to the outside!
BRAD STOKES: S.O.B. just kicked Zack Fantana out of the ring!!!! FANTANA’S BEEN ELIMINATED! HE SAID HE WOULD DO IT! AND HE DID IT! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA TAKE THAT, CHAMP!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Bradley… Zack didn’t go over the ropes!
In the ring, as if paused a moment everyone is watching Zack get helped back into the ring. S.O.B. looks furious and takes it out promptly on Trinity Jones with a harsh lariat! Back to work, Carmen has Sinister Minister in the corner and is kicking him furiously in the sides!
NINA APPLEBAUM: We DON’T have our first elimination, folks. S.O.B. came in and unleashed a hard kick that sent Zack Fantana clear out of the ring into the guard rail, but he did NOT go over the ropes ladies and gentlemen.
BRAD STOKES: Damn. I just made a fool of myself after that. Guess I should pay closer attention.
BRAD STOKES: While Zack gets back in the ring, we have someone else coming down to join the party!
“Frostbite” by Parkway Drive kicks in and Austin Gale storms out from the back with determination toward the ring.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Austin Gale is our 6th entrant into the Royal Rumble!
Zack is in the ring and knees S.O.B. hard in the face to topple him off Trinity Jones. Carmen Cambridge has Sinister Minister weakened and clinging for dear life as she pushes him up onto the turnbuckle!
BRAD STOKES: We could have our first REAL elimination here!
Trinity Jones is on her feet just as Austin Gale arrives and heads right for S.O.B. and Zack Fantana, instead he’s greeted by a jumping knee from Trinity that knocks Austin backwards into the ropes and Trinity looks to capitalize, hooking his head and his leg and trying to force him back over the ropes!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Trinity Jones could eliminate Austin Gale just as he entered!
Austin elbows Trinity off him and sends a set of kicks into her chest that knocks her backward then charges her and FLATTENS her to the canvas with a spinebuster! As he stands he gets run over by a charging S.O.B. shoulder block that knocks him into the corner! S.O.B. runs his shoulder repeatedly into Austin to keep him plastered there! Meanwhile Carmen is literally powering Sinister Minister over the top turnbuckle to the outside even as the Minister is raining down hard fists onto her. Carmen fights through the onslaught and is soon joined by Trinity Jones who starts to help!
Zack inverts a headlock and drops S.O.B. into a backbreaker that lays him out only to get a surprise thrust kick in the face by Austin Gale!
Sinister Minister drops an elbow into Carmen’s back that drops her to a knee and gives the Minister room to smash a forearm into Trinity and gives him room to climb back into the ring!
NINA APPLEBAUM: We have Dom Lawson, Benny Stevens, Kimitsu Zombie, Amis Shelton and Colgate Carnage still left to enter the ring! Who will it be?!
“Sayanora, Perfect World” by Midori kicks in and Kimitsu Zombie bolts out from the back toward the ring!
BRAD STOKES: Kimitsu Zombie enters the fray! This should be good for all those fans of standing back and letting others do your dirty work for you.
NINA APPLEBAUM: There’s plenty of action in that ring, Bradley. If Kimitsu wants to play a strategy that works, I say let her.
BRAD STOKES: Boooooooring.
Zack Fantana tornado DDTs Sinister Minister. Carmen Cambridge absolutely squashes Trinity Jones with a belly to belly suplex! Austin Gale stomps a mudhole into S.O.B and Kimitsu navigates through the pairings before being inexplicably attacked by an errantly charging Sinister Minister!
BRAD STOKES: I hear Kimi’s got something going on with American Tommy, Nina. That true?
NINA APPLEBAUM: I’m not sure about that but Sinister Minister looks to try to eliminate Kimi right here and now!
Sinister Minister has scooped up Kimitsu and brought her to the ropes just as Fantana charges in and hits a side kick into Sinister Minister’s back that stumbles him forward sending Kimitsu dropping over the ropes onto the apron!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Almost another elimination there!
Carmen Cambridge has Trinity Jones up and near the ropes and unleashes a furious superkick into Trinity’s chin that sends her up and over the ropes and DOWN onto the outside!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Our first elimination of the night!
Carmen instantly goes to work on Zack Fantana at the same time as he is booting Sinister Minster hard and fast to try to push him over the ropes!
“Slow Ride” by Foghat kicks in and Colgate Carnage comes out holding a jug of Maple Syrup which he gives to a lucky fan in the audience before charging down to the ring!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Colgate Carnage is here everybody!
BRAD STOKES: HAAAAA! That bastards name is Colgate?!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Yes—
BRAD STOKES: THAT’S HILARIOUS! Motherfucker’s name is TOOTHPASTE. Do you think he knows that?!
NINA APPLEBAUM: I’m sure he’s heard--
BRAD STOKES: I consider it my civic duty to tell him after the show in case no one else has.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Suit yourself.
S.O.B. has angrily whipped Austin Gale across the ring and slammed him right Zack Fantana knocking them both over rather horrifically. Sinister Minister has Carmen Cambridge up in a gorilla press and sent her flying right at S.O.B that knocks him sideways just as Colgate enters the ring and bee lines right for Sinister Minister who greets him with a stiff uppercut that staggers Colgate backwards inadvertently knocking into Kimitsu.
NINA APPLEBAUM: They’re knocking each other into one another in there!
BRAD STOKES: It’s crazy. It’s chaotic. But if the name of the game is to wind your opponents down, that’s the way to do it!
Carmen staggers to her feet, Zack also, both look winded near the ropes as Sinister Minister charges Carmen from behind. Carmen sees it last second and ducks and Sinister Minister goes up and over the ropes but lands on the apron!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Close—
Zack side kicks the Minister hard that sends him toppling off the apron to the outside!!
BRAD STOKES: Not so close! Sinister Minister has been eliminated!
Carmen knees Zack and tries to drive him backwards into the ropes but finds stiff resistance and the two are suddenly trading blows near the ropes!
NINA APPLEBAUM: There’s little time to rest on your laurels in a match like this!
Colgate Carnage has S.O.B. up and slams him down with a sidewalk slam! Austin Gale, meanwhile has taken to furiously elbow Kimitsu Zombie into the corner and trying to push her over the top!
“Dream Eater” by Separations kicks in on the speakers as Amis Shelton comes out from the back and strides confidently down to the ring. Inside the ring Colgate stomps into S.O.B before her catches a kick and upends Colgate to the canvas and follows it up with some hard and furious mounted punches! Austin is furiously trying to dump Kimitsu over the top but she is proving a more difficult individual than he had hopes! Amis enters and immediately rushes Zack Fantana dropping him like a sack of bricks with an unexpected vertical suplex! And Amis is pumped as Carmen rushes him only for him to duck her and SLAM Carmen down with a death valley driver that ignites the crowd!
BRAD STOKES: And Amis F’N SHELTON has arrived in the AWE, fans!!
NINA APPLEBAUM: He’s on fire!
No sooner has he dumped those two is he met with a sudden atomic drop by S.O.B. into a bulldog that plants Amis Shelton where he stands! Colgate Carnage is immediately charging Austin Gale and SLAMS him to the ring with a dragon suplex that spares Kimitsu Zombie any further difficulties for the time being as Colgate goes to work with some mounted punches into Austin Gale!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Two have been eliminated, and two left to enter. Let’s see who it will be next!
“I Fought the Law” by the Clash blasts and Dom Lawson strides out and moves down to the ring with purpose! Inside the ring Carmen is slow to her feet and finds herself being inexplicably booted in the back by Kimitsu Zombie into the ropes where she must suddenly cling for dear life to the ropes as Kimitsu almost has her over!
NINA APPLEBAUM: And Dom Lawson enters and goes right at Colgate Carnage with a stuff shot that sends him reeling towards the ropes! I think it’s safe to say strategy is an afterthought in this type of match.
BRAD STOKES: It’s about who you can eliminate, and not being eliminated yourself. That’s it. Period. End of story.
S.O.B and Amis Shelton trade blows as Zack Fantana weakly gets to his feet and interrupts them both with a sudden double DDT that erupts the crowd!
NINA APPLEBAUM: It’s amazing Fantana’s still going at this rate!
Before Kimitsu can eliminate Carmen, Carmen manages to turn the tables and scissors Kimitsu over the ropes where Zombie finds herself now clinging to the ropes tightly instead!
BRAD STOKES: That Carmen is so crafty! She could eliminate Kimitsu right there and now!
BRAD STOKES: There’s only one person this can be!
“Sex Type Thing” Blasts onto the speakers and Benny energetically bounds out from the back and charges the ring!
NINA APPLEBAUM: And the gang’s all here!
Benny slips into the ring and rams right into Carmen Cambridge before she completely eliminates Kimitsu! Dom Lawson and Colgate Carnage are shifting gears on one another as they exchange blows!
Austin Gale charges S.O.B. who’s about to unload on a fallen Amis Shelton and knocks S.O.B hard with bulldog!
BRAD STOKES: Hard to say who’s the favorite at this point. All of them look poised to win at any second!
Benny Stevens is like a firecracker, he’s knocked Carmen Cambridge over the ropes onto the apron and went right to work blasting Kimitsu into the corner then charges Dom Lawson with a pump-handle slam!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Hard to say what Benny Stevens is doing in there, I thought he was going to hang back…
BRAD STOKES: I think Benny is like the wind, Nina. He’s unpredictable, and I prefer to keep it that way!
Amis Shelton has gone to work blasting away at the champ who is fighting to get to his feet. Kimitsu Zombie even helps stomping away at Fantana who is seemingly stuck on one knee. Over near the ropes Austin Gale and S.O.B. are struggling to tip the other over the ropes when Colgate Carnage lunges for them with a double-arm clothesline with way too much force behind it that topples all of them over the top rope to the outside!
BRAD STOKES: Good God Colgate Carnage eliminated them all! Including himself!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Unexpected, not sure he meant to do that!
BRAD STOKES: Of course he didn’t! But there goes three of them! And they’re STILL fighting on the outside!
Meanwhle Dom Lawson is furiously stomping away at Carmen Cambridge in the corner, aiming to boost her up but Carmen elbows back at Lawson and manages to evade the ropes, bowling him over with a straight-arm clothesline. As she rises though she’s on the wrong end of a Benny Stevens Pele kick that knocks her into the ropes!
Dom Lawson rises and belts Carmen with a vicious backhand that flips her up over the ropes but she hangs on and lands on the ring apron!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Another close call for Carmen--
Amis Shelton has Fantana up and launches him towards the ropes, where Carmen is and Fantana knocks the ropes and sends Carmen plummeting to the outside!
NINA APPLEBAUM: NO! Carmen Cambridge was eliminated!!
BRAD STOKES: I don’t think that was the intention! Wrong place wrong time there!
Zack returns and slams Amis down with a surprise overcastle! Carmen is angry on the outside watching as Dom Lawson finds himself on the awkward receiving end of Kimitsu Zombie opportunistically taking advantage of his positioning and dumping him over the top rope where he spills to the outside!
BRAD STOKES: And there goes Dom Lawson! Serves him right for looking at me funny!
Benny is right there to belt Kimitsu with a knife edge chop that staggers her to the ropes and Benny charges knocking into her to try to tip her over the ropes but Kimitsu hangs on!
NINA APPLEBAUM: We’re down to the final four! Kimitsu, Amis, Zack and Benny!
Zack is exhausted as he drags Amis up to his feet only to get blindsided by Benny Stevens who slams Zack down with a back body drop!
BRAD STOKES: Those two are like… Eskimo brothers, aren’t they?
NINA APPLEBAUM: How can you even follow it anymore?!
Amis is on his feet staggering in time to see Kimitsu charging him and flattening him down with a straight-arm clothesline she follows through with severe mounted punches!
BRAD STOKES: Who you got to win, Nina? My money’s on the Amish guy.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Uhhhhh, excuse me? You mean Amis Shelton?
BRAD STOKES: Nobody just names their kid Amis without implying something, know what I’m saying? Like Benny. Who the FUCK names their kid Benny and doesn’t expect that kid to grow up developmentally delayed?
Benny rises off Zack who is rolling onto his stomach in obvious pain and exhaustion. Benny charges Kimitsu who doesn’t see him coming and slams his knee into Zombie’s face that topples her right off Amis. He drops an elbow and rises as Amis is collecting his feet under him and jams his shoulder into Benny’s spine driving him right into the ropes! Amis grips Benny’s legs and helps upend him over the ropes! Benny spills to the outside!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Amis Shelton has eliminated Benny Stevens!!
BRAD STOKES: That’ll go over well later, I bet.
Kimitsu is on her feet and taking advantage of Amis Shelton’s recovery time by belting him with hard chops that back him into the corner and she swiftly goes to work trying to force him over the corner!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Three of them in there now, and we can be about to drop down to two if Kimitsu Zombie gets her way here!
Zack is dragging himself to his feet wobbly, groggy and in obvious pain as he stumbles at Kimitsu and Amis who is fight back against Kimi trying to eliminate him! Zack comes out of nowhere with a hard elbow into the side of Kimitsu’s head that knocks her sideways, and Zack is right there to furiously push Amis off the turnbuckle where he drops painfully to the concrete on the outside!
BRAD STOKES: Zack Fantana has eliminated Amis Shelton!
Kimitsu rages at Zack swinging a hard clothesline for Fantana, but he ducks it and her momentum sends her up and over the ropes and Zach manages a step backwards and sends a dropkick at Kimi that topples her over the ropes to the outside to the roar of the crowd!
BRAD STOKES: What the shit?!
NINA APPLEBAUM: He actually survived?!
Zack is half dead in the ring as the crowd raves!
MARSHALL DOUGLAS: Here is your winner… and STILL RESILIENCE CHAMPION…..
BRAD STOKES: That is an unbelievable feat right there.
MARSHALL DOUGLAS: ZACK…. FANTANAAAAAAA!
“Lucid Dreams” by Franz Ferdinand blasts onto the speaker as the Ref and Marshall Douglas help Zack to his feet looking stunned, winded, but buoyed by the victory.
BRAD STOKES: I don’t know, Nina. He didn’t do the most damage, more like took the most damage, but in the end… by the power of some strange god of lazy-eyed punks Zack Fantana is still our Resilience Champion.
NINA APPLEBAUM: The end definitely doesn’t justify the means, Bradley.
They give the, empty, attaché case to Zack who looks at it’s lackluster emptiness with a sense of pride in its symbolic nature as Theo Refano holds up his hand in victory!
NINA APPLEBAUM: What’s up?
BRAD STOKES: Why did Zack Fantana come down to the ring with a jug of syrup?
NINA APPLEBAUM: I honestly don’t know, Bradley. Must have something to do with Thanksgiving though!
BRAD STOKES: Sweeeeeeet! He better have brought along enough to share!
Inside the ring stands Carmen Cambridge and Zack Fantana, Marshall Douglas between them.
BRAD STOKES: Carmen Cambridge of course the number 1 contender for the Resilience Championship. There as per special request.
NINA APPLEBAUM: She earned that space as much as anyone, Bradley.
MARSHALL DOUGLAS: Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to our MAIN EVENT of the evening. A Royal Rumble Match for the Resilience Championship….. are you ready to RUMBBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLE!?
The crowd roars.
BRAD STOKES: That’s an inventive way of asking that question.
DING! DING!
Marshall Douglas slides from the ring just in time as Carmen Cambridge and Zack Fantana tie-up in center ring!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Again, fans, the rules of a Royal Rumble are two individuals begin the match, and then at timed intervals another competitor will enter! Eliminations may only occur after a wrestler is thrown over the top rope and both feet touch the outside.
It’s a visceral lock up in the ring as Zack uses his height and weight advantage to bear down on Carmen and force her towards the ropes. Carmen quickly shifts momentum however and Zack finds himself against the ropes instead! Carmen is suddenly laying kicks into Zack while he’s against the ropes! Kick after kick has Zack manage to block one and elbow Carmen backwards then Zack charges leaps Carmen and hits a sunset flip powerbomb!
BRAD STOKES: Kinda weird to see these two going at it like this.
NINA APPLEBAUM: They won’t be alone long, I’m sure.
Carmen is fast to her feet as Zack follows her, and corners her only to be surprised as Carmen alley oops over Zack and traps him in the corner and quickly lays sound kicks into Zack that keeps him pinned in the corner.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Carmen Cambridge is absolutely unloading on Zack Fantana!
BRAD STOKES: Fantana is the unequivocal bullseye in this match. Everyone is gunning for him. There’s no way he’s coming out of here with anything but that jug of syrup he brought down to the ring!
Zack is quick out of the corner swinging a lariat for Carmen but she ducks it, hooks Zack’s arms and slams him down hard on his shoulders with a double underhook suplex!
10!
9!
9!
NINA APPLEBAUM: New entrant coming.
8!
7!
7!
BRAD STOKES: Who will it be?! Place your bets folks.
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
Some “Eerie Church Bell Shit” plays over the speaker.
BRAD STOKES: Loving this music.
Sinister Minister makes his way down to the ring with a glare at the two combatants slugging it out in the ring.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Oooooooo the Sinister Minister!!!
BRAD STOKES: A fan, I take it?
NINA APPLEBAUM: How could you not be?
The Minister joins Cambridge and Fantana in the ring. Carmen aims a superkick at the Minister that slams into his chest but the Minister powers through the kick angrily and clotheslines Carmen down to the canvas!
Fantana is up and tries something similar but finds himself bulldogged down to the canvas!
BRAD STOKES: And the Sinister Minister has arrived! Condolences to Carmen and Zack.
The Minister grips Fantana by the back of the head and drags him to his feet and irish whips him at the corner with some thrust and power behind it. Zack expertly rolls up and over the turnbuckle and lands skillfully on the apron! Sinister Minister rushes him angrily and Zack ducks and the Minister nearly goes over the ropes! He manages to grab them and drops onto the apron beside Zack who begins slamming the sole of his foot down hard on the Minister.
Carmen Cambridge is at her feet and rushes Zack as well but Zack shoulder butts through the ropes into Carmen’s midsection to back her up and Zack hops onto the ropes and dropkicks Carmen! Sinister Minister rolls under the ropes back into the ring!
10!
BRAD STOKES: Got another one coming! If it’s not Dom Lawson I’m going to be disappointed.
9!
8!
8!
NINA APPLEBAUM: I thought you hated Dom Lawson?
7!
6!
6!
BRAD STOKES: I do hate Dom Lawson. I want to watch him suffer in there.
5!
4!
4!
Inside the ring Carmen is back on her feet and has given a strong cutter to the Minister and managed to sidekick Fantana into next week!
3!
2!
1!
2!
1!
“I Got a Boy” by Girls Generation kicks in and Trinity Jones strides out to a pop from the fans as she rushes down to the ring.
NINA APPLEBAUM: And Trinity Jones is in the building.
Trinity slides in and immediately slams Carmen down with a swinging neckbreaker! As she rises to her feet Zack Fantana is there to drop her with a sudden codebreaker that leaves her wincing in pain. Sinister Minister surprises Fantana with a sudden irish whip back into the corner and chases Fantana in with a splash!
BRAD STOKES: 4 people inside the ring and we’re already experiencing chaos! Isn’t it grand, Nina?
Carmen is back to her feet and moves over to suddenly help Sinister Minister attempt to push Fantana over the turnbuckle!
NINA APPLEBAUM: We could have an elimination here!
The Minister aims hard elbows down into Zack’s body as he struggles and squirms to keep gripping the ropes as Minister and Carmen struggle to upend him over the ropes! Fantana manages an elbow into Carmen’s face that backs her off, then a kick at the Minster that backs him off as well. Fantana climbs to the top and soars down at them with a double arm clothesline!
10!
9!
8!
9!
8!
BRAD STOKES: Someone else coming down the pike!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
“Straight Outta Compton” by N.W.A. blasts and the fans watch S.O.B. storm out looking determined and angry.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Oh, here we go.
BRAD STOKES: This guy tells it like it is, Nina. And he has guaranteed me Zack Fantana’s head on a stick tonight. SO DON’T FUCK IT UP!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Bradley!
BRAD STOKES: I like the blacks, Nina. I’m the least racist person in this building. S.O.B. and I are brothers.
S.O.B. takes off running for the ring! In the ring Carmen and Sinister Minister find themselves at odds with one another, as Sinister Minister attempts to overpower Carmen but finds himself kicked hard by a step-up enziguri! Meanwhile Trinity Jones as floored Fantana with a stiff kick that knocks him flat on his back. S,O.B. charges in opportunistically and absolutely soccer kick PUNTS Zack under the ropes to the outside!
BRAD STOKES: S.O.B. just kicked Zack Fantana out of the ring!!!! FANTANA’S BEEN ELIMINATED! HE SAID HE WOULD DO IT! AND HE DID IT! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA TAKE THAT, CHAMP!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Bradley… Zack didn’t go over the ropes!
In the ring, as if paused a moment everyone is watching Zack get helped back into the ring. S.O.B. looks furious and takes it out promptly on Trinity Jones with a harsh lariat! Back to work, Carmen has Sinister Minister in the corner and is kicking him furiously in the sides!
NINA APPLEBAUM: We DON’T have our first elimination, folks. S.O.B. came in and unleashed a hard kick that sent Zack Fantana clear out of the ring into the guard rail, but he did NOT go over the ropes ladies and gentlemen.
BRAD STOKES: Damn. I just made a fool of myself after that. Guess I should pay closer attention.
10!
9!
8!
9!
8!
BRAD STOKES: While Zack gets back in the ring, we have someone else coming down to join the party!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
“Frostbite” by Parkway Drive kicks in and Austin Gale storms out from the back with determination toward the ring.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Austin Gale is our 6th entrant into the Royal Rumble!
Zack is in the ring and knees S.O.B. hard in the face to topple him off Trinity Jones. Carmen Cambridge has Sinister Minister weakened and clinging for dear life as she pushes him up onto the turnbuckle!
BRAD STOKES: We could have our first REAL elimination here!
Trinity Jones is on her feet just as Austin Gale arrives and heads right for S.O.B. and Zack Fantana, instead he’s greeted by a jumping knee from Trinity that knocks Austin backwards into the ropes and Trinity looks to capitalize, hooking his head and his leg and trying to force him back over the ropes!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Trinity Jones could eliminate Austin Gale just as he entered!
Austin elbows Trinity off him and sends a set of kicks into her chest that knocks her backward then charges her and FLATTENS her to the canvas with a spinebuster! As he stands he gets run over by a charging S.O.B. shoulder block that knocks him into the corner! S.O.B. runs his shoulder repeatedly into Austin to keep him plastered there! Meanwhile Carmen is literally powering Sinister Minister over the top turnbuckle to the outside even as the Minister is raining down hard fists onto her. Carmen fights through the onslaught and is soon joined by Trinity Jones who starts to help!
10!
9!
9!
Zack inverts a headlock and drops S.O.B. into a backbreaker that lays him out only to get a surprise thrust kick in the face by Austin Gale!
8!
7!
7!
Sinister Minister drops an elbow into Carmen’s back that drops her to a knee and gives the Minister room to smash a forearm into Trinity and gives him room to climb back into the ring!
6!
5!
5!
NINA APPLEBAUM: We have Dom Lawson, Benny Stevens, Kimitsu Zombie, Amis Shelton and Colgate Carnage still left to enter the ring! Who will it be?!
4!
3!
2!
1!
3!
2!
1!
“Sayanora, Perfect World” by Midori kicks in and Kimitsu Zombie bolts out from the back toward the ring!
BRAD STOKES: Kimitsu Zombie enters the fray! This should be good for all those fans of standing back and letting others do your dirty work for you.
NINA APPLEBAUM: There’s plenty of action in that ring, Bradley. If Kimitsu wants to play a strategy that works, I say let her.
BRAD STOKES: Boooooooring.
Zack Fantana tornado DDTs Sinister Minister. Carmen Cambridge absolutely squashes Trinity Jones with a belly to belly suplex! Austin Gale stomps a mudhole into S.O.B and Kimitsu navigates through the pairings before being inexplicably attacked by an errantly charging Sinister Minister!
BRAD STOKES: I hear Kimi’s got something going on with American Tommy, Nina. That true?
NINA APPLEBAUM: I’m not sure about that but Sinister Minister looks to try to eliminate Kimi right here and now!
Sinister Minister has scooped up Kimitsu and brought her to the ropes just as Fantana charges in and hits a side kick into Sinister Minister’s back that stumbles him forward sending Kimitsu dropping over the ropes onto the apron!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Almost another elimination there!
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
9!
8!
7!
6!
Carmen Cambridge has Trinity Jones up and near the ropes and unleashes a furious superkick into Trinity’s chin that sends her up and over the ropes and DOWN onto the outside!
5!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Our first elimination of the night!
4!
Carmen instantly goes to work on Zack Fantana at the same time as he is booting Sinister Minster hard and fast to try to push him over the ropes!
3!
2!
1!
2!
1!
“Slow Ride” by Foghat kicks in and Colgate Carnage comes out holding a jug of Maple Syrup which he gives to a lucky fan in the audience before charging down to the ring!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Colgate Carnage is here everybody!
BRAD STOKES: HAAAAA! That bastards name is Colgate?!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Yes—
BRAD STOKES: THAT’S HILARIOUS! Motherfucker’s name is TOOTHPASTE. Do you think he knows that?!
NINA APPLEBAUM: I’m sure he’s heard--
BRAD STOKES: I consider it my civic duty to tell him after the show in case no one else has.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Suit yourself.
S.O.B. has angrily whipped Austin Gale across the ring and slammed him right Zack Fantana knocking them both over rather horrifically. Sinister Minister has Carmen Cambridge up in a gorilla press and sent her flying right at S.O.B that knocks him sideways just as Colgate enters the ring and bee lines right for Sinister Minister who greets him with a stiff uppercut that staggers Colgate backwards inadvertently knocking into Kimitsu.
NINA APPLEBAUM: They’re knocking each other into one another in there!
BRAD STOKES: It’s crazy. It’s chaotic. But if the name of the game is to wind your opponents down, that’s the way to do it!
Carmen staggers to her feet, Zack also, both look winded near the ropes as Sinister Minister charges Carmen from behind. Carmen sees it last second and ducks and Sinister Minister goes up and over the ropes but lands on the apron!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Close—
10!
Zack side kicks the Minister hard that sends him toppling off the apron to the outside!!
9!
BRAD STOKES: Not so close! Sinister Minister has been eliminated!
8!
Carmen knees Zack and tries to drive him backwards into the ropes but finds stiff resistance and the two are suddenly trading blows near the ropes!
7!
NINA APPLEBAUM: There’s little time to rest on your laurels in a match like this!
6!
5!
4!
5!
4!
Colgate Carnage has S.O.B. up and slams him down with a sidewalk slam! Austin Gale, meanwhile has taken to furiously elbow Kimitsu Zombie into the corner and trying to push her over the top!
3!
2!
1!
2!
1!
“Dream Eater” by Separations kicks in on the speakers as Amis Shelton comes out from the back and strides confidently down to the ring. Inside the ring Colgate stomps into S.O.B before her catches a kick and upends Colgate to the canvas and follows it up with some hard and furious mounted punches! Austin is furiously trying to dump Kimitsu over the top but she is proving a more difficult individual than he had hopes! Amis enters and immediately rushes Zack Fantana dropping him like a sack of bricks with an unexpected vertical suplex! And Amis is pumped as Carmen rushes him only for him to duck her and SLAM Carmen down with a death valley driver that ignites the crowd!
BRAD STOKES: And Amis F’N SHELTON has arrived in the AWE, fans!!
NINA APPLEBAUM: He’s on fire!
No sooner has he dumped those two is he met with a sudden atomic drop by S.O.B. into a bulldog that plants Amis Shelton where he stands! Colgate Carnage is immediately charging Austin Gale and SLAMS him to the ring with a dragon suplex that spares Kimitsu Zombie any further difficulties for the time being as Colgate goes to work with some mounted punches into Austin Gale!
10!
9!
8!
9!
8!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Two have been eliminated, and two left to enter. Let’s see who it will be next!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
“I Fought the Law” by the Clash blasts and Dom Lawson strides out and moves down to the ring with purpose! Inside the ring Carmen is slow to her feet and finds herself being inexplicably booted in the back by Kimitsu Zombie into the ropes where she must suddenly cling for dear life to the ropes as Kimitsu almost has her over!
NINA APPLEBAUM: And Dom Lawson enters and goes right at Colgate Carnage with a stuff shot that sends him reeling towards the ropes! I think it’s safe to say strategy is an afterthought in this type of match.
BRAD STOKES: It’s about who you can eliminate, and not being eliminated yourself. That’s it. Period. End of story.
S.O.B and Amis Shelton trade blows as Zack Fantana weakly gets to his feet and interrupts them both with a sudden double DDT that erupts the crowd!
NINA APPLEBAUM: It’s amazing Fantana’s still going at this rate!
Before Kimitsu can eliminate Carmen, Carmen manages to turn the tables and scissors Kimitsu over the ropes where Zombie finds herself now clinging to the ropes tightly instead!
BRAD STOKES: That Carmen is so crafty! She could eliminate Kimitsu right there and now!
10!
9!
8!
7!
9!
8!
7!
BRAD STOKES: There’s only one person this can be!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
“Sex Type Thing” Blasts onto the speakers and Benny energetically bounds out from the back and charges the ring!
NINA APPLEBAUM: And the gang’s all here!
Benny slips into the ring and rams right into Carmen Cambridge before she completely eliminates Kimitsu! Dom Lawson and Colgate Carnage are shifting gears on one another as they exchange blows!
Austin Gale charges S.O.B. who’s about to unload on a fallen Amis Shelton and knocks S.O.B hard with bulldog!
BRAD STOKES: Hard to say who’s the favorite at this point. All of them look poised to win at any second!
Benny Stevens is like a firecracker, he’s knocked Carmen Cambridge over the ropes onto the apron and went right to work blasting Kimitsu into the corner then charges Dom Lawson with a pump-handle slam!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Hard to say what Benny Stevens is doing in there, I thought he was going to hang back…
BRAD STOKES: I think Benny is like the wind, Nina. He’s unpredictable, and I prefer to keep it that way!
Amis Shelton has gone to work blasting away at the champ who is fighting to get to his feet. Kimitsu Zombie even helps stomping away at Fantana who is seemingly stuck on one knee. Over near the ropes Austin Gale and S.O.B. are struggling to tip the other over the ropes when Colgate Carnage lunges for them with a double-arm clothesline with way too much force behind it that topples all of them over the top rope to the outside!
BRAD STOKES: Good God Colgate Carnage eliminated them all! Including himself!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Unexpected, not sure he meant to do that!
BRAD STOKES: Of course he didn’t! But there goes three of them! And they’re STILL fighting on the outside!
Meanwhle Dom Lawson is furiously stomping away at Carmen Cambridge in the corner, aiming to boost her up but Carmen elbows back at Lawson and manages to evade the ropes, bowling him over with a straight-arm clothesline. As she rises though she’s on the wrong end of a Benny Stevens Pele kick that knocks her into the ropes!
Dom Lawson rises and belts Carmen with a vicious backhand that flips her up over the ropes but she hangs on and lands on the ring apron!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Another close call for Carmen--
Amis Shelton has Fantana up and launches him towards the ropes, where Carmen is and Fantana knocks the ropes and sends Carmen plummeting to the outside!
NINA APPLEBAUM: NO! Carmen Cambridge was eliminated!!
BRAD STOKES: I don’t think that was the intention! Wrong place wrong time there!
Zack returns and slams Amis down with a surprise overcastle! Carmen is angry on the outside watching as Dom Lawson finds himself on the awkward receiving end of Kimitsu Zombie opportunistically taking advantage of his positioning and dumping him over the top rope where he spills to the outside!
BRAD STOKES: And there goes Dom Lawson! Serves him right for looking at me funny!
Benny is right there to belt Kimitsu with a knife edge chop that staggers her to the ropes and Benny charges knocking into her to try to tip her over the ropes but Kimitsu hangs on!
NINA APPLEBAUM: We’re down to the final four! Kimitsu, Amis, Zack and Benny!
Zack is exhausted as he drags Amis up to his feet only to get blindsided by Benny Stevens who slams Zack down with a back body drop!
BRAD STOKES: Those two are like… Eskimo brothers, aren’t they?
NINA APPLEBAUM: How can you even follow it anymore?!
Amis is on his feet staggering in time to see Kimitsu charging him and flattening him down with a straight-arm clothesline she follows through with severe mounted punches!
BRAD STOKES: Who you got to win, Nina? My money’s on the Amish guy.
NINA APPLEBAUM: Uhhhhh, excuse me? You mean Amis Shelton?
BRAD STOKES: Nobody just names their kid Amis without implying something, know what I’m saying? Like Benny. Who the FUCK names their kid Benny and doesn’t expect that kid to grow up developmentally delayed?
Benny rises off Zack who is rolling onto his stomach in obvious pain and exhaustion. Benny charges Kimitsu who doesn’t see him coming and slams his knee into Zombie’s face that topples her right off Amis. He drops an elbow and rises as Amis is collecting his feet under him and jams his shoulder into Benny’s spine driving him right into the ropes! Amis grips Benny’s legs and helps upend him over the ropes! Benny spills to the outside!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Amis Shelton has eliminated Benny Stevens!!
BRAD STOKES: That’ll go over well later, I bet.
Kimitsu is on her feet and taking advantage of Amis Shelton’s recovery time by belting him with hard chops that back him into the corner and she swiftly goes to work trying to force him over the corner!
NINA APPLEBAUM: Three of them in there now, and we can be about to drop down to two if Kimitsu Zombie gets her way here!
Zack is dragging himself to his feet wobbly, groggy and in obvious pain as he stumbles at Kimitsu and Amis who is fight back against Kimi trying to eliminate him! Zack comes out of nowhere with a hard elbow into the side of Kimitsu’s head that knocks her sideways, and Zack is right there to furiously push Amis off the turnbuckle where he drops painfully to the concrete on the outside!
BRAD STOKES: Zack Fantana has eliminated Amis Shelton!
Kimitsu rages at Zack swinging a hard clothesline for Fantana, but he ducks it and her momentum sends her up and over the ropes and Zach manages a step backwards and sends a dropkick at Kimi that topples her over the ropes to the outside to the roar of the crowd!
BRAD STOKES: What the shit?!
NINA APPLEBAUM: He actually survived?!
Zack is half dead in the ring as the crowd raves!
DING! DING! DING!
MARSHALL DOUGLAS: Here is your winner… and STILL RESILIENCE CHAMPION…..
BRAD STOKES: That is an unbelievable feat right there.
MARSHALL DOUGLAS: ZACK…. FANTANAAAAAAA!
“Lucid Dreams” by Franz Ferdinand blasts onto the speaker as the Ref and Marshall Douglas help Zack to his feet looking stunned, winded, but buoyed by the victory.
BRAD STOKES: I don’t know, Nina. He didn’t do the most damage, more like took the most damage, but in the end… by the power of some strange god of lazy-eyed punks Zack Fantana is still our Resilience Champion.
NINA APPLEBAUM: The end definitely doesn’t justify the means, Bradley.
They give the, empty, attaché case to Zack who looks at it’s lackluster emptiness with a sense of pride in its symbolic nature as Theo Refano holds up his hand in victory!
There’s a lot of commotion backstage as wrestlers file to their respective lockers. Most are worn out. Kass, Thirteen and Francis all watch them with respect. Out of nowhere Thomas Shane Elliot comes in a hurry with an arm around a young girl.
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: WHEW! I made it! Has the show started?!
Thirteen, Kass and Francis are surprised to see him.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Wow! T.S.! Forgot all about you!
Thirteen looks to the young woman with concern.
THIRTEEN: Is that your daughter? She’s okay?
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: This is my daughter. We made it, didn’t we baby?
Thomas smiles proudly down at his little girl who looks exhausted, like she’s been through hell but relieved to be safe. T.S. kisses her on the forehead.
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: It was touch and go there… but we got the bastards then caught the first red eye flight we could back to the states.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Your hair still looks fantastic! That must be some gel you use!
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: Yeah, whatever, but seriously, the show… does Mr. Smith know—
The voice barks ominously from the speaker that Kass was evidently holding the whole time without anyone noticing.
MR. SMITH: We need to talk, T.S.
T.S.’ face drops as he sees the speaker.
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: Mr. Smith, I can—
MR. SMITH: I’m sure there’s plenty of good excuses, T.S.. I get those from the bumbling director. I'd rather get answers, and an action plan. Bring me to your office, we’ll talk there about how we’re going to move forward.
Thomas looks defeated as Kass hands him the speaker. He looks worried and nervous to the three shareholders, then to his daughter as he exits with Mr. Smith. Francis, Thirteen and Kass look to one another with silent concern. A beat.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Anyone want some syrup? I got loads of the stuff.
He offers T.S.’ daughter some syrup which she declines. He shrugs and chugs from the bottle.
Fade.
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: WHEW! I made it! Has the show started?!
Thirteen, Kass and Francis are surprised to see him.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Wow! T.S.! Forgot all about you!
Thirteen looks to the young woman with concern.
THIRTEEN: Is that your daughter? She’s okay?
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: This is my daughter. We made it, didn’t we baby?
Thomas smiles proudly down at his little girl who looks exhausted, like she’s been through hell but relieved to be safe. T.S. kisses her on the forehead.
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: It was touch and go there… but we got the bastards then caught the first red eye flight we could back to the states.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Your hair still looks fantastic! That must be some gel you use!
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: Yeah, whatever, but seriously, the show… does Mr. Smith know—
The voice barks ominously from the speaker that Kass was evidently holding the whole time without anyone noticing.
MR. SMITH: We need to talk, T.S.
T.S.’ face drops as he sees the speaker.
THOMAS SHANE ELLIOT: Mr. Smith, I can—
MR. SMITH: I’m sure there’s plenty of good excuses, T.S.. I get those from the bumbling director. I'd rather get answers, and an action plan. Bring me to your office, we’ll talk there about how we’re going to move forward.
Thomas looks defeated as Kass hands him the speaker. He looks worried and nervous to the three shareholders, then to his daughter as he exits with Mr. Smith. Francis, Thirteen and Kass look to one another with silent concern. A beat.
FRANCIS FORD CUPPOLA: Anyone want some syrup? I got loads of the stuff.
He offers T.S.’ daughter some syrup which she declines. He shrugs and chugs from the bottle.
Fade.
Pantera’s “Walk” is pumping through the studio as Nate nods enthusiastically at the camera as it comes to rest back on him in the studio, and the music volume lowers.
NATE HOLLIS: And there you go friends. Zack Fantana retains the championship in a stunning win! We got our winners for the Paramount Championship tournament round one, and we got a lot of wrestlers who undoubtedly have some thoughts on those outcomes, and the future. But all of that pales in comparison to whatever is going to happen in Thomas Shane Elliot’s office!
HAL 9000: Using security cameras, and T.S.’ computer system, I am able to eavesdrop on their conversation, Nate. Would you like me to broadcast it?
NATE HOLLIS: No need, ‘9000. Let’s leave something to the imagination. There’s plenty of problems that need solving now. Not only do we have a lot of worthy contenders for championship belts, we are missing each of those belts. Not only that but we have an obvious struggle in the management division.
HAL 9000: There is no Management Division, Nathan.
NATE HOLLIS: Maybe not. But we got three shareholders who seem more than willing to step up to the plate if T.S. Elliot is unable to fulfill his duties. And from what I hear, we got some tournaments upcoming that makes an absolute booking nightmare… sounds like a bottle neck that’s going to need to be remedied somehow. Lotta problems, ‘9000. And I guess we, and the folks at home watching, are going to have to wait and see how all this plays out.
Until next time, AWEphiles. I’m the Godfather of Gab, Nate Hollis, with my Artificial Intelligence sidekick Hall 9000 wishing you and yours a happy and healthy Thanksgiving, and we’ll see you at Massacre number 3!
NATE HOLLIS: And there you go friends. Zack Fantana retains the championship in a stunning win! We got our winners for the Paramount Championship tournament round one, and we got a lot of wrestlers who undoubtedly have some thoughts on those outcomes, and the future. But all of that pales in comparison to whatever is going to happen in Thomas Shane Elliot’s office!
HAL 9000: Using security cameras, and T.S.’ computer system, I am able to eavesdrop on their conversation, Nate. Would you like me to broadcast it?
NATE HOLLIS: No need, ‘9000. Let’s leave something to the imagination. There’s plenty of problems that need solving now. Not only do we have a lot of worthy contenders for championship belts, we are missing each of those belts. Not only that but we have an obvious struggle in the management division.
HAL 9000: There is no Management Division, Nathan.
NATE HOLLIS: Maybe not. But we got three shareholders who seem more than willing to step up to the plate if T.S. Elliot is unable to fulfill his duties. And from what I hear, we got some tournaments upcoming that makes an absolute booking nightmare… sounds like a bottle neck that’s going to need to be remedied somehow. Lotta problems, ‘9000. And I guess we, and the folks at home watching, are going to have to wait and see how all this plays out.
Until next time, AWEphiles. I’m the Godfather of Gab, Nate Hollis, with my Artificial Intelligence sidekick Hall 9000 wishing you and yours a happy and healthy Thanksgiving, and we’ll see you at Massacre number 3!