Post by Bindy Trent on Nov 23, 2016 17:31:36 GMT -5
Why was it no matter what cart one chose it was always the wrong one? A sticky wheel, an annoying clicking sound when it moved, it was a day to day mild annoyance Bindy tried to push through using the power of the universe’s wealth of positive energy. That was the kind of energy she was going to need a lot of to get through this trip, and to keep herself accountable she decided to livestream the event to her Facebook. The young woman held her cell phone in her hands which rested on the shopping cart handle, and looked down into its front facing camera, sighing. The little puff of air from her lips blew a loose strand of brown hair around her face.
»BINDY«
This is it people, the moment that my adoring fans have been waiting for. And so what if my fans are just my parents, they’re cool people. Anyway, I got some business that needs attending to and that’s why I’m bringing this message to the people. You’re probably assuming I’m talking about my upcoming match, right? Well, that IS important, but do you see this madness?!
She lifted up her phone and panned it around the health food store she was entering that was packed with an assortment of last minute shoppers just like herself.
»BINDY«
This is what I’m dealing with because before I can get in the ring and take on an opponent I have to take on Thanksgiving, and that means locating the rarely seen Tofurky.
Her voice changed to a thick, over the top Australian accent, doing her best (worst) Crocodile Hunter impersonation.
»BINDY«
And oy, it’s a wily beast not easy to catch in any area of North America that's been hit by gentrification. But let’s have a go, shall we?
Rolling through the produce section she looked to sneak through the melon area when an older woman cut her off. Bindy simply stopped, smiled, and waved the woman on through. Afterwards she looked back to the phone she was holding in her hand.
»BINDY«
The tofurky has been known as a migratory creature, sometimes found among fresh vegetables, and yet at other times hiding itself in the midst of real turkeys as a disguise. We’ll be sure to keep our eyes out today, it could be around any corner. But while we hunt I will also take a moment to address what I’m sure any people watching are actually here to hear about.
Bang Bang Bindy has entered the world of the Alpha Wrestling Empire and in a short amount of time will be opening their next show. That shit is wild! Now I’ve been around, I’ve seen some stuff but I ain’t ever going to get tired of showing up in front of a whole room full of people and getting a chance to make a first impression.
While she had meant to make it out of the produce section without any impulse buys, a stack of avocados was too much for her to ignore. She tossed two in a bag for herself, struggling to hold onto her phone while she did as much, likely making any viewers slightly motion sick.
»BINDY«
So yeah, the person who’s going to be helping me make that impression is someone I know as much about as much as I know about most people on the AWE roster, and that’s to say not very much at all. I mean like shit, forgive my ignorance and shit, but studying never really was my strong suite. I remembered his name for starters, so I got that going for me. Big Ben, Benny Hill, Benjamin Big Bucks Franklin, A.K.A …. Ben Haskell. Okay, maybe I know more than his name, there is something else I know for sure about this dude.
Ben Haskell has a great beard, obviously very well cared for. That let’s me know he’s a man of patience and pride, he worked had to grow that beard and now he makes sure to put in the proper upkeep. You can tell a lot about a man by his facial hair to be honest. For instance, I don’t have facial hair and that’s because I’m not a man. Perhaps that’s why he wisely turned down my beard versus beard stipulation for our match.
And he’s married to Ana Hayden, so all and all this dude appears to be doing well for himself. Sweet beard, hot wife, that’s not the worst thing for me to take away from just some superficial judgments, eh? I’m sure I could dig deeper into this dude’s past, Google his name and scroll back through years of his Instragram pictures but ya know, it’s not like he’s my ex. Plus is any of that really going to make a big difference when we get in the ring? I doubt it.
I’m a lady, he’s a man and we’re going to exchange fisticuffs in a regulated setting. We both have our advantages and disadvantages man, so let’s get out there and see who’s ready to use theirs to the best of their ability. And maybe afterwards we can act like two decent people and give thanks to each other for a decent match or something.
She’d made it safely out of the fresh fruits and vegetables, having to slow down and weave between errant and absent minded shoppers who were contemplating the right brand of kombucha to serve with their baked asparagus platters. While she continued cruising horizontally down the back of the store, cutting around the rows of vertical isles she proceeded to think out loud a bit more, still recording herself
»BINDY«
If you guys tuned into this to try and get some super good insights into me well, apologies, I’m not really good at big introductions. I mean, you’ll see me wrestle and stuff soon enough and I think that’s more of a fair judgment of who I am than me just rambling about myself. People say a lot of things in professional wrestling. They’ll tell you they’re world champions in companies that only they know about, or that they’re a trillionaire because they inherited a coal mine or something.
Not to mention all the people who are just such bummers about everything. Doom and gloom and death types. Not that I’m trying to pass a whole lot of judgment, ya know? But that ain’t me, and I ain’t about that. I’m just a chick who likes to wrestle when I’m not looking at cat pictures on the internet basically.
The expression of her face went through several emotions. Shock, glee, and then complete seriousness as her eyes saw something in the distance.
»BINDY«
Oy! Ssshhh, sshhh. It seems we’ve stumbled upon some fertile nesting grounds here. Let’s be quiet as to not spook this creature.
Slowing the pace she pushed her cart to a crawl, the young adult who should have known better than to act like this in public approached the freezer door and opened it. The reveal was about as anti-climatic as when Geraldo Rivera had been there for the opening of Al Capone’s vault. The shelf was empty.
There was a spot clearly marked by a proud orange tag that exclaimed the item had been there, and was on SALE but now it was gone, depleted, hunted to extinction. Her heart palpated uneasily and she turned, looking for help. There he was, her life preserver in this ocean of madness. A young college age man with a twisted moustache, loading some mashed cauliflower meals into another freezer. She scuttled over to him.
»BINDY«
Hey, man, I really need a tofurky. There’s none on the shelf, do you have any idea-
ǂSTOCK BOYǂ
We’re out.
He cut her off, not rudely, but she could sense he was trying to save her the time of pleading as he’d already listened to many others do. Still, she hadn’t accepted her fate and tried to bargain.
»BINDY«
Would you mind checking in the back for me? Please?
ǂSTOCK BOYǂ
Ma’am, it’s a day away from Thanksgiving. I can promise you that there is nothing left in the back. There are several small turkey breasts left however if you are interested. They’re free range too.
»BINDY«
Woah, Bro-atoa, free range or not eating dead flesh is a major bummer on the karmatic scale. I can’t have that bad juju weighing me down.
ǂSTOCK BOYǂ
Well I truly am sorry, but we’re out. Maybe if you’re lucky Whole Foods might have some.
He really did sound genuinely sympathetic for her, but he spit out the name “Whole Foods” like they were a tribe of roaming nomads who had killed his parents when he was but a young child. Apparently there was a great civil war going on between health food stores she wasn’t privy to. So she gave the man a nod and turned her cart around, heading back down the frozen goods isle.
»BINDY«
Guess we’re out of luck mates, and mate-ettes. Not all hope is lost though, I’m sure we can still have a feast. I know how to make a pretty awesome spinach casserole. Let's just hope this protein deficiency won’t effect my match.
Still, she was sad. She’d really been looking forward to making that tofurky roll tomorrow.
. . .
I don’t care if the flight is delayed Karen, I’m already at the store getting this stupid tofu log for your fiance! Well fine, if that’s how you feel than you can just not bother coming and have dinner with her parents! HMMPH!!
The lady whom Bindy has stopped for and let pass her earlier in the produce section was hanging up her phone after what had sounded like a disgruntled family spat. Normally she wouldn’t impose herself into a situation like this but these were extraordinary circumstances. Approaching her nonchalantly as she could manage, the young wrestler cleared her throat to get the other shopper’s attention.
»BINDY«
I couldn’t help but overhear, and sorry about Karen, but uh … do you still think you’re going to need that tofurky?
Her eyes wandered down to the box in the other lady’s cart, hopeful for a little holiday magic.
. . .
Take it. In fact, take the whole damn cart.
The woman shoved her shopping cart towards Bindy who reached out, catching it just in time before it collided with her leg.
. . .
And take this tip too, don’t ever have kids. They’re a bunch of ungrateful brats who would rather spend the holidays with their Norwegian Vegan life partners than with you!
The last few of her words were hurled back over her shoulder while she stormed down the rest of the isle, indignant and upset. Bindy couldn’t feel the same way though. After all, Thanksgiving had just been saved for her. She pointed at her phone sagely
»BINDY«
See that? The universe provides man, you just gotta put some good in and it’ll come right back. So Ben, I don’t know what you’ve been producing but my vibes have been absolutely sick these last few days and in a very good way. I’m making sure that I go into our match with a karmatic surplus because even if I don’t get to be the one with their hand raised at the end of it, I’ll still know I did some awesome work out there. And really, what kinda jerk wouldn’t be happy with just that?
A message popped up on her phone screen warning in big scary letters that her battery was down to 15% remaining life. Unfortunately modern technology’s limitations were something that no matter of positive juju could fix, and so she gave the viewers a quick wave good bye and a bid farewell to end her video before her phone could completely die.
»BINDY«
This is it people, the moment that my adoring fans have been waiting for. And so what if my fans are just my parents, they’re cool people. Anyway, I got some business that needs attending to and that’s why I’m bringing this message to the people. You’re probably assuming I’m talking about my upcoming match, right? Well, that IS important, but do you see this madness?!
She lifted up her phone and panned it around the health food store she was entering that was packed with an assortment of last minute shoppers just like herself.
»BINDY«
This is what I’m dealing with because before I can get in the ring and take on an opponent I have to take on Thanksgiving, and that means locating the rarely seen Tofurky.
Her voice changed to a thick, over the top Australian accent, doing her best (worst) Crocodile Hunter impersonation.
»BINDY«
And oy, it’s a wily beast not easy to catch in any area of North America that's been hit by gentrification. But let’s have a go, shall we?
Rolling through the produce section she looked to sneak through the melon area when an older woman cut her off. Bindy simply stopped, smiled, and waved the woman on through. Afterwards she looked back to the phone she was holding in her hand.
»BINDY«
The tofurky has been known as a migratory creature, sometimes found among fresh vegetables, and yet at other times hiding itself in the midst of real turkeys as a disguise. We’ll be sure to keep our eyes out today, it could be around any corner. But while we hunt I will also take a moment to address what I’m sure any people watching are actually here to hear about.
Bang Bang Bindy has entered the world of the Alpha Wrestling Empire and in a short amount of time will be opening their next show. That shit is wild! Now I’ve been around, I’ve seen some stuff but I ain’t ever going to get tired of showing up in front of a whole room full of people and getting a chance to make a first impression.
While she had meant to make it out of the produce section without any impulse buys, a stack of avocados was too much for her to ignore. She tossed two in a bag for herself, struggling to hold onto her phone while she did as much, likely making any viewers slightly motion sick.
»BINDY«
So yeah, the person who’s going to be helping me make that impression is someone I know as much about as much as I know about most people on the AWE roster, and that’s to say not very much at all. I mean like shit, forgive my ignorance and shit, but studying never really was my strong suite. I remembered his name for starters, so I got that going for me. Big Ben, Benny Hill, Benjamin Big Bucks Franklin, A.K.A …. Ben Haskell. Okay, maybe I know more than his name, there is something else I know for sure about this dude.
Ben Haskell has a great beard, obviously very well cared for. That let’s me know he’s a man of patience and pride, he worked had to grow that beard and now he makes sure to put in the proper upkeep. You can tell a lot about a man by his facial hair to be honest. For instance, I don’t have facial hair and that’s because I’m not a man. Perhaps that’s why he wisely turned down my beard versus beard stipulation for our match.
And he’s married to Ana Hayden, so all and all this dude appears to be doing well for himself. Sweet beard, hot wife, that’s not the worst thing for me to take away from just some superficial judgments, eh? I’m sure I could dig deeper into this dude’s past, Google his name and scroll back through years of his Instragram pictures but ya know, it’s not like he’s my ex. Plus is any of that really going to make a big difference when we get in the ring? I doubt it.
I’m a lady, he’s a man and we’re going to exchange fisticuffs in a regulated setting. We both have our advantages and disadvantages man, so let’s get out there and see who’s ready to use theirs to the best of their ability. And maybe afterwards we can act like two decent people and give thanks to each other for a decent match or something.
She’d made it safely out of the fresh fruits and vegetables, having to slow down and weave between errant and absent minded shoppers who were contemplating the right brand of kombucha to serve with their baked asparagus platters. While she continued cruising horizontally down the back of the store, cutting around the rows of vertical isles she proceeded to think out loud a bit more, still recording herself
»BINDY«
If you guys tuned into this to try and get some super good insights into me well, apologies, I’m not really good at big introductions. I mean, you’ll see me wrestle and stuff soon enough and I think that’s more of a fair judgment of who I am than me just rambling about myself. People say a lot of things in professional wrestling. They’ll tell you they’re world champions in companies that only they know about, or that they’re a trillionaire because they inherited a coal mine or something.
Not to mention all the people who are just such bummers about everything. Doom and gloom and death types. Not that I’m trying to pass a whole lot of judgment, ya know? But that ain’t me, and I ain’t about that. I’m just a chick who likes to wrestle when I’m not looking at cat pictures on the internet basically.
The expression of her face went through several emotions. Shock, glee, and then complete seriousness as her eyes saw something in the distance.
»BINDY«
Oy! Ssshhh, sshhh. It seems we’ve stumbled upon some fertile nesting grounds here. Let’s be quiet as to not spook this creature.
Slowing the pace she pushed her cart to a crawl, the young adult who should have known better than to act like this in public approached the freezer door and opened it. The reveal was about as anti-climatic as when Geraldo Rivera had been there for the opening of Al Capone’s vault. The shelf was empty.
There was a spot clearly marked by a proud orange tag that exclaimed the item had been there, and was on SALE but now it was gone, depleted, hunted to extinction. Her heart palpated uneasily and she turned, looking for help. There he was, her life preserver in this ocean of madness. A young college age man with a twisted moustache, loading some mashed cauliflower meals into another freezer. She scuttled over to him.
»BINDY«
Hey, man, I really need a tofurky. There’s none on the shelf, do you have any idea-
ǂSTOCK BOYǂ
We’re out.
He cut her off, not rudely, but she could sense he was trying to save her the time of pleading as he’d already listened to many others do. Still, she hadn’t accepted her fate and tried to bargain.
»BINDY«
Would you mind checking in the back for me? Please?
ǂSTOCK BOYǂ
Ma’am, it’s a day away from Thanksgiving. I can promise you that there is nothing left in the back. There are several small turkey breasts left however if you are interested. They’re free range too.
»BINDY«
Woah, Bro-atoa, free range or not eating dead flesh is a major bummer on the karmatic scale. I can’t have that bad juju weighing me down.
ǂSTOCK BOYǂ
Well I truly am sorry, but we’re out. Maybe if you’re lucky Whole Foods might have some.
He really did sound genuinely sympathetic for her, but he spit out the name “Whole Foods” like they were a tribe of roaming nomads who had killed his parents when he was but a young child. Apparently there was a great civil war going on between health food stores she wasn’t privy to. So she gave the man a nod and turned her cart around, heading back down the frozen goods isle.
»BINDY«
Guess we’re out of luck mates, and mate-ettes. Not all hope is lost though, I’m sure we can still have a feast. I know how to make a pretty awesome spinach casserole. Let's just hope this protein deficiency won’t effect my match.
Still, she was sad. She’d really been looking forward to making that tofurky roll tomorrow.
. . .
I don’t care if the flight is delayed Karen, I’m already at the store getting this stupid tofu log for your fiance! Well fine, if that’s how you feel than you can just not bother coming and have dinner with her parents! HMMPH!!
The lady whom Bindy has stopped for and let pass her earlier in the produce section was hanging up her phone after what had sounded like a disgruntled family spat. Normally she wouldn’t impose herself into a situation like this but these were extraordinary circumstances. Approaching her nonchalantly as she could manage, the young wrestler cleared her throat to get the other shopper’s attention.
»BINDY«
I couldn’t help but overhear, and sorry about Karen, but uh … do you still think you’re going to need that tofurky?
Her eyes wandered down to the box in the other lady’s cart, hopeful for a little holiday magic.
. . .
Take it. In fact, take the whole damn cart.
The woman shoved her shopping cart towards Bindy who reached out, catching it just in time before it collided with her leg.
. . .
And take this tip too, don’t ever have kids. They’re a bunch of ungrateful brats who would rather spend the holidays with their Norwegian Vegan life partners than with you!
The last few of her words were hurled back over her shoulder while she stormed down the rest of the isle, indignant and upset. Bindy couldn’t feel the same way though. After all, Thanksgiving had just been saved for her. She pointed at her phone sagely
»BINDY«
See that? The universe provides man, you just gotta put some good in and it’ll come right back. So Ben, I don’t know what you’ve been producing but my vibes have been absolutely sick these last few days and in a very good way. I’m making sure that I go into our match with a karmatic surplus because even if I don’t get to be the one with their hand raised at the end of it, I’ll still know I did some awesome work out there. And really, what kinda jerk wouldn’t be happy with just that?
A message popped up on her phone screen warning in big scary letters that her battery was down to 15% remaining life. Unfortunately modern technology’s limitations were something that no matter of positive juju could fix, and so she gave the viewers a quick wave good bye and a bid farewell to end her video before her phone could completely die.