Post by Anastasia Hayden on Dec 2, 2016 2:39:35 GMT -5
Y regreso aquí otra vez y comienzo
“Why do I always fucking do this.”
Anastasia sighed, leaning over her bathroom sink and her head pressed against the medicine cabinet mirror. Everything was mounting up, the tiny issues had become a mountain. The avalanche was fierce and unforgiving, she found herself buried underneath the rubble. Any efforts to dig out just found more rubble collapsing into her. There was no rescue coming and there was no hope of escape. Only to wait for death to come by and start again. She couldn’t bring herself to even look in the mirror, for the fear of being disgusted at what she’d see.
“Are you alright in there?”
“Yeah...I’m fine!”
But she wasn’t. The voice of Tyler was only a reminder of her struggle of the avalanche. One mistake followed by another. It started with a drink. They almost always do. Her body had been cleansed of any alcohol that might have been leftover. A real sobering situation she found herself in. Just like when she left Oklahoma. The names and faces change, but the problem remains the same.
All she could think about was Tyler. The smell of his cologne lingered on her body and nearly choked her, prompting her to gag which then prompted another hospitality check in the form of a knock.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure, Tyler...just give me a minute!”
For a brief moment, Ana looked up and saw what she was wearing. His shirt. Instantly, she tore it off and replaced it with an old jacket. Detachment from it all is what she needed. The mountain of a personal life was too much for her to handle. Friends...love? She didn’t know if that was the right word. Whatever it was, it made her sick. With the two, came concern and worry. They asked how she was, how she felt about losing to Cyrus Riddle, to keep her head up and look forward to the Alpha Cup. Wrestling was the only thing in her life she loved. They were using it against her. And Ana fucking hated it.
Everyday she grew closer with Tyler and she knew she was better off just putting her head through a noose instead. Practically the same thing. She opened the bathroom door in time to see Tyler putting his jeans back on and she tossed his shirt toward him. Part of her was happy to see him, to be with him, but the rest knew how deadly that was. Love and Anastasia were never meant to be together. Happiness and Anastasia were never meant to be together. Two sins. Only pain and suffering were allowed in her life.
“What’s the matter?”
“I...I have something to tell you...something I’ve been putting off. And after…’this’...I need to tell you now...before it gets worse.”
“Oh? Well...what is it?”
She wanted to throw up, ignoring his gaze and looking at the floor.
“My visa in England...it’s almost up. I’ve got to leave. Back to America.”
A half truth. All she had to do was simply reapply, but the internal deadline in her mind passed. All it took was one admission from the wrong person. Staying in London would just be a mistake. And that meant staying with Tyler would be a mistake.
He laughed a worried laugh, but confidence was always the name of the game for Tyler, taking the news in stride.
“You had me scared there. Thought you might’ve said you had a rematch against Riddle or something.”
Another laugh, but nothing was funny. Not to her.
“Sorry...bad joke. But look, I mean, it’s not like you’re going away forever, right?”
“Might as well be…”
“We...well, we can find something to make this work. I’ll just get more work in the States, you know? We can still call or Skype or…”
“I just can’t...I can’t do this, Tyler. Whatever ‘this’ is.”
There was a pause. As if what Ana said wasn’t clear to Tyler. As if he was trying to ignore what she said and ignore the denial. It only made things worse.
“Yeah, it’ll be hard, but we can make this work, Ana.”
“I don’t think we ca-”
“Baby steps! That’s all. I want this. I want you. Distance isn’t anything...we can make this wor-”
“We can make this work”, a phrase that was driving her crazy. A phrase she’d heard one too many times before. Unfortunately, Tyler was just the next victim in line.
“No, we fucking can’t! We can’t make 'this' fucking work. And it...it wasn’t suppose to be a fucking thing to begin with! I don’t want to make 'this' work...”
A second pause. Longer than the first. A period of thought and quick reflection as the pieces of the jigsaw fell into place. The nervous look was replaced with that of pain. A look Ana was familiar with.
“You don’t want this...did I do something wrong? I know tonight...everything happened so fast, but...I care for you, Ana. At the airport, I knew right away tha-”
“Tyler. Please. Just stop. You’re only making it worse.”
And so he did on her command. The gears inside his head were churning at a rapid pace, on the verge of overheating and exploding. Nothing made sense anymore. That too, Ana was familiar with. His face was flushed with red, a mixture of embarrassment and anger.
“And so what? You just dragged me along with no intentions of anything? Fucking use me and then vanish from my life? Was that the plan, Ana?”
“No, it...none of this was meant to happen...I can’t do this.”
“You can’t? What does that even fucking mean, Ana?”
“Just leave, please.”
“Ana…”
The bargaining stage. Any shred of his dignity was being torn apart in front of them.
“Fucking leave! I need to pack...”
He scrambled for words to say, but his mind failed him. There was nothing to say. A simple nod of the head, clenching his jaw, and biting his tongue, Tyler had been defeated in a war he had no time to prepare for. The door swung open, but he needed one last dying remark. One last hoo-rah.
“You know, Ana...you need help...and I’m sorry that I can’t be the help you need.”
He wasn’t wrong. Rarely was anyone when regarding Ana’s life. It seemed like they all knew her better than she knew herself. And perhaps there was some truth to that. Tyler left, one more look, a look of “Go fuck yourself” as Ana closed the front door. A tsunami of nausea hit her, causing her to rush into the bathroom and expunge the bile from her body. There was a sadistic pleasure that came with vomiting, the endorphins easing the tension.
Her head thumped against the mirror again. That’s when she thought about her relief. The release she needed. She pulled back and opened the cabinet, taking out a small black rectangular case. A plan was needed, Ana needed something as she clutched the case tightly to her chest. An old friend, often, her only friend. Twirling the razor blade between her fingers, Ana sat down against the bathtub. Lightly, she pressed the blade down to her thigh, a beautiful reunion. She sighed. Soon, her only worry would be wrestling yet again.
Time to run away again.
“So, I’m out of the little Paramount Division tournament, eh? Well, good! Big deal. I didn’t want to be in that stupid thing anyways. The urge to keep fighting after Cyrus Riddle was worthless. Just slim pickings for the rest of the AWE scum to pick up. If anything, me losing...that makes me the real winner. Riddle has to go on and face a field of losers. Everyone’s saying how Cyrus got “lucky” that his gal pal was there for him, but I’m the lucky one. I’m the one who was spared from any unneeded torment. I’m moving onto bigger, better things while the Paramount Championship can play second fiddle.”
“It’s no secret that ever since I stepped foot inside of AWE, there’s been a target on my back. There’s been a higher power at play trying to undermine me at every step. If I cared, I’d almost be offended by that. But it’s my burden to carry, which, I have no issue with. If I have to place the whole of AWE on my back and carry this company to success, then I’ll fucking do it. Not for the fans, not for any of these ‘wrestlers’, but for myself. Just to prove that I can do it. I don’t need a tournament win or a championship to prove it.”
“Instead, I’m going to prove it by continuing to be myself. The greatest wrestler in AWE. Much like how I’m the greatest wrestler in #FSociety as well. Put me in any company and you’ll get the same results. Any show, I’m the star. The main events? I’m a WALKING MAIN EVENT! When everyone comes to AWE, they pay to see the next Anastasia Hayden CLASSIC. I drag my sorry opponents to such high expectations when I’m done with them...to the point where people think they might actually be good. And if you find yourself thinking that, let me know, I won’t have any issue knocking some sense into you.”
“If there’s a tournament to care about...to care about the next set of fights...it’s the Alpha Cup. Everyone wants to be in this tournament, but only a selected few outsiders made it in. Those outsiders are who I want to feast on. Not on this rotted AWE scum. The real competition. So while everyone else is wasting away in the Paramount Division, I’ll be on the right path. If the MVP of AWE doesn’t care about your tournament, why even bother being in it? That’s as good as reason as any to focus on the Alpha Cup.”
“And while everyone gets so focused on winning and losing, calling my loss against Cyrus as detrimental to my career, I’ll be focused on tearing and clawing my way for the Alpha Cup. All I really have to do to enter the nest of success is beat Colgate Carnage. And if you don’t know who he is, like myself, I’ll just add the only tidbit I know. He’s already a failure. Like Cyrus, he got a silver spoon by walking into a golden opportunity and he got dumped on his ass for his efforts. That’s the person I’m going to be wrestling against next?”
“Brings me back to my point earlier, about carrying AWE. Carnage, you’re catching me on a bad weak admittedly and I apologize for that...I guess. Because I’m just really in a bad mood. Everyone’s talking about my loss to Riddle like it means anything and they ignore the fact that I’m Atlas and AWE is my sphere. You’re just another paper weight added onto the pile. The sole purpose of your being is to get destroyed by me in the ring. I’d almost say I pitied you and would ask you at what point do you just pack it in and give up...but one look at you...and you’ve already given up.”
“My purpose though...what’s my purpose? Well, Colgate, it’s to fucking destroy everyone in AWE and the force holding me down. I’ll carry AWE to the ends of the Earth if I have to, but I’m not letting anyone stop me! Not you or anyone else. When I come across the person who has screwed me over, I’ll be at peace, but until then? I’m on a warpath. Everyone is a target. I have no friends...all I have are enemies.”
“And my purpose will not be denied.”