Post by Anastasia Hayden on Jan 6, 2017 3:12:45 GMT -5
I don't know what to say
You're pulling at me in the brain
You lie every single day
In the gym, Anastasia was running on the treadmill. She kept it at a high level, one that was maintainable for her. Massacre was just a few days away and she was still feeling the lingering effects of her concussion. But she wasn’t going to let that slow her down. Not with the Alpha Cup and a title match in #FSociety in her future. The pain was secondary. Of course, the worry over any long term brain damage wasn’t important. Ana didn’t care for the future; only for the current.
She kept pushing herself harder and harder in the gym. Her body couldn’t break down. Going back to a normal day job meant giving up. To her, stepping away from wrestling was the same as dying. It was all she had. Her body hated her for it, but she couldn’t stop now. It could scream at her all it wanted, but she’d never pay attention to it. Not until it was too late.
But it’s not like she was worried. Ana didn’t know what life after wrestling was. That looming dreadful reality had to be pushed back for a later date. In a way, doing enough damage to her mind and body would almost be doing herself a favor. So she wouldn’t have to worry about a life after wrestling. For now, it’d just be AWE and #FSociety. It’d be working out for the Alpha Cup and focusing on who was next.
Running harder and harder on the treadmill, she wanted to vomit. She felt sick. But she kept pushing herself, nearly to the point of collapsing. At that point, she slowed the machine down until coming to an eventual stop. Drenched in sweat, she had to use the side of the treadmill to keep herself steady. Her legs were weak and the room was starting to spin. The sickness came in waves, the added throbbing of her head didn’t help with anything.
“I need a beer…”
She muttered under her breath. Another piece of advice she chose to ignore. Her drinking habits hadn’t changed. Maybe one or two less, but Ana made sure to have a six pack every time she got into a hotel or Airbnb. Old habits die hard and Ana would rather die than give up that. Her dependence was only getting worse, but she didn’t recognize the problem. Not like she ever did. All she thought about was wrestling.
Not about family.
Friends.
Herself.
All just a blur. Wrestling was the only right thing. And she was willing to step over anyone to further herself. She was willing to put her body through endless suffering to make ends meet. Dying in the ring would become a very real possibility for Ana if she kept on. And honestly, that’s what she looked forward to. Going out a tragic hero. To become another cliche in the halls of wrestling. That’s what she always wanted.
Of course, there was no one around to celebrate the tale. She’d die alone. No one would care about the story of Anastasia Hayden. The truth was she’d be lucky to even be a footnote in some history book. All of her effort and sacrifices would be worthless. All the bridges burnt, all the lost time; completely worthless. And she didn’t care. The sooner it was over, the better. Death.
A hard blink brought Ana back to reality, still using the treadmill to keep her steady. The thoughts of death were ones she pushed away. At least, that’s what she thought. Now wasn’t the time for their return. She couldn’t show any weakness. She couldn’t feel it. It served as one more challenge she’d have to overcome. One more hardship that she created for herself and now had to face.
It was a new year. And nothing had changed for Anastasia Hayden.
“Back in AWE. Back in AWE after I was wrongly convicted of a crime I never committed. I was put in handcuffs and put into a squad car in front of the entire backstage area. This was after I put my BODY on the line for this company. Everyone’s seen my head bounce off the concrete and everyone’s seen my mugshot too. Two for one and I hated them both. But that’s fine. If AWE wants to give me another chip on my shoulder, that’s fine. Just don’t come trying to arrest me again when I put your roster out of fucking commission.”
“All the chatter’s been about how I’ve barely made it through this Alpha Cup tournament. That I’m ‘lucky’ to be in the position I’m in. Well, I don’t think suffering a concussion makes me all that lucky, but there’s no doubt about it that I deserve to be in this tournament. The last edition of Massacre was a fluke. I advanced, yeah, but I would’ve done so with or without Owen’s little outside help. Is there anyone in AWE who actually thinks I would’ve lost to Owen Salvo? Of course not. He never stood a chance against me.”
“Everyone that’s been lined up against me in this tournament has been destroyed by me. Hell, even people I’ve not even faced in this tournament! Look at Cyrus Riddle! He beat me, but look at the damage I caused in our match. I might have been knocked out of the Paramount tournament because of him, but I knocked him out of the fucking company. Good riddance too. And let that serve an example to anyone else who gets a bit too cocky about beating me. You could end up the next Cyrus Riddle! And trust me...no one wants that.”
“Now I’m another show closer to getting what I deserve. The Alpha Cup. The finals are almost here and I’m one step closer. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Winning and losing doesn’t matter to me, but in this tournament...my purpose goes beyond winning. I just wanted to keep climbing through the ranks of this bracket to embarrass a new opponent, but now? With everything that happened last Massacre? I want to embarrass this entire company. Anastasia Hayden will expose AWE for the pathetic cowards they are. You don’t treat your MVP like they do.”
“See, I’m the hardest working wrestler alive today .I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it until everyone realizes it’s the truth. I won my match in #FSociety, came to AWE, won my match here, got a concussion, got arrested, and I’m back, ready for more. It’s just common sense that no one does as much for AWE as me. I’m literally putting my health on the line! And that’s one of the many reasons I’m better than everyone here. Especially better than Hanzo Kirigaya.”
“I’ve got some masked nerd trying to go at me now. Admittedly, when I said I was interested in climbing up through the brackets and facing one challenging opponent after the next...Hanzo wasn’t what I had in mind. Am I really having to deal with some underdog story all over again? I’m not ready to deal with that bullshit again, but I guess you’re pretty different from Owen, yeah? I mean, in the sense that while you’re both losers, at least you’re the least loser-ish of the two. It’s not much, but if I were you, I’d take it.”
“Unfortunately for you, Hanzo, you don’t have many options. And if that wasn’t bad enough, you now have the displeasure of facing me after my shitty end in December. I don’t have anything against you...simply because you don’t really do anything for me, Hanzo. Sure, you’re just an obstacle preventing me from the semi-finals, but honestly? Calling you an obstacle is too generous. You’re just...there. Waiting for me to come through and put your miserable existence to rest. It’s that simple, Hanzo, you’re not worth my time. The only interesting thing about you is a lie.”
“Calling yourself ‘The Dragon’...that’s cute. But you’ve shown nothing to liken yourself to a dragon. You’re a fucking failure, Hanzo. Me? I’ve shown that I’m a warrior. A gladiator. I’ll enter the arena against the big bad dragon and I’ll walk away covered in your blood, holding your head for the audience to cheer for. You’re not meant to do anything here in the Alpha Cup tournament, Hanzo. You’re just a temporary problem for me. And would you look at that? Another problem I have to fix for AWE. I wonder if I’ll be locked up again after my match this week or not.”
“But if I am...I can only assume it’ll be for your murder. Just going to be a really fucking bad week for you. And I know how your story goes. You’ll pull out the honorable warrior schtick and then I fucking beat you. I embarrass you, Hanzo. I make sure look like an even bigger fool than you already are. Then you move on and keep spewing the same honorable garbage because you...like everyone else in AWE...are complacent. Content with being the same. Oh, it’s horribly sad, but here we are.”
“If everyone else here in AWE wants to be weak and complacent...then I’ll let them. I’ve seen how weak they really are. They’re afraid of me. And rightly so. They’ll smile at you like submissive dogs and stab you in the back the next minute. Anyone else would’ve just left, but I’m not a coward. I’m not a coward who takes the knife and lays down dead. I’ll get my revenge. I’ll put on a show AWE will never fucking forget. I made an exception for the weak before I made my debut, but no longer.”
“At Massacre, I’m taking everyone down who tries to get in my way. Hanzo, the referee, any backstage worker...I don’t care. I’ve carried this company for far too long to be treated the way I am. I’ll be the Alpha Cup winner, I’ll keep being the MVP of AWE, and soon enough...I’ll own this place. Don’t you see, Hanzo? They tried stopping me before with the police. But I’m free. There wasn’t any blood on my hands when I left Massacre last month...but...hey…”
“It’s a new year.”