Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2017 14:49:34 GMT -5
Voice Over: “Austin Gale once complained that modern Professional Wrestling has gotten away from its roots. He said he missed the “old days” when wrestlers would rant and draw attention from opponents, sometimes drawing them to the ring. He claimed that now, wrestlers email each other, and are frustrated by the lack of response.”
“We say: That’s happened before? How can you use wrestler voice on the internet?”
“Now, one man, one perfectly chiselled man with smooth skin and just enough muscle to make him look fierce, but not like he’s trying to hard, Dare Clemmens, will remedy that.”
“This is… The 1980’s promo.”
“We will need a few things…”
“First for an arena to appear… It’s a beautiful, but spartan ring in the middle of rows of chairs facing each of the four sides. Lights flash on and boil down from the heavens, illuminating the ring.”
“Next we need a ring announcer… He does, right in the middle of the ring, he’s in a tuxedo and he has an old school chrome microphone which lowers from above.”
“Now the fans… There’s a flash and suddenly the arena is full of fans and a dull roar of conversation. These fans are all noticeably 1980’s. From waver hair to mullets, Levi’s 501’s to Crazy pants, each and every style is represented. There’s even a few narrow keyboard ties.”
“Finally, we need music. It should be that real American song, but we can’t go there, so we’ll have to settle for “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor. Suddenly, that very song booms.”
Announcer: And now, hailing from Philadelphia, PA, The Sexy Slugger, The Broadstreet Badboy, That Volcanic Explosion of Manliness… He is the one--the only...Dare Clemmens!
“Out he comes, in white underwear tights with old school stars sewn on. He’s wearing patent white boots, and up above, he’s got a huge cape on - it’s also shiny and white with the words “DARE” across the back in red lettering. On top of all that, he’s wearing a large fedora with a huge red feather sticking out on one side. He’s rocking huge sunglasses. Oh and as always, just the right amount of chest hair. Oh lets not forget how shiny and bronze his skin is. Looks nearly like a perfectly cooked hot dog.”
“He walks the entrance ramp and then the ring steps. He wipes the soles of his boots on the ring apron before stepping in through the ropes. He does a spin in the middle of the ring and comes to a stop as the ring announcer hands off the microphone to him.”
“It’s time to start hearing...Dare Clemmens.”
Dare Clemmens: You asked for this and you’re getting this. THE Dare Clemmens gracing the ring for all you fans to see. Drink it in.
“Dare flashes his free arm and flexes for the fans, who go crazy.”
Dare Clemmens: Tonight I’m here to address one man and one man alone. Austin Gale.
“The fans boo. The camera pans to show them. One man with a classy mullet and a members only jacket does that “fist yourself” hand gesture at the mere mention of the name.”
Dare Clemmens: Ah, you know him then! Well listen here… It seems to me that it seems to be that our little Austin Gale friend has a bit of a problem with reality. He thinks of himself as this major player in Alpha Wrestling, but have you taken a look at his ‘legacy’ thus far? His debut was against a guy named SOB-someone Gale referred to as an “African American thug” he considered to be a “development” talent from PAW. Austin Gale pointed this out and seemed offended to even be in the same ring with SOB. Then, Austin Gale proceeded to get tarred and feathered by SOB and took an L.
Dare Clemmens: Maybe it’s time to turn the music down? Anyway, you little Clemmenaholics, Gale then belittled the Champion, Zack Fantana, but was still ejected rather unceremoniously from the Battle Royal where we saw Fantana retain. Gale got lucky though after that. He faced Hunter Storms, a man still trying to discover his identity in this sport and was then handed an every easier victory against that Erron Wilder guy. After that though, he slammed once again into the wall that is our Resilience Champion, Zack Fantana. Again, this happened after Gale declared himself greater than the Champion. Oh and should we even mention that Austin Gale was dispatched once more by Dominic Lawson?
“The fans whoop at this. Loving this magnificent specimen who is The Humbler Of Opponents, The One The Ladies Love, and of course, the The One The Seagulls Flock To… Dare Clemmens.”
Dare Clemmens: Seriously little Brothers and Sisters, I don’t know why that song keep playing. Just try to ignore it and I’ll keep speaking in my super loud wrestler voice to ensure you can hear me! Now, what have we learned about Austin Gale? We’ve learned that he’s superficial. Furthermore, he’s shallow in everything he does. When he looks in the mirror he’s shallow. When he analyzes the world around him, he comes up with a shallow impression of it. Shallow in every way, shape, and form. He cannot look at the big picture and even if he could, it’s full of hand puppets thanks to his weird/socially awkward friend, Adam Wolfe.
Dare Clemmens: Seriously, sound booth? Eh, here’s the crux with this Austin Gale deal. You, Austin Gale, you don’t belong in the ring with Zack Fantana, Bindy Trent, or Dare Clemmens, and when the time comes, we’re going to prove it. You’ve chosen a ladder far too difficult to climb.
“Dare lets go of the microphone as the fans leave their seats to cheer him. He exits the ring and heads up the ring ramp slapping the hands of his adoring fans as he goes.”
“Dare disappears through the entrance and immediately there’s a flash--the fans disappear. Another flash and the lights are out except for one, illuminating a janitor sweeping the old abandoned ring.”
END.
“We say: That’s happened before? How can you use wrestler voice on the internet?”
“Now, one man, one perfectly chiselled man with smooth skin and just enough muscle to make him look fierce, but not like he’s trying to hard, Dare Clemmens, will remedy that.”
“This is… The 1980’s promo.”
“We will need a few things…”
“First for an arena to appear… It’s a beautiful, but spartan ring in the middle of rows of chairs facing each of the four sides. Lights flash on and boil down from the heavens, illuminating the ring.”
“Next we need a ring announcer… He does, right in the middle of the ring, he’s in a tuxedo and he has an old school chrome microphone which lowers from above.”
“Now the fans… There’s a flash and suddenly the arena is full of fans and a dull roar of conversation. These fans are all noticeably 1980’s. From waver hair to mullets, Levi’s 501’s to Crazy pants, each and every style is represented. There’s even a few narrow keyboard ties.”
“Finally, we need music. It should be that real American song, but we can’t go there, so we’ll have to settle for “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor. Suddenly, that very song booms.”
Announcer: And now, hailing from Philadelphia, PA, The Sexy Slugger, The Broadstreet Badboy, That Volcanic Explosion of Manliness… He is the one--the only...Dare Clemmens!
“Out he comes, in white underwear tights with old school stars sewn on. He’s wearing patent white boots, and up above, he’s got a huge cape on - it’s also shiny and white with the words “DARE” across the back in red lettering. On top of all that, he’s wearing a large fedora with a huge red feather sticking out on one side. He’s rocking huge sunglasses. Oh and as always, just the right amount of chest hair. Oh lets not forget how shiny and bronze his skin is. Looks nearly like a perfectly cooked hot dog.”
“He walks the entrance ramp and then the ring steps. He wipes the soles of his boots on the ring apron before stepping in through the ropes. He does a spin in the middle of the ring and comes to a stop as the ring announcer hands off the microphone to him.”
“It’s time to start hearing...Dare Clemmens.”
Dare Clemmens: You asked for this and you’re getting this. THE Dare Clemmens gracing the ring for all you fans to see. Drink it in.
“Dare flashes his free arm and flexes for the fans, who go crazy.”
Dare Clemmens: Tonight I’m here to address one man and one man alone. Austin Gale.
“The fans boo. The camera pans to show them. One man with a classy mullet and a members only jacket does that “fist yourself” hand gesture at the mere mention of the name.”
Dare Clemmens: Ah, you know him then! Well listen here… It seems to me that it seems to be that our little Austin Gale friend has a bit of a problem with reality. He thinks of himself as this major player in Alpha Wrestling, but have you taken a look at his ‘legacy’ thus far? His debut was against a guy named SOB-someone Gale referred to as an “African American thug” he considered to be a “development” talent from PAW. Austin Gale pointed this out and seemed offended to even be in the same ring with SOB. Then, Austin Gale proceeded to get tarred and feathered by SOB and took an L.
Dare Clemmens: Maybe it’s time to turn the music down? Anyway, you little Clemmenaholics, Gale then belittled the Champion, Zack Fantana, but was still ejected rather unceremoniously from the Battle Royal where we saw Fantana retain. Gale got lucky though after that. He faced Hunter Storms, a man still trying to discover his identity in this sport and was then handed an every easier victory against that Erron Wilder guy. After that though, he slammed once again into the wall that is our Resilience Champion, Zack Fantana. Again, this happened after Gale declared himself greater than the Champion. Oh and should we even mention that Austin Gale was dispatched once more by Dominic Lawson?
“The fans whoop at this. Loving this magnificent specimen who is The Humbler Of Opponents, The One The Ladies Love, and of course, the The One The Seagulls Flock To… Dare Clemmens.”
Dare Clemmens: Seriously little Brothers and Sisters, I don’t know why that song keep playing. Just try to ignore it and I’ll keep speaking in my super loud wrestler voice to ensure you can hear me! Now, what have we learned about Austin Gale? We’ve learned that he’s superficial. Furthermore, he’s shallow in everything he does. When he looks in the mirror he’s shallow. When he analyzes the world around him, he comes up with a shallow impression of it. Shallow in every way, shape, and form. He cannot look at the big picture and even if he could, it’s full of hand puppets thanks to his weird/socially awkward friend, Adam Wolfe.
Dare Clemmens: Seriously, sound booth? Eh, here’s the crux with this Austin Gale deal. You, Austin Gale, you don’t belong in the ring with Zack Fantana, Bindy Trent, or Dare Clemmens, and when the time comes, we’re going to prove it. You’ve chosen a ladder far too difficult to climb.
“Dare lets go of the microphone as the fans leave their seats to cheer him. He exits the ring and heads up the ring ramp slapping the hands of his adoring fans as he goes.”
“Dare disappears through the entrance and immediately there’s a flash--the fans disappear. Another flash and the lights are out except for one, illuminating a janitor sweeping the old abandoned ring.”
END.