Post by Anastasia Hayden on Feb 2, 2017 3:52:31 GMT -5
White knuckle, you made it stop
Your heart is hard as a rock
Criminal image of you
“You're leaving?”
“Yes Allie, but can we not do this right now?”
“Are you kidding me, Ana? You...you come all the way out here for mom...and you’re just leaving?”
“It’s...it’s not like that. Look, I’m going out to wrestle and then I’m on the first flight back here. It’s only going to be for a few days. That's what I did last time. I wrestled, once I got your call, I came out here immediately...”
But the excuse didn’t help ease Allie’s temper toward her sister. Anastasia leaned back against the vending machine, her head down and looking at her feet, trying to do anything to avoid the harsh glare from Allie. She didn’t know when the best time to drop the news was, but this certainly wasn’t it; Ana had just run out of time. A rash strategy without a plan, her life in a nutshell.
“Alright, fine. Whatever. That’s fine, Ana. I’ll stay here with mom and you go do whatever. Just like I’ve done for the past ten years.”
“That’s not fair…”
“Oh? That’s not fair? I'm so sorry. Tell me, Ana, what is your definition of ‘fair’? Leaving your family behind and dropping into our lives maybe once or twice a year? The only way I even see you nowadays is by looking your clips up on YouTube.”
Ana looked up, trying to butt in, but Allie wouldn’t let her. Anger coursed through Allie’s system and when Ana’s eyes met with her, she truly understood the rage.
“And the first thing I see before Christmas...is your head bouncing off the concrete. Merry Christmas to me, right? Thank God mom and dad barely know how to use their phones.”
And a shot like that killed any chance of butting in. The image of her skull hitting the concrete replaying in her mind. The lengths she went for the Alpha Cup. The same cup that was one of the reasons she was leaving North Dakota. Ana hung her head again, trying to remain as calm as she could; fighting back the urge to cry and give in. But she had to act tough. Or faux tough. Even if her sister was completely right. At her very core, Anastasia’s a coward and she knew it. Always running from fear as any attempt at “fighting” is met with more retreating.
This was still true. The feeling of being back in North Dakota was starting to settle within her and crush her every night. When Bryan would go to sleep in their hotel, Ana would stay wide awake as she felt her skin crawl. Every night and every day spent in North Dakota, she was on edge. But besides fear, she felt guilty. A well deserved feeling.
A simple phone call to AWE management as well as #FSociety, she could take all the time off as needed, but she didn’t want to. She wanted to be with her mother, but she couldn’t be that close to home anymore. Not without putting a selfish break in between it. She could miss Executive Action and Anarchy, but she wouldn’t. Anastasia needed another escape. And fast.
“Look at me, Ana.”
But she didn’t.
“I said, look at me.”
It took Allie aggressively grabbing onto Ana’s shoulders that forced her to look up at her sister.
“If you go...don’t come back. All those years, I was content with you coming and going whenever...but you’re leaving now? You’re leaving right now, Anastasia?”
There was no right answer. No right response. There was nothing Anastasia could say to her sister that would make anything easier. Instead, Ana rolled her shoulders to free herself from her sister’s grasp and simply looked her straight in the eye. Deep inside of her, Ana mustered up whatever courage she had to face her sister.
“Fine.”
“One more fight. One more fight. Every time I step into the gym, every morning I wake up, I’m reminded that I’m just one more fight away from achieving the goal I set last year. The Alpha Cup is in front of me and I won’t be denied my purpose of obtaining it. At the last Massacre, I’d say I had the fight of my life, but every match seems to be that. Literally and figuratively. I was spared a concussion against Caroline, but it certainly wasn’t an ‘easy’ fight for me. But I’m not here to air out my grievances.”
“In two months, ever since the start of this tournament, I’ve put my body through more suffering than most of these ‘wrestlers’ do in their entire careers. I had a concussion and against my doctor’s orders, I fought through it. I did it out of spite for AWE. Because when I was at my weakest, they brought me down even further. And that’s fine. That’s really fine because I’m just a match away from holding their precious Alpha Cup above my head. Remember, when I say I’m going to accomplish it...I follow through on my promise. I don’t talk shit like everyone else in AWE.”
“I promised I was going to end my feud with Caroline O’Hara Burchill...and I did it. I stomped her into the ground like the worthless rat that she is. There was no sneak attack or added motivation, I went out there, I fought Caroline, and I put an end to it. That just means I’ve got one more thing to accomplish, right? Of course. I set out to embarrass this company after they embarrassed me and I’m going to accomplish that.”
“But if you’re smart, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that I’m here in the Alpha Cup finals. The MVP of AWE and the hardest working wrestler alive doesn’t surprise. I live up to my expectations, I don’t ‘exceed’ anything. The peak of the mountain is my expectation, anything less is a failure. And that’s a failure that James Radford needs to get accustomed to before our match starts. The surprise of the match would be him managing to put me down. But I shouldn’t discredit, James, right? After all, he’s made a name for himself throughout the Paramount division.”
“Unfortunately for him, that’s worthless to me. While I was crawling, bleeding, and fighting for my spot in the finals...Radford was being gifted victory after victory. And now that he got the win over Zack Fantana, everyone wants to go ahead and gift him another victory, this time the Alpha Cup. But I don’t care who you’ve beaten to get here, James. I don’t care if your only legitimate victory in this tournament was against the Resilience Champion. If I’ve learned anything from my past experiences, being a champion doesn’t mean anything unless you’ve faced the best. And Fantana hasn’t faced me. Stoker hasn’t faced me. So as far as I’m concerned, they’re both worthless.”
“Just like you, James. Worthless. For the entirety of the tournament, I wanted a fight. And while I had to fight to get here...I never got the fight I wanted. The finals was meant to fix that and yet, here we are, James, you and me. But it’s not fair to blame you, is it? If anything, I should blame myself for believing that AWE would be able to give me that fight. Because the truth is that there’s no one in AWE as good as me. The only person who beat me? Gone. Your losing legacy? Still here.”
“Sure, I could say we both got knocked out of contention for the Paramount Championship, but you know my story, I’m not interested in championships. Losing in the first round was a gift. But for you, James? You seem like a real prideful type. The type who wants to go out and be the absolute best little cowboy they can be and that’s fine. And becoming the Paramount Champion would’ve meant a lot to you I bet. Just like winning the Alpha Cup. But just like the Paramount tournament, you’re going to collapse. You’re not the main character in this Western, James. You’re the side character who lives, but gets no glory. Because you haven’t earned it and you never will.”
“And I don’t care what bullshit you have to say. There’s no honor in losing. Only disgrace. I’m not interested in formalities or respect. I’m not interested in winning the Alpha Cup like you are, I’m interested in the message behind it. And that message doesn’t exist for you. That message doesn’t exist because at the end of the day, you’re a coward. Your life has to be managed. And I don’t care if you lock away Benson in a dungeon, it doesn’t change a thing. You’re a fucking coward, James Radford. And cowardly cowboys never make it. You get a chance at glory one last time...and I’ll make sure it’s your last time.”
“At Executive Action, we’ll meet and I’m sure you’ll put up your absolute best fight. Even if you’re not the hero in your own story, you’ll fight. But at the end, the wrestler in the black gear rises to the top. There’s no happy ending for you, James. There’s only me holding the worthless Alpha Cup over your battered, bruised, and hopefully bloodied body. I’ll put you beneath the ground if I have to. I’m winning that Alpha Cup, I’m winning this tournament. I will show the ignorant in AWE that I’m the best. All the ones who want to discredit my title as MVP will see their foolish ways. To be honest, James, you never stood a fucking chance.”
“The MVP of AWE will do whatever it takes to win. And she will win. I’m undefeated in 2017 and I’ll keep it that way. I’ll kill myself if I have to in order to become the Alpha Cup winner, James. What will you do? Because there’s nothing you can do to save yourself. But, hey, you’re a coward, right? I’m sure you’ll find a way. And if not? If you want to stand your ground and fight in my arena? Then I’ll welcome you with open arms.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll pick out the best looking coffin for the death of James Radford.”