Post by Zack Fantana on Mar 29, 2017 1:32:11 GMT -5
"Lawson vs. Fantana - a match-up that was once teased as a potential main event for the Resilience Championship, but I don't think I'd be out of line to say that the bloom is off the rose now. I'm going to put the onus on myself to fix that.
I've assembled the finest marketing team in the greater Minnehaha County area."
With a wave of the hand, Zack Fantana gestures towards his left and the camera pans over to the team members, each man wearing a polo shirt that is a vaguely different shade of blue from the last.
"These three men represent three of the top five marketing agencies in Minnehaha County."
There is a smattering of applause from the AWE crew in attendance.
"You might be asking yourself, 'How does Zack have that much pull in the Minnehaha County?' Well, I like to think that it's because I'm a nice guy who doesn't go around telling everybody 'fuck you'. That's no way to build a business relationship, Dom.
So boys, let me tell you what we've got here. His name's Dominic Lawson. Born and bred in Belfast, he currently resides in Boston. Calls himself 'The Law'. His theme song is 'I Fought The Law' by The Clash. You remember that one, Harold? You seem like you were probably a punk rock kinda guy back in your heyday."
The eldest man on the panel scratches his head and furrows his brow in deep contemplation. Harold doesn't remember.
"It doesn't matter. Look guys, I kinda feel like we're kindred spirits here. Much like yourselves, I, too, am a marketing machine, sometimes effortlessly. Hell, I haven't uttered the phrases 'Fantanasy' or 'Fantanarama' since I stepped foot in the AWE, but I still have folks parroting them for me. That's what they call brand saturation, Harold, my man.
So you want my opinion on the song? 'I fought the law and the law won.' It's fine. A little on the nose for my taste, but it works if Lawson is a winner. The problem is that that's not always the case for Dom. It's like, gee, buddy, you're really setting yourself up for failure there. Let's temper expectations a bit. Anyway, I guess what I'm looking for from you guys is another moniker, slogan, whatever, for my colleague Dom. Can you guys handle that?"
The three men look at one another and nod before huddling up to share some ideas. Zack returns his attention to the camera.
"Dom, I know a self-purported 'working class hero' such as yourself would likely turn your nose up at being branded by a marketing firm, but you must know that I'm doing this for your own good. It seems to me that you don't know who you want to be. Is it the working class hero who got robbed from an honest attempt at the Alpha Cup or is it the desperate brawler who has no qualms telling people he'll do whatever it takes to get to the top? It can't be both, even if you pretend it can.
One week, you're stating you won't be jumping on the 'crybabies bandwagon' after Bobby Benson clocked Kimitsu Zombie with his bullhorn and cost her an opportunity at the Alpha Cup. You virtually absolved Radford for winning in this fashion.
A couple of weeks later, you're not only on the bandwagon, you're driving it, telling everyone within earshot how you'd been robbed by that dastardly cowboy and his scumbag manager. The funny thing is that you'd probably be Bobby Benson's wet dream in a client. You've got the fiery temper that Benson wished Radford had, and your blue collar appeal and half-cocked catch phrases would be right up his alley.
Alas, it was not to be, although in another show you'd find yourself employing very similar tactics to those of Mr. Benson. Via distraction by one American Thomas, you secure a title shot in your match and you're telling my pupil Benny Stevens to stop crying about it.
I just wish you'd pick a lane, Lawson.
Marketability demands consistency. No one is gonna purchase something if they don't know what they're buying.
That's why I've got the Minnehaha dream team here, Dom. They're here to help."
Fantana turns back to his team, who have broken their huddle.
"Harold, why don't you tell us a little about yourself?"
"Ever heard of the X-Games?"
"Of course."
"I was the guy who abbreviated the word 'extreme' to the letter X."
He smiles smugly.
"Impressive. So what do you have for me, Harold?"
Harold mutters listlessly.
"The Bylaw."
"That means nothing to me, Harold."
"You've been hit... BY THE BYLAW!"
Zack has to take a step back after the outburst.
"Wow. I've gotta say, I still don't know what it means, but the pizzazz you put into it makes me think we've got something here. Maybe you could trick people into thinking it has a dual meaning, like, 'It's over. B-Y-E-Law.' I dig it."
Fantana fist-bumps Harold before taking a step forward.
"Next up is Denny. We heard about Harold's career, so what's your claim to fame?"
"Knight, Knight."
Fantana blinks twice before moving down the line to the next marketing manager. Denny was clearly the one from the fifth best agency in Minnehaha County.
"Bryce, you're up. What are you known for?"
"You know the Champax jingle?"
"Of course. Everybody knows the Champax jingle."
Zack clears his throat.
"You gotta do great,
so you're gonna do great!
And when you gotta do great
you're gonna gonna do GREAT!
With CHAMMMMPAAAAXXX!"
Bryce is beaming with pride as Zack finishes up his falsetto version of the jingle.
"I helped pen that second line."
"Holy shit. We have a legend in our midst."
Fantana gives Bryce a firm handshake and a pat on the back, to which Denny rolls his eyes.
"A guy like you could really give Dom Lawson's career some direction, so I've gotta know, what do you got?"
"You said to temper expectations, so how about Dominic 'Win some and Lawst some' Lawson? You know, 'lost' with a Boston accent."
Bryce waits with baited breath as Zack mulls this whole thing over.
"With a moniker like that, this match is gonna sell out the Denny Sanford Premier Center on its own."
I've assembled the finest marketing team in the greater Minnehaha County area."
With a wave of the hand, Zack Fantana gestures towards his left and the camera pans over to the team members, each man wearing a polo shirt that is a vaguely different shade of blue from the last.
"These three men represent three of the top five marketing agencies in Minnehaha County."
There is a smattering of applause from the AWE crew in attendance.
"You might be asking yourself, 'How does Zack have that much pull in the Minnehaha County?' Well, I like to think that it's because I'm a nice guy who doesn't go around telling everybody 'fuck you'. That's no way to build a business relationship, Dom.
So boys, let me tell you what we've got here. His name's Dominic Lawson. Born and bred in Belfast, he currently resides in Boston. Calls himself 'The Law'. His theme song is 'I Fought The Law' by The Clash. You remember that one, Harold? You seem like you were probably a punk rock kinda guy back in your heyday."
The eldest man on the panel scratches his head and furrows his brow in deep contemplation. Harold doesn't remember.
"It doesn't matter. Look guys, I kinda feel like we're kindred spirits here. Much like yourselves, I, too, am a marketing machine, sometimes effortlessly. Hell, I haven't uttered the phrases 'Fantanasy' or 'Fantanarama' since I stepped foot in the AWE, but I still have folks parroting them for me. That's what they call brand saturation, Harold, my man.
So you want my opinion on the song? 'I fought the law and the law won.' It's fine. A little on the nose for my taste, but it works if Lawson is a winner. The problem is that that's not always the case for Dom. It's like, gee, buddy, you're really setting yourself up for failure there. Let's temper expectations a bit. Anyway, I guess what I'm looking for from you guys is another moniker, slogan, whatever, for my colleague Dom. Can you guys handle that?"
The three men look at one another and nod before huddling up to share some ideas. Zack returns his attention to the camera.
"Dom, I know a self-purported 'working class hero' such as yourself would likely turn your nose up at being branded by a marketing firm, but you must know that I'm doing this for your own good. It seems to me that you don't know who you want to be. Is it the working class hero who got robbed from an honest attempt at the Alpha Cup or is it the desperate brawler who has no qualms telling people he'll do whatever it takes to get to the top? It can't be both, even if you pretend it can.
One week, you're stating you won't be jumping on the 'crybabies bandwagon' after Bobby Benson clocked Kimitsu Zombie with his bullhorn and cost her an opportunity at the Alpha Cup. You virtually absolved Radford for winning in this fashion.
A couple of weeks later, you're not only on the bandwagon, you're driving it, telling everyone within earshot how you'd been robbed by that dastardly cowboy and his scumbag manager. The funny thing is that you'd probably be Bobby Benson's wet dream in a client. You've got the fiery temper that Benson wished Radford had, and your blue collar appeal and half-cocked catch phrases would be right up his alley.
Alas, it was not to be, although in another show you'd find yourself employing very similar tactics to those of Mr. Benson. Via distraction by one American Thomas, you secure a title shot in your match and you're telling my pupil Benny Stevens to stop crying about it.
I just wish you'd pick a lane, Lawson.
Marketability demands consistency. No one is gonna purchase something if they don't know what they're buying.
That's why I've got the Minnehaha dream team here, Dom. They're here to help."
Fantana turns back to his team, who have broken their huddle.
"Harold, why don't you tell us a little about yourself?"
"Ever heard of the X-Games?"
"Of course."
"I was the guy who abbreviated the word 'extreme' to the letter X."
He smiles smugly.
"Impressive. So what do you have for me, Harold?"
Harold mutters listlessly.
"The Bylaw."
"That means nothing to me, Harold."
"You've been hit... BY THE BYLAW!"
Zack has to take a step back after the outburst.
"Wow. I've gotta say, I still don't know what it means, but the pizzazz you put into it makes me think we've got something here. Maybe you could trick people into thinking it has a dual meaning, like, 'It's over. B-Y-E-Law.' I dig it."
Fantana fist-bumps Harold before taking a step forward.
"Next up is Denny. We heard about Harold's career, so what's your claim to fame?"
"Knight, Knight."
Fantana blinks twice before moving down the line to the next marketing manager. Denny was clearly the one from the fifth best agency in Minnehaha County.
"Bryce, you're up. What are you known for?"
"You know the Champax jingle?"
"Of course. Everybody knows the Champax jingle."
Zack clears his throat.
"You gotta do great,
so you're gonna do great!
And when you gotta do great
you're gonna gonna do GREAT!
With CHAMMMMPAAAAXXX!"
Bryce is beaming with pride as Zack finishes up his falsetto version of the jingle.
"I helped pen that second line."
"Holy shit. We have a legend in our midst."
Fantana gives Bryce a firm handshake and a pat on the back, to which Denny rolls his eyes.
"A guy like you could really give Dom Lawson's career some direction, so I've gotta know, what do you got?"
"You said to temper expectations, so how about Dominic 'Win some and Lawst some' Lawson? You know, 'lost' with a Boston accent."
Bryce waits with baited breath as Zack mulls this whole thing over.
"With a moniker like that, this match is gonna sell out the Denny Sanford Premier Center on its own."