Post by Colgate Carnage on Nov 14, 2016 23:13:35 GMT -5
We open to find the most attractive looking woman you’ve ever seen in your life, naked in bed with a white bed sheet barely covering her in a way that makes sure the video won’t be violating Youtube’s nudity guidelines. Scratch that. Think the hottest woman you’ve ever seen – this is her hotter sister who just got back from college. Alright, so, the camera moves across to catch a glimpse of Colgate Carnage’s rock hard butt as he’s covering himself in a lacy pink evening gown.
“Hey guys, it’s me again, Colgate Carnage.”
He turns to face the camera, walking across the room to look out the sliding door which opens to a balcony. With one arm rested up high, Colgate stares out the window with a determined look straight out of a Creed music video.
“Not the most opportune time to be cutting a promo but when inspiration strikes a man needs to take it. I talked about how Zack Fantana was a benchmark last time and it got me thinking… It got me thinking that if I’m thinking that then maybe everyone else is thinking that? Don’t ya think? Let me clarify. Every dog has his day.”
Colgate stares confused into the camera momentarily.
“No, hold up. I mean, everyone from the Resilience division is in this match. So everyone is going to be gunning for Zack because they think he’s the best but he might not be the best that night. We’ve had one show so far and he won two matches on it so bravo to him, it’s an accomplishment well deserved although it’s early days. He could be but if he’s not, all these people could be too focused on him and then their plans go to shit once he gets eliminated early. They won’t be able to see the forest through the trees, so to speak.”
“See the forest for the trees.”
“Huh?”
“The saying, it’s see the forest for the trees. Not through the trees.”
The gorgeous Miranda is willing to overlook certain things about Colgate’s interlect as she rolls back over and closes her eyes, trying to sleep despite there obviously being a camera man filming her lover in the apartment.
“Thanks babe. I don’t get it but thanks, go back to sleep though. My point being is that it could be anyone’s time to shine. Austin Gale, Trinity Jones and Sinister Minister are all badass mother fuckers who could take this thing. Benny Stevens could too but I think he’s going to be too focused on what Fantana is doing to see Carman Cambridge coming up behind him to toss him out the ring. SOB’s going to be too focused on narrowing down which cracker he’s going to eliminate last based on who’s got the deepest tan to figure out he’s living in a post-Trump world. Sup dawg?”
“See what I’m getting at. The benchmark is bullshit and if any of you think you can get away with only focusing on a champion who doesn’t hold a belt then you’re in for a shock. Especially when Kimitsu Zombie dumps you out of the ring to stop you from getting what’s yours.”
Colgate does the Dr. Evil signature “air quotes” for “what yours.”
“What you did in a UWA, BFW, ICW, BLWF, GWEWC, FEW, GEW, Redefine or some low budget Miles Blake promotion mean nothing when that buzzer sounds and you’re numbers up in the first ever Resilience Royal Rumble. You’ll be walking down that isle and squaring off with the man himself, Colgate Crusher, ready to throw out every preconceived notion you had of what being resilient meant the moment I put you on your back and dare you to rise to your feet once again.”
“I guess Billy Squier was right, if you’re in the game then the strokes the word. I won’t contribute to that. Come this Massacre, the only thing you lot will get from me is dumped out of the ring and one last glimpse of this award winning smile.”
Colgate flashes a toothy grin to the camera before it cute out.
“Hey guys, it’s me again, Colgate Carnage.”
He turns to face the camera, walking across the room to look out the sliding door which opens to a balcony. With one arm rested up high, Colgate stares out the window with a determined look straight out of a Creed music video.
“Not the most opportune time to be cutting a promo but when inspiration strikes a man needs to take it. I talked about how Zack Fantana was a benchmark last time and it got me thinking… It got me thinking that if I’m thinking that then maybe everyone else is thinking that? Don’t ya think? Let me clarify. Every dog has his day.”
Colgate stares confused into the camera momentarily.
“No, hold up. I mean, everyone from the Resilience division is in this match. So everyone is going to be gunning for Zack because they think he’s the best but he might not be the best that night. We’ve had one show so far and he won two matches on it so bravo to him, it’s an accomplishment well deserved although it’s early days. He could be but if he’s not, all these people could be too focused on him and then their plans go to shit once he gets eliminated early. They won’t be able to see the forest through the trees, so to speak.”
“See the forest for the trees.”
“Huh?”
“The saying, it’s see the forest for the trees. Not through the trees.”
The gorgeous Miranda is willing to overlook certain things about Colgate’s interlect as she rolls back over and closes her eyes, trying to sleep despite there obviously being a camera man filming her lover in the apartment.
“Thanks babe. I don’t get it but thanks, go back to sleep though. My point being is that it could be anyone’s time to shine. Austin Gale, Trinity Jones and Sinister Minister are all badass mother fuckers who could take this thing. Benny Stevens could too but I think he’s going to be too focused on what Fantana is doing to see Carman Cambridge coming up behind him to toss him out the ring. SOB’s going to be too focused on narrowing down which cracker he’s going to eliminate last based on who’s got the deepest tan to figure out he’s living in a post-Trump world. Sup dawg?”
“See what I’m getting at. The benchmark is bullshit and if any of you think you can get away with only focusing on a champion who doesn’t hold a belt then you’re in for a shock. Especially when Kimitsu Zombie dumps you out of the ring to stop you from getting what’s yours.”
Colgate does the Dr. Evil signature “air quotes” for “what yours.”
“What you did in a UWA, BFW, ICW, BLWF, GWEWC, FEW, GEW, Redefine or some low budget Miles Blake promotion mean nothing when that buzzer sounds and you’re numbers up in the first ever Resilience Royal Rumble. You’ll be walking down that isle and squaring off with the man himself, Colgate Crusher, ready to throw out every preconceived notion you had of what being resilient meant the moment I put you on your back and dare you to rise to your feet once again.”
“I guess Billy Squier was right, if you’re in the game then the strokes the word. I won’t contribute to that. Come this Massacre, the only thing you lot will get from me is dumped out of the ring and one last glimpse of this award winning smile.”
Colgate flashes a toothy grin to the camera before it cute out.