Post by Austin Gale on Nov 15, 2016 5:30:02 GMT -5
Vlogging. Austin hated the term. It sounded like a diary for the people who were to incompetent to write. But the world needed more Austin. They wanted more Austin. So Austin was what they would get. It really was a simple task. All you needed was a camera and a hint of personality then you could record yourself. Austin was loaded with personality. He was practically oozing with it. But why record yourself if you had the funds for a camera crew? He stared in the mirror as the styling crew put the final touches on his hair. Not that it would matter for long. Now, it was showtime.
Austin: “Ladies and gentlemen, thanks for tuning in to my first ever vlog. I know it’s been a week since you got to lay your eyes upon the wonder you see before you but wait no longer. I don’t know how often I will be doing these but I promise they will be frequent enough to satisfy your Austin Gale craving. I figured I would give you all a treat for the first vlog. As most of you know, children who grow up in rich families are generally forced to learn boring talents. Mine was not the clarinet or the piano. Mine, was acting. During my acting lessons I happened to excel at impressions. With those acting lessons and my money combined, I bring you the AWE roster.”
With a snap of his fingers, the camera cuts. Austin, now standing in the centre of the room, is wearing a pair of bright and colourful tights. His back to the camera, the word “Fantanasy” can be seen across the back of his tights. Arms spread wide, Austin slowly turns around. Clearly having had some makeup work done in the break, Austin looks like he is straight out of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. His eye has been covered while a fake one sits a few inches lower than his other.
Austin: “That is right, I am your Fantanasy, Zack Fantana. The paper champion of the Resilience Division. I mean paper champion in the literal sense as my belt is made out of cardboard. I just want to make all my Fantanas happy. I put on a show for you and what do I get in return? Nothing! Even my biggest fan, Benjamin Stevens. Ben, I wrote you but you still ain’t callin. I even left my home phone at the bottom. Get it? Those two are literally straight out of the lyrics of Stan by Eminem. And come on. Fantanasy? If you don’t get that eye fixed you’re just going to be my Fantanightmare. Seriously. I’ll hook you up with a good plast surgeon. And speaking of Benny Stevens.”
Another snap of his fingers and another camera cut. This time Austin is wearing a long blonde wig and a pink dress. He prances around the room before turning back to the camera.
Austin: “Now I know what you’re thinking. ‘Why are you dressed as Carmen? What does she have to do with Benny?’. Now I get they look alike but what the fuckity fuck, friendo? Clearly I’m dressed as the Vag Crushin’ Overlord. ‘But Austin, why are you wearing a dress if you’re dressed as Benny?’. Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit, tell me you didn’t just say that. Everyone knows The Dynasty was the Drag Queen of BFW. I’m loud and I’m PROUD whether you want me to suckity suck or get fuckity fucked. Now that you’re as uncomfortable as I was watching those tapes, onto the next one.”
This time clapping his hands together, Austin is instantly dressed as a tube of toothpaste. He looks down at himself as he is clearly as confused as everyone else. He claps again and is instantly wearing baggy clothes. His jeans hang down to his knees while his sweater covers up the space where his jeans should be. A large gold chain dangles around his neck as Austin holds a microphone to his mouth.
Austin: “Yo homies, it’s yo boy S to the O to the B. Fo shizzle, I ain’t happy ‘bout bein’ in the ring wit’ a bunch of crackas. But yo boy is bettin’ on winnin’ that title, ya heard? Ain’t no body stoppin’ my swag and when yo boy steps through those ropes, you know he’s walkin’ out as the champ, ya feel me?”
A quick snap of his fingers and Austin is back to wearing his shorts and unbuttoned shirt. Taking a seat seat in his office chair, Austin pours himself some scotch.
Austin: “I know that’s not all of the competitors in the match but I felt the need to address something. POS, you may have been lucky and pulled out a win last show but make no mistake, it won’t happen twice. Now, while that belt would look perfect around my waist and a win by yours truly would leave all the ladies wetting their seats, I do have a second goal. I’m going to be the one that single handedly eliminates your old ass from the match. Through hell and high water, that will happen. Now remember that, homie. Now for the rest of you watching at home, make sure to tune in to the next vlog as there are more surprises in store.”
Austin takes a sip of his scotch as the camera fades to black.
Austin: “Ladies and gentlemen, thanks for tuning in to my first ever vlog. I know it’s been a week since you got to lay your eyes upon the wonder you see before you but wait no longer. I don’t know how often I will be doing these but I promise they will be frequent enough to satisfy your Austin Gale craving. I figured I would give you all a treat for the first vlog. As most of you know, children who grow up in rich families are generally forced to learn boring talents. Mine was not the clarinet or the piano. Mine, was acting. During my acting lessons I happened to excel at impressions. With those acting lessons and my money combined, I bring you the AWE roster.”
With a snap of his fingers, the camera cuts. Austin, now standing in the centre of the room, is wearing a pair of bright and colourful tights. His back to the camera, the word “Fantanasy” can be seen across the back of his tights. Arms spread wide, Austin slowly turns around. Clearly having had some makeup work done in the break, Austin looks like he is straight out of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. His eye has been covered while a fake one sits a few inches lower than his other.
Austin: “That is right, I am your Fantanasy, Zack Fantana. The paper champion of the Resilience Division. I mean paper champion in the literal sense as my belt is made out of cardboard. I just want to make all my Fantanas happy. I put on a show for you and what do I get in return? Nothing! Even my biggest fan, Benjamin Stevens. Ben, I wrote you but you still ain’t callin. I even left my home phone at the bottom. Get it? Those two are literally straight out of the lyrics of Stan by Eminem. And come on. Fantanasy? If you don’t get that eye fixed you’re just going to be my Fantanightmare. Seriously. I’ll hook you up with a good plast surgeon. And speaking of Benny Stevens.”
Another snap of his fingers and another camera cut. This time Austin is wearing a long blonde wig and a pink dress. He prances around the room before turning back to the camera.
Austin: “Now I know what you’re thinking. ‘Why are you dressed as Carmen? What does she have to do with Benny?’. Now I get they look alike but what the fuckity fuck, friendo? Clearly I’m dressed as the Vag Crushin’ Overlord. ‘But Austin, why are you wearing a dress if you’re dressed as Benny?’. Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit, tell me you didn’t just say that. Everyone knows The Dynasty was the Drag Queen of BFW. I’m loud and I’m PROUD whether you want me to suckity suck or get fuckity fucked. Now that you’re as uncomfortable as I was watching those tapes, onto the next one.”
This time clapping his hands together, Austin is instantly dressed as a tube of toothpaste. He looks down at himself as he is clearly as confused as everyone else. He claps again and is instantly wearing baggy clothes. His jeans hang down to his knees while his sweater covers up the space where his jeans should be. A large gold chain dangles around his neck as Austin holds a microphone to his mouth.
Austin: “Yo homies, it’s yo boy S to the O to the B. Fo shizzle, I ain’t happy ‘bout bein’ in the ring wit’ a bunch of crackas. But yo boy is bettin’ on winnin’ that title, ya heard? Ain’t no body stoppin’ my swag and when yo boy steps through those ropes, you know he’s walkin’ out as the champ, ya feel me?”
A quick snap of his fingers and Austin is back to wearing his shorts and unbuttoned shirt. Taking a seat seat in his office chair, Austin pours himself some scotch.
Austin: “I know that’s not all of the competitors in the match but I felt the need to address something. POS, you may have been lucky and pulled out a win last show but make no mistake, it won’t happen twice. Now, while that belt would look perfect around my waist and a win by yours truly would leave all the ladies wetting their seats, I do have a second goal. I’m going to be the one that single handedly eliminates your old ass from the match. Through hell and high water, that will happen. Now remember that, homie. Now for the rest of you watching at home, make sure to tune in to the next vlog as there are more surprises in store.”
Austin takes a sip of his scotch as the camera fades to black.