Post by Austin Gale on Jan 17, 2017 18:40:15 GMT -5
A crowded street. Austin Gale hated walking among people of a social stature far beneath his own. Be he had to teach Fernando how to record on the move. He wasn’t even sure why he was keeping the Brazilian child around. Having already proved his lack of cognitive function, he shouldn’t have been hired in the first place.
Austin: “Okay Fernando, today’s task is recording while on the move. Do you understand what that means?”
Fernando: “Blowjob for me?”
What an imbecile.
Austin: “Are you trying to make that your catchphrase?”
Fernando: “Very much yes.”
Austin: “Well don’t. Press record and follow me.”
After fumbling around with the camera for a few moments, Fernando finally found the record button. Why did he even apply for the job in the first place? Austin would have to ask him that at some point.
Austin: “Dominic Lawson. Who the fuck are you? No, I’m not expecting an answer. Nor do I care to get one. I was purely thinking out loud. But I’m sure it’s a legitimate question that is asked by many audience members. You’re just some broke clown with a shitty accent who thinks he is a wrestler. You said something before the battle royal. Now, I’m a drinker. That’s a known fact. But let me see if my memory serves me well. You said something along the lines of “Austin is a rich, white boy with a bad attitude.”, correct? Was the goal to sound envious? Is that it? Your problem with me in particular is that I was ‘born with a silver spoon in my mouth’ while you live paycheck to paycheck? Probably out of the back of your car. Probably stopping at truck stop after truck stop to jerk off anyone willing to buy you a meal.”
Walking backwards, Austin runs into a little old lady. Before she can fall, he catches her and sets her up right.
Austin: “Sorry about that, sweetheart.”
Fernando: “Blowjob for me?”
The lady looked appalled. Were all Brazilians walking sexual harassment claims?
Austin: “Sorry about that ma’am. Fernando here is new to the country and appears to be using porn to learn the English language. Pay him no mind.”
The lady hits Fernando with her purse before continuing on her way. He looked confused even looking to Austin for help. Austin just blinks at him before turning around and continuing on his way.
Austin: “Fernando, if you’re going to learn how to speak you need to choose a better form of media. Try watching one of The Law’s promos. That guy goes from talking about his backstory to Brokeback Mountain to idolizing his opponent.”
Fernando: “Brokeback Mountain?”
Austin: “Nevermind. My point is, Lawson is scatter brained. When he was prepping for his match with Radford, he went off on this tangent about Billy Joe. The world was waiting for him to change from Billy Joe to Green Day to Avril Lavigne or some shit. Everything about this guy is as organized as a child’s toybox. Lawson is Irish but hails from Boston. Imagine that accent. He wears the hat of every stereotypical French character ever. He wears black combat boots even though every self respecting Irishman has lost their’s in a pub brawl. All he’s missing is an Italian moustache and an American level beer gut and he would be the fucking United Nations.”
Fernando: “And big butt like Brazilian girl?”
At some point Fernando had set the camera down and was now standing in front of it. He had escalated from walking sexual harassment claim to the number one aneurysm producer in all of North America.
Austin: “Fernando. Cameramen should not be seen. Children should not be heard. How do you manage to fuck up both every five minutes? Pick up the fucking camera and lets go.”
Austin rubs his hands down his face as Fernando has to run back and grab the camera. Maybe it was best that they just stood still for the rest of this.
Austin: “You’re right about one thing, Lawson. I do have a problem with my temper. We all have our flaws. Mine just happens to lead to kicking a broke old man’s ass. I know you’re not that old. Hell, I think my brother is older than you are. But you have this look to you like you’ve been getting your ass handed to you for the past 83 years. Maybe it’s time to hang up the boots. Become a delivery man or run a hot dog stand. You’re not getting any younger and wrestling clearly isn’t bringing in the money for you. But it’s best to make that decision before you get an injury that can’t get fixed with an ice pack and a Guinness. Maybe find some form of financial aid. But hey, it’s your life. You can spend the rest of your days in between the ropes being bitter that I’m wealthy but it doesn’t affect me. I’ll just go home and clean my wounds with a crisp hundred dollar bill. The choice is yours. And cut!”
Fernando freezes. You can tell the thought of cutting the camera crossed his mind. Instead, he sets it down gently and smiles.
Fernando: “Very nice. Camera much blurry.”
Austin: “Blurry?”
Austin eyes widened as the vein on the side of his head reappears. Grabbing the camera off the ground, Austin peels the piece of plastic off the lens that you normally remove from a new camera.
Austin: “The camera was new! Why didn’t you remove the fucking film?!”
Fernando: “If film removed, how does camera film?”
Austin can do nothing but blink and stare with his mouth hung open. 5’9 of pure stupidity stood in front of him and Austin was going to pay him for it. That is, if he didn’t just strangle him first. Fade to black.
Austin: “Okay Fernando, today’s task is recording while on the move. Do you understand what that means?”
Fernando: “Blowjob for me?”
What an imbecile.
Austin: “Are you trying to make that your catchphrase?”
Fernando: “Very much yes.”
Austin: “Well don’t. Press record and follow me.”
After fumbling around with the camera for a few moments, Fernando finally found the record button. Why did he even apply for the job in the first place? Austin would have to ask him that at some point.
Austin: “Dominic Lawson. Who the fuck are you? No, I’m not expecting an answer. Nor do I care to get one. I was purely thinking out loud. But I’m sure it’s a legitimate question that is asked by many audience members. You’re just some broke clown with a shitty accent who thinks he is a wrestler. You said something before the battle royal. Now, I’m a drinker. That’s a known fact. But let me see if my memory serves me well. You said something along the lines of “Austin is a rich, white boy with a bad attitude.”, correct? Was the goal to sound envious? Is that it? Your problem with me in particular is that I was ‘born with a silver spoon in my mouth’ while you live paycheck to paycheck? Probably out of the back of your car. Probably stopping at truck stop after truck stop to jerk off anyone willing to buy you a meal.”
Walking backwards, Austin runs into a little old lady. Before she can fall, he catches her and sets her up right.
Austin: “Sorry about that, sweetheart.”
Fernando: “Blowjob for me?”
The lady looked appalled. Were all Brazilians walking sexual harassment claims?
Austin: “Sorry about that ma’am. Fernando here is new to the country and appears to be using porn to learn the English language. Pay him no mind.”
The lady hits Fernando with her purse before continuing on her way. He looked confused even looking to Austin for help. Austin just blinks at him before turning around and continuing on his way.
Austin: “Fernando, if you’re going to learn how to speak you need to choose a better form of media. Try watching one of The Law’s promos. That guy goes from talking about his backstory to Brokeback Mountain to idolizing his opponent.”
Fernando: “Brokeback Mountain?”
Austin: “Nevermind. My point is, Lawson is scatter brained. When he was prepping for his match with Radford, he went off on this tangent about Billy Joe. The world was waiting for him to change from Billy Joe to Green Day to Avril Lavigne or some shit. Everything about this guy is as organized as a child’s toybox. Lawson is Irish but hails from Boston. Imagine that accent. He wears the hat of every stereotypical French character ever. He wears black combat boots even though every self respecting Irishman has lost their’s in a pub brawl. All he’s missing is an Italian moustache and an American level beer gut and he would be the fucking United Nations.”
Fernando: “And big butt like Brazilian girl?”
At some point Fernando had set the camera down and was now standing in front of it. He had escalated from walking sexual harassment claim to the number one aneurysm producer in all of North America.
Austin: “Fernando. Cameramen should not be seen. Children should not be heard. How do you manage to fuck up both every five minutes? Pick up the fucking camera and lets go.”
Austin rubs his hands down his face as Fernando has to run back and grab the camera. Maybe it was best that they just stood still for the rest of this.
Austin: “You’re right about one thing, Lawson. I do have a problem with my temper. We all have our flaws. Mine just happens to lead to kicking a broke old man’s ass. I know you’re not that old. Hell, I think my brother is older than you are. But you have this look to you like you’ve been getting your ass handed to you for the past 83 years. Maybe it’s time to hang up the boots. Become a delivery man or run a hot dog stand. You’re not getting any younger and wrestling clearly isn’t bringing in the money for you. But it’s best to make that decision before you get an injury that can’t get fixed with an ice pack and a Guinness. Maybe find some form of financial aid. But hey, it’s your life. You can spend the rest of your days in between the ropes being bitter that I’m wealthy but it doesn’t affect me. I’ll just go home and clean my wounds with a crisp hundred dollar bill. The choice is yours. And cut!”
Fernando freezes. You can tell the thought of cutting the camera crossed his mind. Instead, he sets it down gently and smiles.
Fernando: “Very nice. Camera much blurry.”
Austin: “Blurry?”
Austin eyes widened as the vein on the side of his head reappears. Grabbing the camera off the ground, Austin peels the piece of plastic off the lens that you normally remove from a new camera.
Austin: “The camera was new! Why didn’t you remove the fucking film?!”
Fernando: “If film removed, how does camera film?”
Austin can do nothing but blink and stare with his mouth hung open. 5’9 of pure stupidity stood in front of him and Austin was going to pay him for it. That is, if he didn’t just strangle him first. Fade to black.