Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2017 0:29:57 GMT -5
Voice Over: Now there simply aren’t enough promos shot from within the confines of a car, are there? Look, judge all you want, but at least this isn’t one of those “oh we find him in the dark room sitting in a chair” promos.
Or, god forbid, one of those “here he is throwing kicks and working out like a boss and here you are, ready to check out what he has to say” promos.
No. This is one hundred percent “driving down the road while being semi distracted by the camera on the dashboard” excellence.
Buckle up, you’ll be the only one.
Dare looks somewhat troubled as we zoom in on him. In Dare-speak “somewhat troubled” means that he’s probably just dealing with the concept that he’s up against an opponent who possesses a vocabulary beyond that of, well, that “Jones woman” as he calls her.
Dare was recently the recipient of a ridiculously easy win and now, with the reality sinking in that he is ‘to be’ a household name, well… He knows he’s officially about to occupy some large shoes.
“I think I might be sick,” Dare says, mostly to himself, “Just a tiny bit sick. I’ve seen some things I couldn’t predict. No one told me that I would be face to face with a creeper who would spend a portion of the evening trying to talk me into his car, outside that bar,” Dare shakes his head, “He offered me candy. Actually offered me candy. If not for a somewhat trained eye, I wouldn’t have recognized the markings on the “candy” to in fact be the markings of a sleeping pill,” he peers into the camera, “Prescription sleeping pills. Do you know how dangerous it is to use someone else’s prescription?”
Driving still--driving hard. This is what a badboy does, right? Drive aimlessly in the pursuit of absolutely nothing while burning fossil fuels and reducing the ozone layer to something we’ll be forced to refer to in the past tense.
Even though there is the fact that the ozone layer has been repairing itself in recent years. No thanks to Dare Clemmens and this Dodge Challenger still rolling down the road without a catalytic converter, though.
Vroom vroom.
“So yeah maybe I took the guy up on the pill and had a really good nap. I know what you’re thinking too, you’re thinking ‘o-m-g he got pounded in his virgin buttpipe by that creeper while he was passed out.’ and no. Not at all,” he chuckles but remains troubled, “His name was Jim and he was actually quite nice. He got me a fresh change of clothes, got me a lil higher than I expected, but either way, showed me a good time. No, not that kind of time.”
Somewhere between out of control and ‘giant fireball of metal and death’ the Challenger peels down the road. Dare Clemmens, the hero who simply cannot sit still.
“No, I think I might be sick because I realize what I’ve done. I realize the shadow I’m casting. This dangerous ‘dare me’ mentality has rubbed off on those around me. Look at Bindy Trent, for example. Until she met me, she was a good humble woman. She did the best she could with her god given talents and did not ask for more out of this world, beyond what she could earn for herself,” he pauses to shake his head knowingly, “This is where I feel like I should have a cigarette because I feel so bleak, but bleck. Cigarettes are gross.”
The Challenger barrels down the highway at speeds that will make Michael Bay lose his shit wishing he had a camera ready to roll so he could turn Dare’s life into a music video.
“Bindy Trent is not only objectifying and thereby exploiting herself, but she’s also now getting into trouble with Johnny Law. Furthermore, it’s potentially my fault. It’s disturbing to know that I may have caused this,” Dare shakes his head, “I’m not going to blindly take credit for all of her decisions, though. She’s a big girl, can decide for herself, but let’s be realistic, ok? She wouldn’t be explaining her hijinx to the police and finding herself needing legal counsel if not for the fact that she felt compelled to do the things I do--to live the life I live.”
Still the Challenger rumbles forward, cutting through the wind. Up ahead? Who knows. What’s important is the fact that Dare is now taking responsibility. This is emotionally charged right now so jump right into this, ok? Feel that dopamine rush, right now.
Or…
Right now.
Or…
Whenever...
“I don’t even know why I do the things I do. It’s not driven by this need to separate myself from my family’s name. No. I can tell you that it isn’t that, at the very least. The moral to this story is that, if I don’t know why it’s worth doing what i’m doing, then how dangerous is it to take social cues from me? There’s a good chance that you’re doing things an idiot is willing to do to please nameless slash faceless masses. Again, I don’t do it just because, but at the same time, it’s a dare.”
Boom.
“I never back down from a dare and that’s my job. You though, you’re your own person. Don’t jump off the bridge just because I made it look cool. Ok?”
The Challenger blasts off into the darkness.
End.
Or, god forbid, one of those “here he is throwing kicks and working out like a boss and here you are, ready to check out what he has to say” promos.
No. This is one hundred percent “driving down the road while being semi distracted by the camera on the dashboard” excellence.
Buckle up, you’ll be the only one.
Dare looks somewhat troubled as we zoom in on him. In Dare-speak “somewhat troubled” means that he’s probably just dealing with the concept that he’s up against an opponent who possesses a vocabulary beyond that of, well, that “Jones woman” as he calls her.
Dare was recently the recipient of a ridiculously easy win and now, with the reality sinking in that he is ‘to be’ a household name, well… He knows he’s officially about to occupy some large shoes.
“I think I might be sick,” Dare says, mostly to himself, “Just a tiny bit sick. I’ve seen some things I couldn’t predict. No one told me that I would be face to face with a creeper who would spend a portion of the evening trying to talk me into his car, outside that bar,” Dare shakes his head, “He offered me candy. Actually offered me candy. If not for a somewhat trained eye, I wouldn’t have recognized the markings on the “candy” to in fact be the markings of a sleeping pill,” he peers into the camera, “Prescription sleeping pills. Do you know how dangerous it is to use someone else’s prescription?”
Driving still--driving hard. This is what a badboy does, right? Drive aimlessly in the pursuit of absolutely nothing while burning fossil fuels and reducing the ozone layer to something we’ll be forced to refer to in the past tense.
Even though there is the fact that the ozone layer has been repairing itself in recent years. No thanks to Dare Clemmens and this Dodge Challenger still rolling down the road without a catalytic converter, though.
Vroom vroom.
“So yeah maybe I took the guy up on the pill and had a really good nap. I know what you’re thinking too, you’re thinking ‘o-m-g he got pounded in his virgin buttpipe by that creeper while he was passed out.’ and no. Not at all,” he chuckles but remains troubled, “His name was Jim and he was actually quite nice. He got me a fresh change of clothes, got me a lil higher than I expected, but either way, showed me a good time. No, not that kind of time.”
Somewhere between out of control and ‘giant fireball of metal and death’ the Challenger peels down the road. Dare Clemmens, the hero who simply cannot sit still.
“No, I think I might be sick because I realize what I’ve done. I realize the shadow I’m casting. This dangerous ‘dare me’ mentality has rubbed off on those around me. Look at Bindy Trent, for example. Until she met me, she was a good humble woman. She did the best she could with her god given talents and did not ask for more out of this world, beyond what she could earn for herself,” he pauses to shake his head knowingly, “This is where I feel like I should have a cigarette because I feel so bleak, but bleck. Cigarettes are gross.”
The Challenger barrels down the highway at speeds that will make Michael Bay lose his shit wishing he had a camera ready to roll so he could turn Dare’s life into a music video.
“Bindy Trent is not only objectifying and thereby exploiting herself, but she’s also now getting into trouble with Johnny Law. Furthermore, it’s potentially my fault. It’s disturbing to know that I may have caused this,” Dare shakes his head, “I’m not going to blindly take credit for all of her decisions, though. She’s a big girl, can decide for herself, but let’s be realistic, ok? She wouldn’t be explaining her hijinx to the police and finding herself needing legal counsel if not for the fact that she felt compelled to do the things I do--to live the life I live.”
Still the Challenger rumbles forward, cutting through the wind. Up ahead? Who knows. What’s important is the fact that Dare is now taking responsibility. This is emotionally charged right now so jump right into this, ok? Feel that dopamine rush, right now.
Or…
Right now.
Or…
Whenever...
“I don’t even know why I do the things I do. It’s not driven by this need to separate myself from my family’s name. No. I can tell you that it isn’t that, at the very least. The moral to this story is that, if I don’t know why it’s worth doing what i’m doing, then how dangerous is it to take social cues from me? There’s a good chance that you’re doing things an idiot is willing to do to please nameless slash faceless masses. Again, I don’t do it just because, but at the same time, it’s a dare.”
Boom.
“I never back down from a dare and that’s my job. You though, you’re your own person. Don’t jump off the bridge just because I made it look cool. Ok?”
The Challenger blasts off into the darkness.
End.