Post by Deleted on Jan 19, 2017 21:52:21 GMT -5
Voice Over: AWE has given us everything. From Water that might just be people, to an old man who thinks everyone is his long lost child, AWE has provided for us. The only thing AWE has not been able to afford us, are action figures.
Yes, little plastic versions of all your favorite wrestlers for collecting, playing, and probably some weird action figure fetish we’d rather not delve into too much.
But now, one man...one seriously good looking man, with just the right amount of chest hair, to go with a smile that will simply bring you to your knees, is ready to remedy that for you.
Dare is bringing you AWE Action Figures.
First up? Bindy Trent.
We catch up with Dare inside his hotel room in Grand Rapids Michigan. He’s trying to ignore the disturbed slash sick feeling he’s carried with him, which moans, “Oh man I’m in Grand Rapids Michigan” since his arrival.
The cameraman watches his every move.
“Hi Alpha Wrestling fans! Dare here to prove once again that when dared, he’ll deliver. Today we’re looking into selling you something really special and I think it’s just about here.”
That’s right, it’s on its way thanks to the help of an Amazon.com drone. Dare throws open the door to his hotel room just as the drone lowers down, dropping off his package.
Dare has this “omg technology right now is blowing my mind” look on his face as the drone flies away. Now in his clutches, this package, is something much more important than a drone. It’s fairly obvious just how important it is by how quickly Dare tears the package open and finally pulls the contents out.
“The Bend Me Bindy Action Figure,” Dare smiles, “It’s real. Really real. It’s here. Limited edition.”
Dare turns his attention to the camera and holds up the box.
Dare begins opening the package. You can feel how anxious he is as he pulls the plastic off.
“Ok so as you can see, the packaging is sweet, now it’s time for the unboxing,” Dare notes.
He pulls the top open and reaches a hand into the box and pulls the action figure out like he’s Indiana Jones in the opening of Raiders, only a giant boulder isn’t about to come squash him...that we know of...
“First, Bindy Trent fans will be overwhelmed by the incredible sense of reality maintained in such a small action figure.”
Dare holds the action figure up to the camera and it’s clear that it only marginally looks like Bindy Trent. In fact, it barely looks like her at all. Dare tries to hide the look of disappointment in his face, but it slips out just a teensy bit, like he’s forced to dance with the pimply smelly girl at the Prom because he lost a bet.
We’ll save that story for another time.
“Second, it’s called Bend Me Bindy because of over seventy points of articulation. Did you hear me right? Seventy. O-M-G, right? It’s amazing. Ball joint shoulders, ball joint neck, and of course, bendable fingers.”
Dare hides the fact that it’s really just a repainted Stretch Armstrong doll.
“Wowee,” Dare says, trying to force some semblance of thrill into his voice, “This thing is only seventy dollars too!”
Dare shakes his head.
“Wait, what? Seventy dollars for this? Like maybe ten dollars. Twelve fifty for the packaging, max.”
Dare tugs on Bend Me Bindy’s arms and pulls her arms out to about four feet before letting go of one arm. She slowly regains her shape as he looks at the action figure like it’s an ice cream cone he just dropped in a pile of dog shit.
Dare looks into the camera, realizing he’s losing his audience, so he bites his bottom lip and quickly pulls his shirt off. He flexes and holds the Bend Me Bindy action figure up by his smiling face and blows a kiss.
“This Bend Me Bindy is what you want. You know it, I know it, just call in and order one. I mean, seriously, I had like fifty of these things made. You want them, don’t you?”
The camera zooms in on Dare’s eyes.
“Bend Me, Bindy. See, that’s the joke. You wanted to know what Dare would do, Bindy? Well, Dare wanted to bend Bindy. This smiling face and my built in propensity to do whatever it takes to get the fans up on their feet drove you towards it, didn’t it? My previous opponent didn’t get it, but I’m not convinced she had a brain. You though, you stepped right up to the plate,” Dare nods.
“I could argue that you got caught up in the hype and that you wanted to walk in Dare’s shoes and show the world that you wouldn’t back down from a dare, couldn’t I? I could argue that you’re just a wannabe. That was the whole idea-to contort you into this pillow fighting nudist. Why? Because I knew, if I could out you as this copycat, that it might just demoralize you going into the match. Yeah, I figured it’d give me that mental edge.”
The camera zooms out a bit to still show Dare holding that Bend Me Bindy doll and trying to sell it with raw sex appeal.
“Here’s the thing though, Bindy. While that was the whole idea, when you rolled it out and ‘walked into my trap’ I realized something. I realized that I didn’t want that. You opened my eyes. Could even argue that maybe I learned something about myself. Grew as a person too. You stepped right up and I respect that. With that in mind, I’m looking forward to this spectacular ending and I promise it’ll end with well I have to warn you--I’m a hugger. So be prepared.”
Before the camera fades, Dare spits out.
“Oh and please buy these action figures! I Promise they look way more realistic in person. Seriously. Bend Me Bindy. Next big thing. Just in time for, um, next Christmas!”
End.
Yes, little plastic versions of all your favorite wrestlers for collecting, playing, and probably some weird action figure fetish we’d rather not delve into too much.
But now, one man...one seriously good looking man, with just the right amount of chest hair, to go with a smile that will simply bring you to your knees, is ready to remedy that for you.
Dare is bringing you AWE Action Figures.
First up? Bindy Trent.
We catch up with Dare inside his hotel room in Grand Rapids Michigan. He’s trying to ignore the disturbed slash sick feeling he’s carried with him, which moans, “Oh man I’m in Grand Rapids Michigan” since his arrival.
The cameraman watches his every move.
“Hi Alpha Wrestling fans! Dare here to prove once again that when dared, he’ll deliver. Today we’re looking into selling you something really special and I think it’s just about here.”
That’s right, it’s on its way thanks to the help of an Amazon.com drone. Dare throws open the door to his hotel room just as the drone lowers down, dropping off his package.
Dare has this “omg technology right now is blowing my mind” look on his face as the drone flies away. Now in his clutches, this package, is something much more important than a drone. It’s fairly obvious just how important it is by how quickly Dare tears the package open and finally pulls the contents out.
“The Bend Me Bindy Action Figure,” Dare smiles, “It’s real. Really real. It’s here. Limited edition.”
Dare turns his attention to the camera and holds up the box.
Dare begins opening the package. You can feel how anxious he is as he pulls the plastic off.
“Ok so as you can see, the packaging is sweet, now it’s time for the unboxing,” Dare notes.
He pulls the top open and reaches a hand into the box and pulls the action figure out like he’s Indiana Jones in the opening of Raiders, only a giant boulder isn’t about to come squash him...that we know of...
“First, Bindy Trent fans will be overwhelmed by the incredible sense of reality maintained in such a small action figure.”
Dare holds the action figure up to the camera and it’s clear that it only marginally looks like Bindy Trent. In fact, it barely looks like her at all. Dare tries to hide the look of disappointment in his face, but it slips out just a teensy bit, like he’s forced to dance with the pimply smelly girl at the Prom because he lost a bet.
We’ll save that story for another time.
“Second, it’s called Bend Me Bindy because of over seventy points of articulation. Did you hear me right? Seventy. O-M-G, right? It’s amazing. Ball joint shoulders, ball joint neck, and of course, bendable fingers.”
Dare hides the fact that it’s really just a repainted Stretch Armstrong doll.
“Wowee,” Dare says, trying to force some semblance of thrill into his voice, “This thing is only seventy dollars too!”
Dare shakes his head.
“Wait, what? Seventy dollars for this? Like maybe ten dollars. Twelve fifty for the packaging, max.”
Dare tugs on Bend Me Bindy’s arms and pulls her arms out to about four feet before letting go of one arm. She slowly regains her shape as he looks at the action figure like it’s an ice cream cone he just dropped in a pile of dog shit.
Dare looks into the camera, realizing he’s losing his audience, so he bites his bottom lip and quickly pulls his shirt off. He flexes and holds the Bend Me Bindy action figure up by his smiling face and blows a kiss.
“This Bend Me Bindy is what you want. You know it, I know it, just call in and order one. I mean, seriously, I had like fifty of these things made. You want them, don’t you?”
The camera zooms in on Dare’s eyes.
“Bend Me, Bindy. See, that’s the joke. You wanted to know what Dare would do, Bindy? Well, Dare wanted to bend Bindy. This smiling face and my built in propensity to do whatever it takes to get the fans up on their feet drove you towards it, didn’t it? My previous opponent didn’t get it, but I’m not convinced she had a brain. You though, you stepped right up to the plate,” Dare nods.
“I could argue that you got caught up in the hype and that you wanted to walk in Dare’s shoes and show the world that you wouldn’t back down from a dare, couldn’t I? I could argue that you’re just a wannabe. That was the whole idea-to contort you into this pillow fighting nudist. Why? Because I knew, if I could out you as this copycat, that it might just demoralize you going into the match. Yeah, I figured it’d give me that mental edge.”
The camera zooms out a bit to still show Dare holding that Bend Me Bindy doll and trying to sell it with raw sex appeal.
“Here’s the thing though, Bindy. While that was the whole idea, when you rolled it out and ‘walked into my trap’ I realized something. I realized that I didn’t want that. You opened my eyes. Could even argue that maybe I learned something about myself. Grew as a person too. You stepped right up and I respect that. With that in mind, I’m looking forward to this spectacular ending and I promise it’ll end with well I have to warn you--I’m a hugger. So be prepared.”
Before the camera fades, Dare spits out.
“Oh and please buy these action figures! I Promise they look way more realistic in person. Seriously. Bend Me Bindy. Next big thing. Just in time for, um, next Christmas!”
End.