Post by Anastasia Hayden on Jan 24, 2017 19:39:25 GMT -5
I see the morning sun
Coming over the hill
Sorrow and pain for me
Coming over the hill
January 23rd
The flight to Bismarck, North Dakota felt like an eternity to Anastasia. As soon as her match in #FSociety finished, Ana made a mad dash to pick up her gear and pack in her hotel room. It wasn’t cheap buying a ticket on such short notice, but she didn’t have any time to spare. She barely had enough time to change from her ring gear to street wear. At the airport, she tried her best to remain patient for her luggage at the baggage claim and as soon as it appeared, she snatched it up. She loaded everything up into the rental car and started making her way toward the hospital where her mother was.
No one knew and she made an effort not to tell anyone. Not like there were many people in her life to begin with. Bryan was the only one she told and only because it came out in a rush of emotions. Emotions she desperately meant to hold back, but they came flooding out. After her call with Bryan, Anastasia entered a world of silence. The flight served as a chance to recover and calm down. It didn’t work very well.
Ana was filled with anxiety. She had missed out on the family Christmas yet again. The only time she’d visit them and she missed it. It made her anxious just to be back in North Dakota period, let alone having to visit her mother in a hospital. Her hands were gripped tight around the steering wheel, her knuckles turning white only to prevent them from shaking. Each red light just filled her with dread, she didn’t know anything about her mother’s accident or her condition. All she knew is she needed to get there.
The drive was short, but somehow, felt longer than the flight. It took a lot of energy for Ana not to give into a breakdown in the parking lot as she pulled into a spot. But it wasn’t the right time to cry. Not yet anyways.
In the lobby, Anastasia saw her sister, who had fallen asleep in her chair. She shook her sister’s shoulder, increasing the force with every millisecond it seemed. Allie groggily opened her eyes and looked at Ana, trying to wake up and process everything.
“Ana? What are you doing here so early?”
“Where’s mom?”
“She’s a few floors up, but-”
Before Allie could finish, Anastasia started to make her way toward the elevator, but Allie was quicker than that and grabbed Ana’s wrist
“But...she needs her rest, Ana. Just sit down and we’ll see her in a bit.”
That was the reality Ana didn’t want to settle with. She wanted to run off into the elevator and storm the floors looking for her mother’s room, but Allie was right. Ana sat next to her sister, looking straight ahead. There was an awkward tension between the sisters. Allie wanted to scream at Ana for not picking up her phone the day the accident happened. Ana wanted to scream at Allie for holding her back. But neither one had the energy. With the silence, Allie found herself dozing back to sleep and eventually, it was the same for Ana.
Everything was starting to catch up to her. The fatigue of the flight, her matches, and her anxiety. A quick glance at her phone to check the time and she knew it wouldn’t be much longer before Bryan landed in Bismarck. Putting her phone back into her pocket, she rested her head against the wall behind her chair and closed her eyes. Emotions came flooding again; all at once, but then, she felt nothing.
She shut down.
And when she awoke, she was alone. In her lap was a piece of folded paper. Ana picked up the note and stretched out her arms before unfolding it and reading it. A note from her sister.
“Ana,
They’re going to run a few tests on mom. I went home to check on dad and everyone else. I’ll call you when she’s free. Keep your phone on. Please.”
Anastasia checked her phone again, she hadn’t been out for too long, but she didn’t feel rested. If anything, she felt worse. All she wanted was to see her mother. Before she could even get upset over it, a text came in from Bryan. He had landed and checked into a hotel just outside of the city, the address sent with it. She figured it’d be best to head out and try to get some fresh air. Something to calm her down before she went to the hotel.
She didn’t want Bryan out there. She almost hated the fact that he was there. Any attempt by Ana to tell him not to go was like a signal. A signal that told him he needed to go. When the man set his mind on something, he was going to accomplish it. And dropping everything on such short notice to fly out to Bismarck was that goal.
Having someone worry about you; Anastasia hated that feeling. It only created an unneeded feeling of guilt. She didn’t want to drag anyone down with her. Especially Bryan. And she was mad. At least, she wanted to be mad, but her energy reserves couldn’t tap into any real anger. Instead, she pulled herself together to get up out of the hospital and back onto the road for the hotel.
Ana knocked on the hotel room door and heard the sound of the door unlocking before pulling back to reveal Bryan. He pulled her in with a hug and held her; Ana kept her arms pinned by her side.
“You shouldn’t have come.”
Her voice was muffled, but Bryan got the gist of it.
“I know, but I wanted to. Been in situations like this where I didn’t have anybody, I didn’t want that for you.”
He let go of the embrace to shut the door and Ana found her way over to the bed, sitting down on the edge of it. She sat there expressionless for a few seconds before leaning over and putting her face into her hands.
“I don’t want you here, Bryan...”
Her words were blunt and harsh; the Anastasia classic. But she didn’t intend for them to come out that way. There was just no control over anything in her life. Bryan gave her some space, leaning back against the dresser. She sighed and kept her head buried in her hands
“I didn’t mean-”
“I know, Ana.”
“I just didn’t...you shouldn’t have dropped everything. You’ve got to train...you’ve got a match.”
“I’ve got time. I can train later...I can probably do something here too. You shouldn’t worry about me...I’m worried about you.”
And those were the words that made Ana want to curl up into a ball and die. Instead, she just fell back onto the bed, her hands still covering her face. She didn’t want to look at Bryan, as if he was a manifestation of her guilt. Bryan closed the gap between the two, taking his turn sitting on the edge of the bed.
She didn’t know what to say to him anymore and perhaps it was better that way. She was upset, but she had nothing left in her. There wasn’t an energy to be upset or mad at Bryan. As cold as her words were, they fell flat. Even talking felt like a chore to her. And Ana was tired of running chores. She was tired in general. She pulled her head away from her hands and rolled over to her side facing Bryan, trying to just relax.
Bryan scooted up and fell back on the bed with Ana. There was nothing for him to say without it sounding cheesy or forced; something that Ana had grown too accustomed with. Instead, he kept silent and gently put his arm around Ana. For the moment, she was grateful despite her body tensing up. She hated herself for putting Bryan in this situation. Though she couldn’t fight it.
“I just want it to be over.”
The buzzing of Ana’s phone in her pocket woke her back up. She looked over at Bryan, who was still sleeping. As she answered the phone, she slowly pulled away from him as to not disturb him. Her sister’s voice was on the other line
“Mom’s ready. I’m about thirty minutes out, but just tell the doctors who you are and they’ll take you to her.”
Some relief rushed over Ana for the first time in over a day.
“But…I don’t know if she’s improved or not...so when you see her...maybe just wait until I get there, okay?”
“Sure.”
Ana whispered her response, but she didn’t mean it. She was tired of waiting to see her mother. No more obstacles.
“Alright...see you soon then.”
Allie hung up and Ana made her way out of the room, doing her best to stay as quiet as possible. She opened the door and closed it gently before rushing out to hop back into her rental car where she’d meet yet another short drive. This time, the outlook was a bit more optimistic. Even if she was ignoring her sister’s vague warning.
At the desk of the lobby, Ana got all the information she needed and made her way to the elevator. She pressed the floor number and waited anxiously. As soon as the doors opened, she walked as fast as she could through the hallways, her eyes scanning over each door and its number. It wasn’t long before she locked onto the room number, the name “Hayden” attached to a whiteboard beside the door.
She held onto the handle, trying to calm herself before she pushed down, opening the door. Entering the room slowly, Ana closed the door behind her. A curtain had been drawn between the medical bed and the entryway. Ana tried to speak, but there was no sound coming out. As she started walking toward her mother, she finally found her voice.
“Mom?”
Silence.
“Mom?”
Silence.
Coming around the curtain, Ana saw what her sister warned her about. Tubes and machines to monitor her mother, to help her breathe.
To keep her alive.