Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2017 23:11:02 GMT -5
Voice Over: “Just when you thought it couldn’t get any stranger, Zack Fantana lost his mind. He began focusing on the “conspiracy” and began to turn his focus away from his opponents. In doing so, he lost grip on the very mojo that makes him “The Fantanasy.”
“Fantanasy? Really?”
“Zack Fantana’s mojo needed a host and it sought a young sexy man with just the right amount of chest hair.”
“You guessed it. Our hero.”
“We catch up with none other than “Handsome” Tony Chu standing outside the door to Dare’s apartment. He’s smoking a cigarette and making it look really cool for the children watching. He knocks on the door three times. He crinkles up his nose at the overall look of his surroundings.”
Tony: This place is disgusting. I need to remember to pay this guy so he can get a better place. Jesus.
“Tony flicks his cigarette and out of the frame you can hear a dog yipe. Before Tony can respond with the appropriate amount of “idgaf” the door to Dare’s apartment flies open. Dare looks like a mad man with a tin foil helmet. Dare yanks Tony into his apartment and slams the door behind him.”
Dare: Whew. It’s dangerous to just be running around without a tin foil hat on.
Tony: What...the..fuck..is...this?
“The wall is plastered with pictures of the current AWE potential owners held up by thumbtacks. Strings of yarn go from picture to picture, connecting dots.”
“Dare hands Tony a tin foil cap.”
Dare: Put this on. It’s for your own good.
“Tony just blinks at our hero as his eyes dart from Dare to the tin foil cap and back. He lets out an audible sigh before putting the cap on his head”
Dare: Ok good. Now it can’t enter you either.
Tony: What?
Dare: Nevermind, I’ll tell you later. You saw Zack Fantana’s promo, right?
Tony: What I didn’t sleep through, yes.
Dare: Then you know all about his facts on the conspiracy of Francis Ford Cuppola, Kassandrah, Thirteen, and TS Elliot, right?
Tony: Dare, seriously, there’s no conspiracy. It’s literally just a bunch of confusion while Kassandrah, my precious Kassandrah, waits to right the ship. The only take away from this is that we need you to dispatch Zack Fantana so I...Kassandrah can take control of AWE.
Dare: Ok, here’s the thing. This weird conspiracy theory thing has broken Zack Fantana’s mind.
Tony: What?
Dare: Yeah! Up till now, Zack Fantana has set a standard for himself. He’s been that alpha cliche artist, right? You know, the big thing where everyone’s a “cuck” now whether or not they like watching their wife get fucked. He does that--or did. Anyway. He says that he’s the hardest working man in the company. He says that he’s the alpha. He claims all other competitors are beneath him. He even claims that the Paramount division is beneath him despite getting beaten by that shit kicker Radford. Right?
“Tony’s attention has been pulled away with the realization that despite the ghetto surroundings, Dare’s apartment is actually really well kept.”
Tony: Do you have a maid?
Dare: Huh?
Tony: Your place is really clean.
Dare: No. I’m a minimalist. Were you not listening to me just now?
Tony: Yeah, Zack Fantana, blah blah, rehashes shit wrestlers say over and over again… He’s lucky to be riding the wave of trash competitors who have enabled him to look better than he really is. What’s that got to do with the hats and this weird shit on the wall?
Dare: In Zack’s last promo he completely dropped his act. Promo before that, he had a little mojo left, but not much. Now, all he wants to focus on are the potential owners. He barely even mentioned his opponents. That’s absolutely unlike him. All he could talk about was this conspiracy and wanting to protect that guy with the giant face.
Tony: TS Elliot, not the writer.
Dare: Yeah, not the writer, but giant face.
Tony: Ok, he’s distracted, wasting promos, but still, why are we wearing tin foil?
Dare: So his mojo can’t get into our heads! Look. All of this stuff on the wall, all these pictures, this is what happened when Zack Fantana’s mojo entered my mind.
Tony: Wait, what?
Dare: Yes. I became Zack Fantana, because his mojo, or ego, is floating free, but I immediately did the same thing he did, focused on this conspiracy.
Tony: Am I high?
“Tony reaches up and smacks himself in the face, like a man.”
Tony: Ow.
Dare: No. Here’s what happened when I became Zack Fantana. First I posted a picture of myself and thought I looked great. In an attempt to resist, I posted pictures of all the potential owners and I fussed over who was the craziest. I actually gave Francis Ford Cuppola more credit than just being an random old fart!
Tony: Woah, woah, ok. I am definitely high.
Dare: It gets worse. As Fantana’s mojo fought back, soon I considered jacking off to my own picture.
Tony: Oh my god. Did you?
Dare: Maybe, but it gets worse! I farted into a ziplock bag and I let it sit for five minutes and actually considered opening it so I could huff it.
“Tony points at Dare as his eyes widen.”
Tony: That’s when you decided to make the tin foil hat.
Dare: Bingo. I was in the bathroom, Goodbye Horses was playing; I was all, “I’d fuck me” before I was able to focus on whether or not Thirteen’s cans were real and if they had a stake in the AWE ownership. That finally forced his mojo out and allowed me time to make my hat.
Tony: We gotta warn people.
Dare: Seriously. I just don’t know if they’ll believe us…
“They didn’t. Tony and Dare went out into the world in their tin foil helmets, warning of Zack Fantana’s dangerous mojo, but it was too late, it had spread. The whole world was jacking off to itself.”
END?
“Fantanasy? Really?”
“Zack Fantana’s mojo needed a host and it sought a young sexy man with just the right amount of chest hair.”
“You guessed it. Our hero.”
“We catch up with none other than “Handsome” Tony Chu standing outside the door to Dare’s apartment. He’s smoking a cigarette and making it look really cool for the children watching. He knocks on the door three times. He crinkles up his nose at the overall look of his surroundings.”
Tony: This place is disgusting. I need to remember to pay this guy so he can get a better place. Jesus.
“Tony flicks his cigarette and out of the frame you can hear a dog yipe. Before Tony can respond with the appropriate amount of “idgaf” the door to Dare’s apartment flies open. Dare looks like a mad man with a tin foil helmet. Dare yanks Tony into his apartment and slams the door behind him.”
Dare: Whew. It’s dangerous to just be running around without a tin foil hat on.
Tony: What...the..fuck..is...this?
“The wall is plastered with pictures of the current AWE potential owners held up by thumbtacks. Strings of yarn go from picture to picture, connecting dots.”
“Dare hands Tony a tin foil cap.”
Dare: Put this on. It’s for your own good.
“Tony just blinks at our hero as his eyes dart from Dare to the tin foil cap and back. He lets out an audible sigh before putting the cap on his head”
Dare: Ok good. Now it can’t enter you either.
Tony: What?
Dare: Nevermind, I’ll tell you later. You saw Zack Fantana’s promo, right?
Tony: What I didn’t sleep through, yes.
Dare: Then you know all about his facts on the conspiracy of Francis Ford Cuppola, Kassandrah, Thirteen, and TS Elliot, right?
Tony: Dare, seriously, there’s no conspiracy. It’s literally just a bunch of confusion while Kassandrah, my precious Kassandrah, waits to right the ship. The only take away from this is that we need you to dispatch Zack Fantana so I...Kassandrah can take control of AWE.
Dare: Ok, here’s the thing. This weird conspiracy theory thing has broken Zack Fantana’s mind.
Tony: What?
Dare: Yeah! Up till now, Zack Fantana has set a standard for himself. He’s been that alpha cliche artist, right? You know, the big thing where everyone’s a “cuck” now whether or not they like watching their wife get fucked. He does that--or did. Anyway. He says that he’s the hardest working man in the company. He says that he’s the alpha. He claims all other competitors are beneath him. He even claims that the Paramount division is beneath him despite getting beaten by that shit kicker Radford. Right?
“Tony’s attention has been pulled away with the realization that despite the ghetto surroundings, Dare’s apartment is actually really well kept.”
Tony: Do you have a maid?
Dare: Huh?
Tony: Your place is really clean.
Dare: No. I’m a minimalist. Were you not listening to me just now?
Tony: Yeah, Zack Fantana, blah blah, rehashes shit wrestlers say over and over again… He’s lucky to be riding the wave of trash competitors who have enabled him to look better than he really is. What’s that got to do with the hats and this weird shit on the wall?
Dare: In Zack’s last promo he completely dropped his act. Promo before that, he had a little mojo left, but not much. Now, all he wants to focus on are the potential owners. He barely even mentioned his opponents. That’s absolutely unlike him. All he could talk about was this conspiracy and wanting to protect that guy with the giant face.
Tony: TS Elliot, not the writer.
Dare: Yeah, not the writer, but giant face.
Tony: Ok, he’s distracted, wasting promos, but still, why are we wearing tin foil?
Dare: So his mojo can’t get into our heads! Look. All of this stuff on the wall, all these pictures, this is what happened when Zack Fantana’s mojo entered my mind.
Tony: Wait, what?
Dare: Yes. I became Zack Fantana, because his mojo, or ego, is floating free, but I immediately did the same thing he did, focused on this conspiracy.
Tony: Am I high?
“Tony reaches up and smacks himself in the face, like a man.”
Tony: Ow.
Dare: No. Here’s what happened when I became Zack Fantana. First I posted a picture of myself and thought I looked great. In an attempt to resist, I posted pictures of all the potential owners and I fussed over who was the craziest. I actually gave Francis Ford Cuppola more credit than just being an random old fart!
Tony: Woah, woah, ok. I am definitely high.
Dare: It gets worse. As Fantana’s mojo fought back, soon I considered jacking off to my own picture.
Tony: Oh my god. Did you?
Dare: Maybe, but it gets worse! I farted into a ziplock bag and I let it sit for five minutes and actually considered opening it so I could huff it.
“Tony points at Dare as his eyes widen.”
Tony: That’s when you decided to make the tin foil hat.
Dare: Bingo. I was in the bathroom, Goodbye Horses was playing; I was all, “I’d fuck me” before I was able to focus on whether or not Thirteen’s cans were real and if they had a stake in the AWE ownership. That finally forced his mojo out and allowed me time to make my hat.
Tony: We gotta warn people.
Dare: Seriously. I just don’t know if they’ll believe us…
“They didn’t. Tony and Dare went out into the world in their tin foil helmets, warning of Zack Fantana’s dangerous mojo, but it was too late, it had spread. The whole world was jacking off to itself.”
END?