Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2017 17:52:23 GMT -5
Voice Over: “Unfortunately for our hero, the Cops that arrived on the scene were real. The actors playing Cops did not arrive until five minutes later. They were made late by the fact that they needed a clearer picture of what their inspiration was.”
“They couldn’t decide if it was ‘Riggs & Murtaugh’ or ‘Starsky & Hutch’ and finally decided to just go with ‘Smith & Lawrence’ from “Bad Boys” mainly because they couldn’t remember the character’s names.”
“Moral to this story is uppity actors ended up getting our hero, Dare Clemmens, arrested. Isn’t that a thing? Poor sweet Dare with his beautiful eyes, perfect leg muscles, and near complete lack of flaws, being sent to jail.”
“Here is that story…”
“Dare sits in a eight by eight cell with only a cot and a aluminum looking toilet to keep him company. He’s wearing his short cut off jean shorts and tuxedo t-shirt still. He looks pretty pathetic--his eyes are pink from crying and he’s used up a whole roll of toilet paper blowing his nose.”
Dare: I’ve never been in jail before. Never before in my life. My mom is so disappointed, wherever she is.I’ll bet if Dom Lawson were in jail, he’d act like it was no biggie. He’d laugh and depend his ability to say the ‘f-word’ with ease to navigate jail without any problems. He’d probably already have a girlfriend by now. A pretty one too, like Benny Stevens. Me? I have no one.
“There’s a much larger man in the next cell. He looks like a potential Trump voter thanks to his fat and white skin. He’s wearing a cut off jean jacket with a confederate flag sewn to the back. He reaches through the bars and caresses Dare’s ear.”
Likely Trump Voter: It’s ok sugar, Big Daddy Tank is here for ye.
“Our hero lets out a very manly scream as he shoots to his feet and turns on ‘Big Daddy Tank’ and shakes his head, indicating ‘no’ before staggering over to the opposite side of the cell.”
Dare: Here I am, stuck, waiting to see if Tony ever realizes I’m missing and Dom Lawson is walking free and talking his Irish slurred smack. He compares me to Benny Stevens like it’s a bad thing. Acts like Benny isn’t a contender when it’s pretty clear that Lawson wouldn’t hold a win over Benny, had it not been for the distraction of American Tommy. What happened when Lawson didn’t have a distraction in the next match involving Benny Stevens?
“Our hero allows for a dramatic pause.”
Dare: Oh, I remember, Benny won that match. He put Lawson down for a three count and the fans went bananas. That’s why Lawson doesn’t give an ‘F-Word’ about the match at Executive Action, because he can’t own up to the fact that he treated Benny like he was nothing and paid for it.
“Dare’s new (literally) biggest fan, that Big Daddy Tank, is now watching Dare as he speaks. Big Daddy Tank doesn’t even care who Dare’s talking to, all he’s concerned with is how nice Dare’s bum looks in those shorty shorts.”
Dare: Lawson is three and four at Alpha and one of those came with the help of American Tommy. Otherwise, Lawson owns wins over Drew Stevenson and Corey Sanders, two wrestlers with one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. Every other match he’s found himself in have gone the other way. He shouldn’t be saying the f-word to anyone but himself. Seriously? This is the guy who gets to put me down with the mother of all cuss words?
“A guard walks up to Dare’s cell with a magazine in hand. He nods to Dare before tossing the magazine into the cell, at Dare’s feet.”
Guard: Sign that for me.
“Dare picks up the magazine and sees that it’s a magazine covering the recent events at Executive Action.”
Dare: Of course. Mind if I check it out really quick first?
Guard: Nah, I don’t see why not. I gotta go get you a pen anyways. Just do me a favor and don’t get to close to Tank’s side of the cell, he’ll try to rape you.
Big Daddy Tank: I’d be gentle.
“While Tank is distracted by the guard, Dare drops trow and has a seat on the extremely cold aluminum toilet. Our brave hero suffers through. He opens the magazine and flips the story of the Resilience Championship ladder match.”
Dare: Lawson wants to take this away from me. Wants to throw credit at everyone in the match, but me. Says I don’t take my opponents seriously? Man, that sucks. I take them all seriously and I try really hard. Everytime. I do it without having to say the f-word too.
“Dare flips to the next pages displaying pictures from his historic victory.”
Dare: Now he’s just acting like I’m just holding the title for him? This is where he needs to listen to his own words, because he’s not taking me seriously. Dude needs to. I just got done beating three people he figured would win the Championship over me. I just got done beating the guy he couldn’t best in the Rumble for the Resilience Title. Oh, but I’m just some douche bag who is to be a footnote on the history of the Resilience Championship? Weak.
“Our hero realizes he’s out of toilet paper and his eyes grow wide. He looks at the magazine page and thinks about it for a moment. He flips the magazine pages until he gets to a full page poster of Dom Lawson’s face.”
Dare: Hi there, F-Word guy.
“Dare rips the picture of Dom Lawson out of the magazine and proceeds to use it to wipe his ass.”
Dare: Dom Lawson wants to get mean and use the F-Word? Well, I’m not going to use the F-Word because that’s for nobody lames without a vocabulary, but I can get mean.
“Dare flushes.”
END.