Post by Zack Fantana on Mar 3, 2017 4:08:33 GMT -5
"I've gotta say the last few months have been pretty swell for Zack Fantana, despite some recent bumps in the road. But it's always good to have an old pal around to keep you grounded. You see, I may remain unpinned and unsubmitted in the Resilience division and I may have been the longest reigning champion AWE's short but illustrious history, but it's come to my attention via Tommy Stone that none of that even matters when all I do is fail, fail, fail.
Naturally, Tommy Stone has never failed at anything in the past few years, because he's still living in 2014 with the last of his accolades."
Zack sits down at the foot of his bed and lays down as a warm filter on the camera drinks up all the blue in the room and gives everything an orange hue.
With a record-time costume change that would make Katy Perry jealous, Zack has transformed into Tommy Stone - that is to say he's sloppily thrown on a wig, a Tommy Bahama shirt, and a sleep mask. He lays on the bed, pretending to catch some Zs before the alarm clock strikes 7 AM and Pharrell's "Happy" rattles the chintzy speakers. Up Zachary Stone sits in his bed, stretching his arms with a lengthy yawn before he pulls his sleep mask off his head to reveal New Years-style 2014 glasses. He springs out of bed and marches over toward the counter in the next room, ignoring the calendar reading March 2017 to grab a K-cup from a box nearby and slam it into the Keurig machine.
"Oh, what a day! What a lovely day to be Tommy Stone."
He stares into the mirror hanging on the wall and re-adjusts his wig. Once satisfied with the look, he clicks his tongue and shoots himself a finger gun in the mirror.
"Still GEW Champ. 2014 has really been the best four years of my career."
When the coffee is done, Zachary Stone grabs the mug and takes a sip, convulsing until the 2014 glasses fall off his face. The filter quickly fades as Fantana clutches his chest, feigning shock.
"Oh my God, that suicide scene in Groundhog Day has never been so relatable."
Zack places the coffee mug gently on the countertop.
"'I must say that it's pretty humbling to be called washed up by Tommy Stone, a man so steeped in the past, you'd think he just awoke from a three year coma. No surprise to find out he's been frequenting antique shops with the way he constantly dredges up ancient history."
Zack pauses.
"I'm doing it again. You know, Tommy says I have issues with passing the blame as well, so go on with your rant about the 'struggle' and your conspiracy theories about Akragth and I being in cahoots, Tommy, and I'll get back to righting wrongs. Perhaps I could stop blaming Akragth for being such a coward if I just saw the world through his eyes."
The lights dim as Zack places on a mask very similar to Akragth's.
"Wow, I can't see shit. This explains so much."
In the darkness, Zakragth paws around the apartment to find a cupboard.
"The magician Akragth returns to the world stage. And for my next trick, I'll grasp at straws."
Zakragth reaches into the cupboard, spilling hundreds of coffee stirrers on the floor.
"Aha, just like I drew it up."
Zack peels off the mask.
"Oh, to live the life of Akragth, where every misstep is just another part of the grand design - a design he can't share with you, of course, not because he doesn't have one, no, no, no, it's because it would be foolish to give away the element of surprise - the element of surprise that he, of course, doesn't need.
Confused yet? Akragth seems to be.
If you didn't need the element of surprise, you could have simply saved the twelve dollars you spent at Dollar General on the gimp masks and just challenged me to a match. Or is the muzzle to keep you from ripping out the sutures from the balls you clearly lost somewhere along the way?
Goddamn, Akragth, you seem to think that I believe it's the length of time you spent away that made you irrelevant, but no, it's what you did with that time. You too every shortcut to the AWE - assaulting women and an old men, wearing a mask, sending your petty thugs out to create a spectacle. And from thine own lips, you did all this for an 'ironclad' contract with the AWE... on a roster that you've called a 'sea of mediocrity'. That is to say, you couldn't even float in the sea of mediocrity without a life preserver. Is that what you're going with? I sure hope that looking like a complete dunce was step one of your process, because otherwise it looks like you might not be half the mastermind you fancy yourself to be.
All this and your call to action was 'because I can'. Just because you dress up like a cartoon villain these days, it doesn't mean you have to have to become as two-dimensional as one.
You talk a big game about all these vague plans but your words ring hollow. You're like a politician who says everything and nothing at the same time. If the best you've got is a new mask and a collection of goons, I think it's suffice to say that any of your grand designs are inconsequential to me.
Fuck me, you think you played T.S.? Seems to me that he played you. He had you do all his dirty work and he's not even on the hook to foot the bill.
Months of scheming and what do you actually have to show for it? You ended up in no better position than Tommy Stone did when he walked in the door of AWE. All of the shareholders you claim to have eliminated are back in the seat of power and what do you have? You've got a match with Zack Fantana and lot less respect from everyone in the AWE boardroom, so... congratulations? If only you could call a mulligan and return to 2014 with Tommy Stone. Looks like 2017 ain't gonna be your year."
Naturally, Tommy Stone has never failed at anything in the past few years, because he's still living in 2014 with the last of his accolades."
Zack sits down at the foot of his bed and lays down as a warm filter on the camera drinks up all the blue in the room and gives everything an orange hue.
With a record-time costume change that would make Katy Perry jealous, Zack has transformed into Tommy Stone - that is to say he's sloppily thrown on a wig, a Tommy Bahama shirt, and a sleep mask. He lays on the bed, pretending to catch some Zs before the alarm clock strikes 7 AM and Pharrell's "Happy" rattles the chintzy speakers. Up Zachary Stone sits in his bed, stretching his arms with a lengthy yawn before he pulls his sleep mask off his head to reveal New Years-style 2014 glasses. He springs out of bed and marches over toward the counter in the next room, ignoring the calendar reading March 2017 to grab a K-cup from a box nearby and slam it into the Keurig machine.
"Oh, what a day! What a lovely day to be Tommy Stone."
He stares into the mirror hanging on the wall and re-adjusts his wig. Once satisfied with the look, he clicks his tongue and shoots himself a finger gun in the mirror.
"Still GEW Champ. 2014 has really been the best four years of my career."
When the coffee is done, Zachary Stone grabs the mug and takes a sip, convulsing until the 2014 glasses fall off his face. The filter quickly fades as Fantana clutches his chest, feigning shock.
"Oh my God, that suicide scene in Groundhog Day has never been so relatable."
Zack places the coffee mug gently on the countertop.
"'I must say that it's pretty humbling to be called washed up by Tommy Stone, a man so steeped in the past, you'd think he just awoke from a three year coma. No surprise to find out he's been frequenting antique shops with the way he constantly dredges up ancient history."
Zack pauses.
"I'm doing it again. You know, Tommy says I have issues with passing the blame as well, so go on with your rant about the 'struggle' and your conspiracy theories about Akragth and I being in cahoots, Tommy, and I'll get back to righting wrongs. Perhaps I could stop blaming Akragth for being such a coward if I just saw the world through his eyes."
The lights dim as Zack places on a mask very similar to Akragth's.
"Wow, I can't see shit. This explains so much."
In the darkness, Zakragth paws around the apartment to find a cupboard.
"The magician Akragth returns to the world stage. And for my next trick, I'll grasp at straws."
Zakragth reaches into the cupboard, spilling hundreds of coffee stirrers on the floor.
"Aha, just like I drew it up."
Zack peels off the mask.
"Oh, to live the life of Akragth, where every misstep is just another part of the grand design - a design he can't share with you, of course, not because he doesn't have one, no, no, no, it's because it would be foolish to give away the element of surprise - the element of surprise that he, of course, doesn't need.
Confused yet? Akragth seems to be.
If you didn't need the element of surprise, you could have simply saved the twelve dollars you spent at Dollar General on the gimp masks and just challenged me to a match. Or is the muzzle to keep you from ripping out the sutures from the balls you clearly lost somewhere along the way?
Goddamn, Akragth, you seem to think that I believe it's the length of time you spent away that made you irrelevant, but no, it's what you did with that time. You too every shortcut to the AWE - assaulting women and an old men, wearing a mask, sending your petty thugs out to create a spectacle. And from thine own lips, you did all this for an 'ironclad' contract with the AWE... on a roster that you've called a 'sea of mediocrity'. That is to say, you couldn't even float in the sea of mediocrity without a life preserver. Is that what you're going with? I sure hope that looking like a complete dunce was step one of your process, because otherwise it looks like you might not be half the mastermind you fancy yourself to be.
All this and your call to action was 'because I can'. Just because you dress up like a cartoon villain these days, it doesn't mean you have to have to become as two-dimensional as one.
You talk a big game about all these vague plans but your words ring hollow. You're like a politician who says everything and nothing at the same time. If the best you've got is a new mask and a collection of goons, I think it's suffice to say that any of your grand designs are inconsequential to me.
Fuck me, you think you played T.S.? Seems to me that he played you. He had you do all his dirty work and he's not even on the hook to foot the bill.
Months of scheming and what do you actually have to show for it? You ended up in no better position than Tommy Stone did when he walked in the door of AWE. All of the shareholders you claim to have eliminated are back in the seat of power and what do you have? You've got a match with Zack Fantana and lot less respect from everyone in the AWE boardroom, so... congratulations? If only you could call a mulligan and return to 2014 with Tommy Stone. Looks like 2017 ain't gonna be your year."