Post by Zack Fantana on Mar 14, 2017 19:08:24 GMT -5
The chatter of fluorescent lights flickering on is accompanied by a terrible screech as Zack Fantana backs haltingly into frame, hindered by the old mobile television stand that he drags behind him. Perhaps even more worse for wear than the stand is the TV itself, an old CRT television with a built-in VHS player. Fantana plugs in the television and then nods at the camera.
"Dare Clemmens, I must say that you are truly a man of the people. I've never seen a performer quite so eager to please. The number of people may vary - be it one or 500, you always go out of your way to give them what they want, inside the ring or out. Sometimes that means popping onto twitter, and creating a poll for a dare, as if to say 'which Dare Clemmens should I be today?'
I used to be that guy too."
Fantana casually rests his boot on a nearby folding chair.
"Back in school, I was the kid that always succumbed to the social pressure. Did everything I could to earn a seat at the cool kids table, even if they just invited me over the play the clown. Eat a bug, shoot milk out of my nose, whatever it took, you know. It wasn't until advent of self-esteem programs in public schools that I realized that I was cool just by being me."
Zack unbuttons his jacket to reveal a faded D.A.R.E. T-shirt.
"Back in those days, there was one particular video that struck a chord with me, and I think maybe it'll speak to you as well."
The TV takes a moment to warm up before Zack hits play and the video begins. The footage is warped and jumpy, as the VHS cassette has presumably degraded in quality from Zack watching it religiously as a child, but soon enough the TV brightens up enough to see that it's clearly a Berenstain Bears video, in which our protagonist Brother Bear is surrounded by more anthropomorphic bears, a group of bullies led by a bear by the name of Too-Tall. Brother Bear pleads with the other bears, who want him to steal a watermelon from Farmer Ben's watermelon match.
"I don't see how stealing watermelons is fun."
"Hey fellas, I think Brother may be a little chicken."
The other bears "bock" and dance like chickens in an emasculating display.
"I am not chicken!"
"Then I dare you to come with us!"
"Not this time."
"Then I double dare you."
"Ooooooooooooooooooooooooh", the other boys say in unison.
"I don't think so."
"Brother, I dee-double dare you!"
The two other bears are shocked. Brother Bear would, of course, be remiss to break the social contract of that dee-double dare, so he agrees to follow the other bears into the watermelon patch, in which he picks out the biggest, greenest watermelon and plucks it off the stem.
"What do you think you're doing?", Farmer Ben asks as he rushes into the field. Too-Tall and the boys scatter, leaving Brother Bear all alone. Brother Bear breaks down and tells Farmer Ben the entire story about how Too-Tall had pressured him into it by calling him chicken and dee-double daring him.
"Chickens aren't very bright but they're too smart to do something stupid because somebody calls them chicken."
As the two are talking, the sheep on the other side of the fence begin to run towards the highway.
"Sheep are like that, follow a leader anywhere. And some folks are like that, too. Follow a leader wherever he goes - across a highway, over a cliff, into a watermelon patch."
Brother Bear blushes, picking up on Farmer Ben's nuance. With that, the screen freezes and the camera pans back to Zack as he plunks down into a chair seated backwards and drapes his arms over the backrest.
"Hit a little close to home, Clemmens? Yeah, the Berenstain Bears cut to the core. You've said it from the beginning, haven't you? 'Never backed down from a dare. Never have, never will.' That's your modus operandi and you sing it proudly, as if bending to the will of a vocal minority buys you some integrity. It doesn't. Acquiescence is not a virtue, it's a liability. That's something you ought to have learned after the gay bar debacle, but you didn't.
I can't pretend to know why you prioritize these dares so highly. Maybe it's some twisted notion of masculinity that I just don't quite understand. Maybe you think it earns you some social capital. What I do know is that it puts you in a precarious position. Your reputation hinges on the whims of a small few. And this legacy you want so desperately to leave - it's been co-opted by complete strangers. You have no idea what their intentions are. They might mean to make you look a fool, but that apparently doesn't matter to you. All that matters is the completion of the dare.
This exact trait of yours is why I had an issue with you representing Kassandrah at Executive Action. Not because you didn't deserve a title, but because you either didn't grasp the gravity of the arms race in the AWE boardroom, or you simply didn't care. You never explained why you were supporting Kassandrah's campaign to become COO, because you never even gave it a thought. Your agent assigned you your task and you went about completing the task like the good little soldier that you are.
I can't imagine you've got many regrets. You're the Resilience Champion because of it. You haven't faced the consequences for your decisions.
But the rest of us? We're paying for it. Just look at the current state of the AWE. Need I remind you of the absurd number of sneak attacks, cheap shots, and outright assaults lately? Kassandrah is a pushover who cannot keep her talent in check.
That's on you, champ. That's your legacy."
Fantana casually clicks the play button on the remote control, over his shoulder.
"I was trying not to act like a chicken, but I ended up acting like a big sheep."
"Yep. And that can be a Baaaa'd thing to do."
The two laugh hysterically, matched in kind by Zack Fantana.
"Oh man, you fuckin' nailed it, Farmer Ben."
"Dare Clemmens, I must say that you are truly a man of the people. I've never seen a performer quite so eager to please. The number of people may vary - be it one or 500, you always go out of your way to give them what they want, inside the ring or out. Sometimes that means popping onto twitter, and creating a poll for a dare, as if to say 'which Dare Clemmens should I be today?'
I used to be that guy too."
Fantana casually rests his boot on a nearby folding chair.
"Back in school, I was the kid that always succumbed to the social pressure. Did everything I could to earn a seat at the cool kids table, even if they just invited me over the play the clown. Eat a bug, shoot milk out of my nose, whatever it took, you know. It wasn't until advent of self-esteem programs in public schools that I realized that I was cool just by being me."
Zack unbuttons his jacket to reveal a faded D.A.R.E. T-shirt.
"Back in those days, there was one particular video that struck a chord with me, and I think maybe it'll speak to you as well."
The TV takes a moment to warm up before Zack hits play and the video begins. The footage is warped and jumpy, as the VHS cassette has presumably degraded in quality from Zack watching it religiously as a child, but soon enough the TV brightens up enough to see that it's clearly a Berenstain Bears video, in which our protagonist Brother Bear is surrounded by more anthropomorphic bears, a group of bullies led by a bear by the name of Too-Tall. Brother Bear pleads with the other bears, who want him to steal a watermelon from Farmer Ben's watermelon match.
"I don't see how stealing watermelons is fun."
"Hey fellas, I think Brother may be a little chicken."
The other bears "bock" and dance like chickens in an emasculating display.
"I am not chicken!"
"Then I dare you to come with us!"
"Not this time."
"Then I double dare you."
"Ooooooooooooooooooooooooh", the other boys say in unison.
"I don't think so."
"Brother, I dee-double dare you!"
The two other bears are shocked. Brother Bear would, of course, be remiss to break the social contract of that dee-double dare, so he agrees to follow the other bears into the watermelon patch, in which he picks out the biggest, greenest watermelon and plucks it off the stem.
"What do you think you're doing?", Farmer Ben asks as he rushes into the field. Too-Tall and the boys scatter, leaving Brother Bear all alone. Brother Bear breaks down and tells Farmer Ben the entire story about how Too-Tall had pressured him into it by calling him chicken and dee-double daring him.
"Chickens aren't very bright but they're too smart to do something stupid because somebody calls them chicken."
As the two are talking, the sheep on the other side of the fence begin to run towards the highway.
"Sheep are like that, follow a leader anywhere. And some folks are like that, too. Follow a leader wherever he goes - across a highway, over a cliff, into a watermelon patch."
Brother Bear blushes, picking up on Farmer Ben's nuance. With that, the screen freezes and the camera pans back to Zack as he plunks down into a chair seated backwards and drapes his arms over the backrest.
"Hit a little close to home, Clemmens? Yeah, the Berenstain Bears cut to the core. You've said it from the beginning, haven't you? 'Never backed down from a dare. Never have, never will.' That's your modus operandi and you sing it proudly, as if bending to the will of a vocal minority buys you some integrity. It doesn't. Acquiescence is not a virtue, it's a liability. That's something you ought to have learned after the gay bar debacle, but you didn't.
I can't pretend to know why you prioritize these dares so highly. Maybe it's some twisted notion of masculinity that I just don't quite understand. Maybe you think it earns you some social capital. What I do know is that it puts you in a precarious position. Your reputation hinges on the whims of a small few. And this legacy you want so desperately to leave - it's been co-opted by complete strangers. You have no idea what their intentions are. They might mean to make you look a fool, but that apparently doesn't matter to you. All that matters is the completion of the dare.
This exact trait of yours is why I had an issue with you representing Kassandrah at Executive Action. Not because you didn't deserve a title, but because you either didn't grasp the gravity of the arms race in the AWE boardroom, or you simply didn't care. You never explained why you were supporting Kassandrah's campaign to become COO, because you never even gave it a thought. Your agent assigned you your task and you went about completing the task like the good little soldier that you are.
I can't imagine you've got many regrets. You're the Resilience Champion because of it. You haven't faced the consequences for your decisions.
But the rest of us? We're paying for it. Just look at the current state of the AWE. Need I remind you of the absurd number of sneak attacks, cheap shots, and outright assaults lately? Kassandrah is a pushover who cannot keep her talent in check.
That's on you, champ. That's your legacy."
Fantana casually clicks the play button on the remote control, over his shoulder.
"I was trying not to act like a chicken, but I ended up acting like a big sheep."
"Yep. And that can be a Baaaa'd thing to do."
The two laugh hysterically, matched in kind by Zack Fantana.
"Oh man, you fuckin' nailed it, Farmer Ben."