Post by Anastasia Hayden on Mar 30, 2017 3:50:56 GMT -5
I lost connection with all of my best friends
I wanted to feel the sensation of cutting the cord
Regrets they present from the past inside of my head
I can only imagine a breath of fresh air
March 19th, 2017
The trainer’s room served as a second home for Anastasia Hayden as she sat on the edge of the medical table, receiving stitches for what feels like the hundredth time for her. It seemed like every show she was determined to get patched up to the point where the stitches just felt like part of her body. Go out, wrestle, bleed, and heal; an appointment set for every other week. But this week she wasn’t alone. Her hand gripped Bryan Williams’ with each pull. At this point, she had become numb to the pain, but the comfort associated with Bryan’s hand helped.
A final stitch, a fresh bandage, and a groan at the realization that in a few hours, she’d be on a plane to wrestle for a second time in one night. Bryan moved his hand and placed it on her shoulder.
“How are you holding up?”
“I'm alright…ask me again after tonight I guess.”
She smirked and he chuckled. To be honest, neither party found humor in the morbidity of Ana having to compete in a second match after the brawl she went through, but a temporary mask never hurt anyone. Her body was sore, but that wasn’t anything new. But there was a deeper pain inside of her. Disappointment. Worse than before. Worse than when she fell to Cyrus Riddle or Annabel Lee in PAW. Anastasia Hayden couldn’t beat James Radford for a second time. And despite how hard she tried to tell herself it didn’t matter…
It mattered.
Every other match? There was some truth behind Ana’s promos when she said they didn’t matter. There was truth in being remembered for being a great wrestler and not fussing over championships or accomplishments. But when it came to James Radford, those rules went out the window. There was some pride in beating him and all Ana could think about was how she fucking failed. Twice. No matter what she did, no matter how hard she trained; she couldn’t beat James Radford. It ate away at her.
“Okay, you’re clear. Make sure to reapply a fresh bandage every night…and take it easy…if you can.”
Everyone was in on the joke. Ana killing herself in the ring. The funniest joke. But she never laughed. She just felt miserable. The doctor cleared the room and Ana was left alone with Bryan. She got down from the medical table, stumbling backwards in the process. Bryan was quick to hold her steady.
“Are you sure? I can go get the doct-”
“I’m good, Bryan. Just…sore.”
Another lie. She felt sick. A rush of blood to the head simply getting up off the table was concerning, but Ana brushed it off. The fear of any athlete: lingering concussion symptoms. But she had to suppress that. At least for another night. It’d been months anyways, but finding a new way to bleed out of her head every other week wasn’t an ideal situation for her health. But she didn’t care. As long as she was able to get back into the ring, that’s all she wanted. The ultimate distraction.
No matter how depressed she felt.
On the way out of the trainer’s room, Ana stopped by the locker room to pick up her bag and change out of her gear into some street wear while Bryan waited outside. Moving too fast made her feel weak, like her legs were soft. Just changing out of gear wrestling bottoms into a pair of leggings, she nearly collapsed without the aid of the lockers to support her. All she needed to do was focus on making it to the airport and finishing the night.
But as Ana put the duffle bag strap across her shoulder, all she could hear was a beeping noise. High pitched and constant. Over and over again. She fell back, catching herself on the bench in the room. A hard blink and she saw her mother connected to every tube imaginable. Trying to survive. And when she blinked again, she was back in the locker room. As if nothing happened. Ana could feel how flushed her cheeks were. She took a few seconds to recover, to try and hide it from Bryan.
A deep breath and Ana stood up, still feeling unsteady, but stable enough to keep going. When she came out, Bryan was leaning against a container checking his phone, no doubt dealing with banter from the rest of GenNow. Before he saw her, Ana heard the beeping again. A quick strike of fear to the heart. But as she turned her head, she saw the forklift simply moving one container next to another.
When the door closed, Bryan looked up from his phone and if there was any sign of fear on her face, it had vanished. Or so she hoped.
“Ready to roll?”
“Yeah, let’s go.”
Bryan reached his arm around her shoulder and the two began to make their way out of the arena.
“So…you signed the lease for your new place yet?”
“Not yet…but I’m flying out there on Thursday. And moving everything in on Friday.”
The prospect of bringing all of her furniture out of storage and into a new place brought a genuine smile to her face. Another temporary distraction, but it buried the pain. Living hotel to hotel and the occasional stop in Boston with Bryan; it wasn’t suitable for her. As much as she loved running away in the past, she needed to find some peace. And maybe with that peace, Ana could find herself at ease. But she knew that was wishful thinking.
“Need help?”
“Would you still come if I said no?”
He shrugged and laughed; they already knew the answer. Stubborn. In a way, a perfect match for Ana. And in another light, a perfect distraction. His arm around her shoulder, the comfort that she needed. The comfort in the middle of the night when she wanted to scream and run to that little black case. Bryan was there for her unlike anyone else. Unlike anyone else she previously ran out of her life. With Bryan and the entirety of Generation Now, Ana felt happy to wrestle.
Happy to be alive.
Even in the midst of everything else, she at least felt comforted. Losing to James Radford again, a low point in her career. It made her miserable to even think about AWE in general. She wanted to be pissed. She wanted to argue and fight about the referee’s count. But the will to fight wasn’t there with Bryan. Maybe when she was on the flight alone or later in the week, she’d want to fight. But not at the moment.
March 23rd, 2017
Ana picked up the pen from the leasing agent and signed the remaining portions of her contract. And like that, it was done. A one bedroom apartment in Leawood, Kansas. Not exactly the paradise location for the amount of money Ana was making between AWE and FSociety, but it was paradise for her. Far enough from home, far enough from anyone who may know her. The perfect place to hide herself away from the world.
She left the office with the smile still on her face. Ana didn’t know how long the joy will last, so she needed to savor every second of it. Reaching for her sunglasses in her bag, her phone rang and the good mood kept rolling when Bryan’s name flashed across the screen.
“Hey, babe.”
“Hey...how’s everything going?”
“Great. Just finished up signing and...ready to move in tomorrow. I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”
Glee in her voice.
”Right…so…I take it you haven't heard…”
“What do you mean, Bryan?
“You haven’t seen who you’re fighting this week?”
To be honest, she stepped away from the world of wrestling for a moment. Battered and bloodied in AWE, then entering FSociety with destruction. She wanted to clean her hands and forget the world she loved. To forget her shortcomings. But she couldn’t shake that miserable feeling. Instead, she just found herself annoyed that she couldn’t. Stepping away from all of that, she was happy.
But she was about to be dragged back in.
“Hubert.”
“I stand here today…absolutely disgusted by the actions of Alpha Wrestling Empire. Disgusted by the actions of Kassandrah. And disgusted by the actions of every single goon employed here. When I was screwed out of the Alpha Cup, I came to terms with that. When I watched my friends get jumped by a hick and he was REWARDED for it…I came to terms with that too. Hell, when AWE decided to screw me out of a Paramount Championship match…I came to terms with that. Don’t get me wrong…I was heated, but it’s whatever. I know my position in AWE. I know that me beating James Radford? That’s impossible. Not while AWE is still protecting their little golden boy.”
“But you know what really fucking disgusts me? The fact that AWE has the audacity to put me up against Hubert Smalls. When myself and the rest of Gen Now take interest in making sure Hubert is protected, respected, and improving as a wrestler…they decide to put me up against him? They expect me to fight my friend? If it was Cosmo, Trevor, or Bryan…I’d be fine with that because I know AWE’s game at this point. They want to fucking try and ruin my life. I get that…but Hubert?”
“Don’t think I’m ignorant to all of this. I’m not an idiot like James Radford or a yes man like Dom DiBona…no, instead, I’m the best wrestler in AWE. Every show, I have the ability to beat anyone. And Hubert? You want me to take all my talent…to wrestle Hubert Smalls? My friend? You see…this is the shit we’ve been trying to warn him about. Everyone wants to paint a fake smile on their faces and tell Hubert it’s alright while patting him on the back with one hand and stabbing him with the other.”
“See, Hubert? These people…AWE? They're snakes. The people that support this worthless company? The people that call themselves your ‘friends’? Snakes. Do you honestly think Bindy is looking out for you when this company is trying to get us to fight each other? I don’t want to fight you, Hubert. I don’t want to hurt you. That’s what AWE wants. That’s what Bindy supports. DiBona supports. Radford. Give me a name, I’ll tell you just how much of a rat they are.”
“But not us, Hubert. We respect you and we’re not going to stand back while AWE abuses you, me, Gen Now. Hell, I’m even helping the idiots who are too blind to see AWE fucking them over. They’ve screwed me not just once, not twice, not three times…but four. And what’s to say they won’t stop? Nah…fuck that. Gen Now is taking over. We’re not going to let them destroy us. We’re destroying this company first. All the deceivers who lie to you, Hubert? We’re not going to let them anymore. So unlike everyone else here, I’m going to have some morals and stand my ground for my friend.”
”I refuse to wrestle Hubert Smalls.”