Post by Anastasia Hayden on Mar 31, 2017 1:53:00 GMT -5
I wish the light could shine now
For it is closer, it is near
But it will not present my present
And it will make my past and future painfully clear
March 24th, 2017
It was a cooler day in Leawood, Kansas, but that didn’t mean Ana and Bryan weren’t feeling some heat as they started to move Ana’s mattress into her apartment. The couple were drenched in sweat after spending most of the morning clearing out the U-Haul truck. The mattress was the final obstacle before they could turn their attention to the inside.
“You got it?”
“Yeah, I’ve got it.”
Ana was breathing hard. She wasn’t sure if she was feeling the effects of moving all day or if her body was worse off than she thought. Whatever the case may be, she was ready just to finish moving everything in. They struggled for a moment with the mattress; carefully maneuvering around it around every corner and doorway before finally dropping it on top of the box spring. With the back of her hand, Ana wiped the sweat that got past the bandana around her forehead away. She looked toward Bryan with a tired smile
“I…I think that’s everything, right?”
“That’s everything.”
Sitting down on the bed, Ana let out a huge sigh of relief. Another headache was brewing, but she just chalked it up to being dehydrated after moving everything. Bryan sat down next to her and planted a kiss her on forehead
“Gross.”
And she responded by digging her elbow into his side.
“So…we’ll unpack a bit, I’ll dump the truck off, and how about we go somewhere nice?”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“I’d like that, but…let me just sit for a little bit longer.”
Bryan gave her a smile, stretching out his knee before getting up from the bed. No rest for him as he left the bedroom. Ana sat alone, taking a moment to let everything soak in for her. A single ray of light from the Sun came through a crack in the blinds and hit Ana right in the eye, triggering a sharp pain in her head. She quickly buried her face in her hands and shut her eyes, trying to fight through the pain
“If you go…don’t come back.”
She shot her head up, scanning the room, but she was still alone. Any relief she felt had disappeared now. And that miserable feeling that had been lingering above her the past few days had come back. She hated it. Ana rose up from the bed and slowly made her way out of the bedroom into the bathroom. Each step feeling like a direct shot to the head. The edge of the sink was the only thing holding her up as she ran some cold water over her face.
As she stepped out of the bathroom, she caught her foot on the edge of a box, but kept her balance.
“Fuck.”
Muttered under her breath. She looked at the writing on the box, “Kitchen”. Annoyed, she lifted up the box and went out to the kitchen, dropping it on the floor with a loud thud. Enough of a sound to get Bryan’s attention. Ana shot him a look; a look that he knew pretty well.
“What’s wrong?”
“I told you to put the boxes in the right rooms…right?”
“Yeah?”
“Then why did I almost break my fucking neck over a box outside the bathroom that was labeled ‘Kitchen’?”
“Oh shit…I’m sorry, I must have misplaced it with another one.”
An honest mistake, but that didn’t stop Ana from shooting anymore daggers at him. Bryan just brushed it off before going back to opening boxes and sorting stuff, but Ana wasn’t ready to let up.
“How could you misplace it? I fucking labeled EVERYTHING.”
“I don’t know, Ana…I might have just carried two boxes at once and…look, I said I was sorry.”
But him saying “Sorry” only made things worse. Ana’s temper was building with each word he said and her attention didn’t break away from him. And looking at him, it just made her think of her sister, of Radford, and then, having to face Hubert. In that moment, Bryan Williams became the physical embodiment of everything she was fighting. Even though he was innocent, she just felt herself starting to resent him for simply being there. Ana knew what was next.
“Just get out, Bryan.”
“What?”
“Bryan, I want you to leave.”
She felt like she was reliving this moment. It made her think of Tyler. And every other guy in her life before Bryan. But she wanted this to be different. She didn’t want Bryan to hear the ugly vile she was capable of spitting out. He pulled himself away from the boxes and made his way over to Ana.
“Don’t get near me, Bryan…just fucking go.”
“Ana? Babe? Calm down, okay?”
“Don’t…don’t fucking tell me what to do, Bryan.”
Each step was a careful one as Bryan tried to go in for a hug of comfort; the same comfort that Ana longed for. But she was scared. She didn’t know how to react. Soon enough, she found herself backed against the wall with tears starting to form. And as Bryan started coming in for a hug, Ana shoved him back. She took a step toward him, gaining more momentum as she shoved him again.
“I said leave me!”
Another hard shove and Bryan made sure to gain some distance between them. Her nostrils flared and tears were streaking down her face. Bryan was silent, just watching the rage course through Ana’s body. It wasn’t a battle he was going to win. And with that knowledge, he just bit his tongue, threw his hands up, and walked out of the apartment. Ana was frozen with her anger, just listening to him slam the door of the U-Haul truck and driving away. She walked up to the front door and slammed it hard; enough to shake the whole apartment.
Blitzing back into the kitchen, she threw the refridgator door open, and grabbed the six pack of beer that was supposed to symbolize a celebration; not a defeat. In her bedroom, she didn’t waste any time opening the first beer and chugging down as much as she could. But it never made it past her throat as she began to spit the beer up, making her way toward the bathroom, dropping the bottle along the way, and throwing up in the toilet.
She spent what felt like hours dry heaving with her head glued to the rim of her toilet, waiting for the next round. But her stomach was empty. There wasn’t anything left and as she got a wet rag to wipe her face clean, she just looked at the person she still hated the most in the mirror. Her eyes red from crying, her anger, or both.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Putting her hands behind her head, Ana squeezed her head with her forearms in hopes of relieving anything. To remove the pain or the pressure that was starting to mount. It didn’t work. And she finally realized that after twenty-seven years. Nothing ever fucking worked. She ripped the bandana off her head and the bandaged followed. All that was left were the stitches. The imperfections. The valve to release the pressure. So she grabbed them, ripping them out one by one until there was nothing left.
Her reflection staring back at her, covered in blood.
And she screamed.
“Why does AWE want to constantly test my patience? They know the ability I carry and the force I carry behind me. I was alone every week when I was outperforming everyone, out-wrestling them, out-drawing them. If it wasn’t for me, AWE wouldn’t even exist. I don’t need hashtags or a Twitter presence to let everyone know just how good I am. I put asses in seats just by having my name attached to a company. Don’t get that twisted. AWE needs me, so why are they foolishly trying to hold me down?”
“Because I’m a threat. I’m too fucking good for them. I suggest my pals Cosmo and Trevor come in, now everyone talks about them. I tell Bryan to check it out and now everyone wants to fucking discuss my relationship with him. And what does that have to do with wrestling? I’ve heard Aaron say something about it, Radford, hell, if I cared enough to look back at that old DiBona tape, I’m sure he did too. Everyone wants to bully me and screw me over…so when I get backup to help me stand up for myself and what I believe in…I’m ostracized for it?”
“So when I decide to take some action and do something about it, everyone acts really fucking shocked that I’d do something like beat the fuck out of James Radford or Bindy Trent. Hubert, if you’re listening, I apologize for my language, but I want you to know there’s two sides to every story. I attacked Bindy because she kept lying to you week after week and it made me sick. I can only stay quiet for so long. Now they’ve put me in a position, Hubert, to continue looking like the ‘bad’ guy.”
“If this was a match I wanted to wrestle, I'd hurt Hubert and that's not what I want. I want to hurt the people that hurt Hubert. AWE, Bindy, Kassandrah, everyone who ever lied to him. I told everyone that I was here to destroy AWE and nobody understood why. How many injustices do people have to see before they finally understand why? How many wrestlers like myself and Hubert Smalls have to be bullied before someone stands up? Well it’s pretty fucking obvious management isn’t going to help. It’s just me and Gen Now, baby.”
“I said it before, I refuse to wrestle Hubert Smalls. I won’t let AWE continue to paint me as a villain. James Radford and his redneck trash philosophy can diagnosis me with another issue and say that actually, I do wanna wrestle Hubert! Because apparently when I say something in simple terms, it’s too fucking hard for anyone to grasp. I’ve said I don’t care about championships, winning, or whatever. And I don’t. And that’s always going to be the case. Just like when I say right now that I, Anastasia Hayden, will not wrestle Hubert Smalls.”
“Can that get through everyone and their thick skulls? Hubert is my friend. I wouldn’t be against having an actual wrestling contest with him down the line, but come on…we know the timing of all this is real suspect. I get screwed out of a victory against Radford…again…and AWE thinks I’m going to still be mad about it…so they send Hubert out to the firing line? Disgusting. Despicable. But like I’ve said week after week…I know AWE’s M.O. I know how badly they want to see me dead.”
“But Anastasia Hayden isn’t dying anytime soon. And I’m not going to let you take advantage of me anymore. When I step out to face Hubert, the match is only ending in a few ways. Either I lose by count out, he loses by count out, or we go to a draw. I am not going to lay a hand on Hubert. I am not going to be AWE’s puppet like everyone else wants to be. I’m going to continue being Hubert’s friend. I’m going to continue being me.”
“I’m going to continue being the MVP of AWE.”