Post by Caroline O'Hara Burchill on Nov 6, 2016 20:39:12 GMT -5
The following is an archived promo from Caroline's stint in XWF. Was made on 02-15-2015.
The Goat Ass Muncher Said:
"Exactly. She's one of those people who thinks that everyone knows who she is and that everyone should bow down to her. Well, I've got news for you. Nobody does. The only people who care about you are the ones who want to fuck you. So, let this be an invitation. Everyone knows you want a piece of the Goat Face Killa's quiche and I would love to slip my wand in your wizards sleeve, so how about that? Does that sound good? I'm sure it does, because all you've proven while here is that you are a slut and want to fuck everybody here. Well, you better not have any STD's because it's my mission to ravage your cabbage. Oh and you're a shit wrestler.
"Exactly. She's one of those people who thinks that everyone knows who she is and that everyone should bow down to her. Well, I've got news for you. Nobody does. The only people who care about you are the ones who want to fuck you. So, let this be an invitation. Everyone knows you want a piece of the Goat Face Killa's quiche and I would love to slip my wand in your wizards sleeve, so how about that? Does that sound good? I'm sure it does, because all you've proven while here is that you are a slut and want to fuck everybody here. Well, you better not have any STD's because it's my mission to ravage your cabbage. Oh and you're a shit wrestler.
"Behold: another indescribably insignificant ass wipe that tries desperately to form some kind of a putdown but ends up appearing like a chromosome deficient, limp-wristed wand fondler stultifying asininity at best. Then again, I shouldn't have had my hopes up thinking that you would come up with an insult that would actually be deemed acceptable. Instead, you make yourself appear to be more of a half-wit with the IQ equivalent to that of Peter Gilmour's dick size."
"Predictability."
"The 'Caroline is a slut!' joke has been overly used so many times that I've actually lost count. Maybe it's because it's been such a fallacious and overly redundant assessment to make that I just simply don't care anymore. Besides, you clearly don't know the proper meaning of what a slut actually is. Allow me to educate you on your behalf so that you can truly comprehend the word and put it into better use in the future. I guess all those times you were too busy sticking your so-called 'schlong' into goats prohibited you from having access to basic and free public education."
slut
/slət/
noun, derogatory
noun: slut; plural noun: sluts
A woman who has many casual sexual partners.
synonyms:promiscuous woman, prostitute, whore.
"Key word here is multiple. Now, the only person that I ever had sexual relations with was Frodo. However, that contradicts the principle meaning of a promiscuous woman, which is a woman with multiple partners that she engages in sexual intercourse with."
"Wow. There you have it, ladies and gentlemen: Based on the assessment that the Goat Face Killer made about me, having sex with just one person automatically makes you a whore, even if it doesn't correlate with what a slut is whatsoever! No if's, and's, or but's about it."
"How much of a deucedly ignorant fuck do you have to be to say such a dumb thing like that? If you were trying to crack jokes and come up with 'clever' insults, then I am sorry to break it to you, but you have failed miserably. Oh Goat Face, my poor, inexplicably feeble-minded tainted little crumb cake. You are a fucking moronic imbecile and a try hard who can't even use a basic word properly in a sentence. Your failed attempt at an insult was pathetic at best. Try again."
"Oh, Scully! How nice of you to finally join us! After all, we didn't want you to be tardy for this wonderful party. Hopefully this means that you actually took the time to come up with a decent promo, unlike the Goat Humper here. Although, what kind of dirt could you possibly have on me? Besides the fact that I lost to Jaws, which a lot of people noted previously, and the whole little stint with Frodo? Hopefully you came up with something more enticing and original -- "
"Oops. Looks like I've spoken too soon."
Scully, the Mental Retardation Association's Mascot and Forever the Biggest Moronic Fuck in the World Said:
Caroline Bitchill, once again running her mouth when she hasn’t got a fat cock inside of it. Speaking of cocks, Caroline, you lost your virginity to Frodo and it was all on camera. Everyone seen that little munchkin fuck your sweaty, vagina. All you did was take it like the bitch that you are. None of your opponents have done jack shit in this match? Damn... Since when was you superstar of the month? Never. How many titles have you held here? None. If your going to judge others, make sure you can back it up. At least I’m not bragging because just like you, I have nothing to brag about, yet. You got your ass kicked by anyone with a shred of talent in the ring. you first loss was to a dude in a shark costume, for God sake. How am I suppose to take you seriously with that on your record?! Calling yourself a Queen is an insult to my Queen, the Queen of England. You’re not Royalty, you're a, peasant!
Caroline Bitchill, once again running her mouth when she hasn’t got a fat cock inside of it. Speaking of cocks, Caroline, you lost your virginity to Frodo and it was all on camera. Everyone seen that little munchkin fuck your sweaty, vagina. All you did was take it like the bitch that you are. None of your opponents have done jack shit in this match? Damn... Since when was you superstar of the month? Never. How many titles have you held here? None. If your going to judge others, make sure you can back it up. At least I’m not bragging because just like you, I have nothing to brag about, yet. You got your ass kicked by anyone with a shred of talent in the ring. you first loss was to a dude in a shark costume, for God sake. How am I suppose to take you seriously with that on your record?! Calling yourself a Queen is an insult to my Queen, the Queen of England. You’re not Royalty, you're a, peasant!
"Sigh. Again, predictability."
"Are you some kind of parrot? You just said the exact same bland and utterly ridiculous shit that 100,000+ others said before, you fucking subliterate waste of space. Try coming up with some new material to work with. Caroline Bitchill? What, so is this a name-play competiton to see who can come up with the most downright pathetic shit to say about someone's name? You guys did the same thing with Justin Sane and it was excruciatingly irritating and stupid. Yawn, what a bore. Nothing funny about that! At least try to be creative with it! I seriously hope that one of these days you actually choke on the shit that comes out of your mouth. At least we can make way for people that have actual talent once you're gone."
"You're one to talk about being a peasant. You look like a fucking four dollar mongrel cunt that belongs on the streets. Please, save yourself from further humiliation and just shut the fuck up. You'll be doing yourself a really good favor. Seriously, mental retardation is becoming the new, modern-day Bubonic Plague in our society."
"Last, but certainly not least, is Cain. What is there to say about him? One day he is actually winning matches and then there are days where his comeback streak gets broken and lasts quicker than John Samuels' pathetic excuse for a title reign. It's like a constant, never-ending and tireless cycle with this guy. He keeps flip-flopping, hardly ever consistent when he actually racks up a bit of momentum and yet somehow, he is convinced that he is ready to win a championship. Cain, stepping on a soapbox and yelling at the top of your lungs 'I have a lot passion! It doesn't matter if I lose, I am ready!' isn't going to convince anyone. Be persuasive all you want, but this isn't a fucking seventh grade argumentative essay assignment where you try to argue why you deserve a title shot more than the next guy. If you can't walk the walk and all you do is talk the talk, then how the hell do you expect anyone to take you seriously?"
"Now, where are the rest of the competitors? Nikomedes is probably sulking about his lost still like the insolent, hissy child that he is. D. Shadows? I'm baffled at the thought that he's still alive to begin with. C. C. Hollywood and Trent Gein? Nobody gives a single flying fuck about the two of you to begin with, so I don't think we should bother ourselves to waste our breaths and mention you in the first place."
"Are these the people that should be seriously considered worthy of earning a number one contender spot for the Television Championship? That's highly questionable. As the old Aussie saying goes; May your ears turn into arseholes and shit on your shoulders."
"Because really, you all have shit for brains."