Post by Colgate Carnage on Nov 6, 2016 21:26:24 GMT -5
Some recruits are scouted while some come knocking. This is the copy of a tape sent in by of one of those knockers...
“Some of you may not know me so I’ll take a quick moment to give you the 411. The name’s Colgate Crusher. No it’s not my real name, just like most of the people with real sounding names aren’t actually going by their real names. I haven't really competed anywhere of note, just testing the business out and I've taken a few classes. Anyway, last week I competed in the first ever Casablanca Pro show where I beat a guy named WADE. Afterwards the company had the audacity to just hand the championship to Stevie Harris despite promising a fair and even tournament.”
“I couldn’t just sit back and watch this. Stevie’s not as bad as people say. I’d been attending his free mental health and professional wrestling workshops for a few weeks before it and I gotta say, he’s on the level. BUT, when I tried to voice my opinion it all went pear shaped”
“They took my money and made me promises that they didn’t intend to keep and now they’ve made another promise, that I’ll never get a chance to fight Stevie for the championship. That’s a load of horse shit and Stevie I’m coming for you motherfucker. Fucking dickstain.”
Colgate takes a minute to realign his composure, using a simple method he learned at Stevie’s workshop.
“So what am I doing here in AWE? I’m here to show those idiots what they’re missing out on. I’m here to prove to the world that I’m capable of achieving my inner self actualisation. My spirit shines as bright as my pearly whites.”
After a boast like that, Carnage shows off a nice smile with the teeth as advertised.
“Let me show the world that Colgate Carnage isn’t some over the hill, washed out high school football player who never amounted to anything. Let me show my doubters that a man with a dream can achieve. Let me show that cheating ex-wife of mine that she made the biggest mistake of her life when she walked out that door. I spent my last dime traveling to Morocco to learn from Stevie Harris. When that didn’t work out, my mom bought me a plane ticket back home. Please, one chance is all I need.”
“Some of you may not know me so I’ll take a quick moment to give you the 411. The name’s Colgate Crusher. No it’s not my real name, just like most of the people with real sounding names aren’t actually going by their real names. I haven't really competed anywhere of note, just testing the business out and I've taken a few classes. Anyway, last week I competed in the first ever Casablanca Pro show where I beat a guy named WADE. Afterwards the company had the audacity to just hand the championship to Stevie Harris despite promising a fair and even tournament.”
The Riverbed by Gallows blasts as the crown jewel of Casablanca Pro enters the parking lot arena for the first time tonight! The fans are going crazy for their idol! Harris makes his way into the ring and shakes Walter Leonards hand. Walter grabs the championship belt and straps it around Stevie’s waist.
“I couldn’t just sit back and watch this. Stevie’s not as bad as people say. I’d been attending his free mental health and professional wrestling workshops for a few weeks before it and I gotta say, he’s on the level. BUT, when I tried to voice my opinion it all went pear shaped”
Colgate Carnage comes out and the fans cheer him on and throw some confetti his way.
Sam “Colgate must be coming out here to congratulate Stevie.”
Colgate: “Stevie you dropkick, I want a shot at that belt. Maybe you do and maybe you don’t deserve to be champion but one things for sure, tonight I won the greatest match in Casablanca Pro history when I put down WADE.”
Stevie: “You want a championship shot? Win a few more matches. Make a name for yourself and then maybe I’ll grant you a title shot. I’ve already got a title defence booked for the next show. These fine people here want a fighting champion but they also want worthy challengers. Prove to me that you’re worthy Colgate.”
The fans are going fucking nuts still.
Walter: “Hold on fella’s. I sign the cheques here and I only pegged you for the midcard division Colgate. You’re not a proven winner here like Stevie is. Be the midcard champion that I know you can be and one day I promise to consider it.”
Walter holds a hand out but Colgate’s having none of it. He kicks Walter in the gut then hoists him up for the COLGATE CRUSHER!!!!
Sam “SCANDELOUS”
STEVIE RUSHES TO THE AID OF WALTER LEONARD BUT COLGATE CRUSHER PUNCHES HIM SQUARE IN THE DICK.
Sam “Colgate must be coming out here to congratulate Stevie.”
Colgate: “Stevie you dropkick, I want a shot at that belt. Maybe you do and maybe you don’t deserve to be champion but one things for sure, tonight I won the greatest match in Casablanca Pro history when I put down WADE.”
Stevie: “You want a championship shot? Win a few more matches. Make a name for yourself and then maybe I’ll grant you a title shot. I’ve already got a title defence booked for the next show. These fine people here want a fighting champion but they also want worthy challengers. Prove to me that you’re worthy Colgate.”
The fans are going fucking nuts still.
Walter: “Hold on fella’s. I sign the cheques here and I only pegged you for the midcard division Colgate. You’re not a proven winner here like Stevie is. Be the midcard champion that I know you can be and one day I promise to consider it.”
Walter holds a hand out but Colgate’s having none of it. He kicks Walter in the gut then hoists him up for the COLGATE CRUSHER!!!!
Sam “SCANDELOUS”
STEVIE RUSHES TO THE AID OF WALTER LEONARD BUT COLGATE CRUSHER PUNCHES HIM SQUARE IN THE DICK.
“They took my money and made me promises that they didn’t intend to keep and now they’ve made another promise, that I’ll never get a chance to fight Stevie for the championship. That’s a load of horse shit and Stevie I’m coming for you motherfucker. Fucking dickstain.”
Colgate takes a minute to realign his composure, using a simple method he learned at Stevie’s workshop.
“So what am I doing here in AWE? I’m here to show those idiots what they’re missing out on. I’m here to prove to the world that I’m capable of achieving my inner self actualisation. My spirit shines as bright as my pearly whites.”
After a boast like that, Carnage shows off a nice smile with the teeth as advertised.
“Let me show the world that Colgate Carnage isn’t some over the hill, washed out high school football player who never amounted to anything. Let me show my doubters that a man with a dream can achieve. Let me show that cheating ex-wife of mine that she made the biggest mistake of her life when she walked out that door. I spent my last dime traveling to Morocco to learn from Stevie Harris. When that didn’t work out, my mom bought me a plane ticket back home. Please, one chance is all I need.”